AIBU to get annoyed. Mum's of baby's that sleep well

[Sleepysleepysleepy]

I have a non sleeping 8 month old who has maybe one 45 minute nap in the day and is up every 1-2 hours at night.

I've come to terms with the fact that this is my baby and it won't be forever and try really hard just to get on with things and not grumble.

But....

AIBU to get annoyed by mum's who have baby's that sleep 10-12 hours at night and nap well who then moan about how hard it is to find the time to do things?

I know there may be other factors like pnd or other difficulties in their life, but just on face value i can't help but get a little bit annoyed! If I had 15 hours a day to myself including a solid nights sleep I'd be a gazillion times more efficient!

Ok. Moan over.

I would look into sleep training. It's not easy but you will not regret it when the baby sleeps a bit better. You have my every sympathy though

sigh i knew it was U, but just needed the moan (and the encouragement from those in the know).

It's a light hearted (ish) post really. I know it's just a phase. I just can't help but think what I would do if my baby slept...with a whole evening....and several hours in the day! I guess then i'd have no excuse for the house looking like a pig sty!

YANBU - I have had 3 atrocious sleepers and have always vowed that, in the unlikely event that I am lucky enough to get a good sleeper in no 4 (due September), I shall keep it to myself. I remember being almost reduced to tears on a daily basis by another mum at DD2's preschool who had had her DC3 two months after mine and just had to let me know everytime I saw her how amazingly well he slept and how much more enjoyable it made everything.

Oh, and to the pp who suggested the OP should try sleep training (or words to that effect), it's incredibly hard when you're unable to get more than 2 consecutive hours' sleep to gather up the energy for that. And sometimes it doesn't work. The same mother used to give me all sorts of helpful suggestions about how to get DC3 to sleep - am sure she meant well but all it did was made me feel utterly inadequate and as if it was somehow my fault.

Chin up, love, and back away from those conversations. I have no patience when sleep deprived so both sympathise and empathise. You'll get there eventually. And I hope it happens sooner rather than later for you.

YABU... My baby did not sleep until she was 3.5 YEARS old. And by that I mean sometimes went to bed at 9 after two hours of rocking to sleep, sometimes boy until 11 and then would wake up at 2 or 3 for a cuddle in our bed and then wake up to start the day at 5:40..... Every. Fucking. Night. For three and a half years

However, dd2 sleeps around 3-4 hours in the day (two naps) and she goes to sleep at 6:45 and wakes up at 8:00am.
You know why? BECAUSE I FUCKING DESERVE IT. Ahem.... I get a lot of eye rolls and 'arent you smug' looks. Because yes, I am.

My baby sleeps at night but I think that's because she doesn't nap in the day. So I don't really get anytime because she's asleep when I am

What long day says. Try not to blame yourself. I always think people with good sleepers must have such different lives. I tried everything including a sleep trainer. It worked for a few weeks. A top up session when he was 2.4 made it better but there are still often bedtime battles. He was waking up to ten times a night at a year old. I do recommend a sleep trainer though. Don't listen to other people's sleep training advice. Unless they've trained a large sample size there are too many variables. Get professional help! But overall I think YANBU.

I don't think yabu - jealous yes but understandably! But every baby is so different. Yours may be the first in the group to potty train or write their name or get the most GCSEs !as hard as it sounds it isn't a competition and try not to make it one.
And I know how hard that is - I haven't had a full nights sleep in 2.5 yrs and fantasise about booking a few nights away alone in a hotel to sleep!

I remember how tough that age was with my poorly sleeping DS. . It will (eventually) get easier.

It is all relative, your tiredness doesn't stop the other mums also feeling tired. It is hard, and try to keep your perspective. You need your mum friends for companionship and support, and they need you.

.. Go for the night in a hotel idea, I've done it and it's ace!
I got a poor sleeper first time round and then a worse one the second - something wrong there! Sleep deprivation can be a form of torture. It's not the same as being tired through overwork. You will survive though

iggi if I went for a night in a hotel I'm not sure I'd come back!
Though no doubt I would end up in the room next to the couple trying to make a baby!!!

only1 it is your kind of attitude that makes people angry.

We too 'worked bloody hard' to get a fab routine established. And we did have a fab routine, DS just didn't sleep much.

Trust me - it is just how babies are - you aren't a better parent because your baby slept, which is what you appear to be saying

I would say YABU, but if you're getting that little sleep and you've managed not to murder anyone (yet) then you're doing superhumanly well. So YANBU even though you are a bit.

Totally agree with alibabs

YANBU. It is painful to hear someone complain about being woken maybe once or twice occasionally when you are living through months / years of sleep deprivation.

I think you're rather than u.
My first was a shocking sleeper, but the following 3 were a dream in comparison, and i was massively relieved when they started to sleep through from 6 weeks.
It's a certain kind of hell having a bad sleeper and the subsequent sleep deprivation you suffer.
Have and and tell yourself it won't last forever

YABU. Just because someone else's baby sleeps well it doesn't mean their life is perfect.

I left a mums and babies group because I felt guilty for having a baby who slept through. She just did, I dropped lucky on the sleep front. Didn't stop me struggling with other things.

Agree with Alibaba and Longday It's really hard to listen to others give you advice about sleeping and make you feel like a shit Mum.

We established a great routine and he was still waking every 40 mins at one point.

Weirdly, we took him camping a few weeks ago and he's since started going for about 10 hours (He's 1 now, btw) at night, don't know if the two are related try it

Anyway, sleep is for the weak have a cuppa and some cake and try and catch up with some shut eye

(BTW, I don't think you're bu, especially just wanting to vent as it's hard to do that in real life as everyone else's babies are sleeers!)

Parenting is fucking hard regardless, so just because they sleep they also have all the other issues to deal with. (3 dc all of varying sleep abilities.....currently trying to convince dd3 to sleep.....!)

You realise they might be lying, right?

Ps, when they are teenagers I am going to wake them every 3 hours and make them get up at 6am.....revenge is a dish best served cold!

Not rtft yet, but I read it as the OP's baby wakes up every 1 to 2 hours each night. If the baby then requires a significant amount of resettling, then that is a lot of missed sleep. It's horrible not being able to complete a proper sleep cycle (which lasts about 3 hours in adults iirc).

I know where you're coming from, OP. I had a very similar baby. But one of my NCT friends had a baby who slept 12-13 hours each night from a few weeks and napped several hours each day. Therefore the baby was awake for about nine hours in 24. I must admit to feeling ever so slightly envious.

YABU but entitled to moan!

Fwiw dc1 slept 12 hours a night at that age and had a 1.5h nap in the afternoon too (+ maybe another sleep too I can't quite remember).
I found it extremely hard. I had undiagnosed PND.
Then I had dc2 who didn't sleep through until he was 2.5yo, extremel;y light sleeper etc... but no PND. I still found it easier than dc1.

I don't think it's the number of hours of sleep you need to look at. There are so many reasons WHy a mother can find it hard and sleep is just one of them.
However, I remember vividly looking at what I could do to convince dc2 to sleep at night and not finding anything. I remember how frustrating it is too.

You are in the middle of something utterly exhausting. I think YANBU for feeling the way you do. As you say, you have no idea what else may be going on for that mother, so YWBU if you actually said anything. But you're not saying anything to her, you're here having a therapeutic rant and a moan instead. So YANBU!

For what it's worth, I had a very easy sleeper, from Day 1. I have never taken this for granted. I believe it is just the way DD is and nothing to do with anything I did or didn't do. I freely acknowledge that I know nothing of what it is to have a poor sleeper. But I reckon I deserve this. I had horrific birth injuries and had to have a great deal of medical treatment and many rounds of surgery. If I'd had to cope with that, the PTSD AND a crap sleeper, I really would have gone right over the edge !

I'm saying that, because I understand what it is like when you're in a situation with no end in sight and someone who really probably does have an easier time of it, at least in that particular respect, is complaining about how hard it is. (I got really fucked off with people saying things about how their stomach muscles weren't quite as strong any more, or their back was still twinging every now and then. And expecting me to sympathise.)

This is one of the things MN is here for - to have a bloody good rant and moan!

I hope you are getting support and help from your DP? XXX

Feel for you OP and I too felt irritated when mine were babies. Far worse though were the smug mums of good sleepers who claim credit. For example, "I decided when the baby was 6 weeks old that I wasn't going to be ruled by them so I put them down, told them to go to sleep and they've slept through ever since"

Am now hearing similar comments from smug mums whose toddlers don't tantrum. Erm, ever considered it could be luck rather than your amazing parenting?

YABU. You can't possibly know what new parents are dealing with. We had one 'good' sleeper and one brilliant sleeper. DD was our 'good' (notice sarcastic inverted commas) sleeper at night because she was so exhausted from trying to breastfeed with a tongue-tie every hour during the day for six weeks. I was smug (but not boastful as I could barely leave the house) about it until the midwife told me why she was sleeping so much. Our baby was suffering and we were ashamed we hadn't spotted the signs.
DS was a brilliant sleeper. An incredibly laid-back little soul, clockwork naps, hated being picked up when tired, and would wake once in the night to guzzle a bottle then drop straight back off. We never boasted about him, in fact we played it down or changed the subject when asked. It seems talking about a baby that sleeps well is frowned upon.

Yanbu. My baby got it at 8 ish months and sttn as well as 2 1.5 hr naps per day in his nap. After the previous months of unreliable sleep I felt human again and got stuff done. Or watched tv.

Maybe they watch loads of tv.