AIBU to get annoyed. Mum's of baby's that sleep well

[Sleepysleepysleepy]

I have a non sleeping 8 month old who has maybe one 45 minute nap in the day and is up every 1-2 hours at night.

I've come to terms with the fact that this is my baby and it won't be forever and try really hard just to get on with things and not grumble.

But....

AIBU to get annoyed by mum's who have baby's that sleep 10-12 hours at night and nap well who then moan about how hard it is to find the time to do things?

I know there may be other factors like pnd or other difficulties in their life, but just on face value i can't help but get a little bit annoyed! If I had 15 hours a day to myself including a solid nights sleep I'd be a gazillion times more efficient!

Ok. Moan over.

I have a poor sleeper-I read it can be a sign of a very active brain and high intelligence...?? every cloud and all yhat!

Its ok to feel jealous about it. I did, both my dc never slept more than an hour at a time. I managed to get them in some sort of sleep routine at 11 months, but I will never forget the hell of sleep deprivation.

Yabvu. My dd slept well but cried every second she was awake. Literally every moment it was awful. It is not other women's fault that your baby doesn't sleep and other aspects of parenting are also hard

YANBU x 1000

These mothers have absolutely no idea of what it is like to try and operate with such chronic sleep deprivation. It colours everything and you will never realise quite how much it distorts your reality until you are out the other side. It makes everything harder.

You have my deepest sympathy. My ds1 was waking every 1-2 hours until he over two. In his first two years I could count on the figures of one hand the number of nights he didn't wake but of course I woke as I was expecting him to wake

Just don't listen to any mother who says YABU if they haven't had to cope with broken sleep every hour for months on end: they know nothing.

I'm still waiting for that magical thing called sleep.

Ds aged 9 years old has very rarely slept all the way through, if it's not bed wetting it's nightmares and he survives on 4-5 hours a night.

I used to play down what a fantastic sleeper dd was from early on....because of views like the Op's. We worked bloody hard to get a fab routine established and reaped the benefits.

Agree 100%.

Oh, And if you only have the one baby, what on earth are you doing all day that means you can't get anything done?? I have a 1 year old on the move and a 2 year old causing chaos. They sleep at different times. I never get a break. Seriously. One baby is holiday 'break open the wine' enjoy the sun time.

First baby - perfect sleeper, slipped into the routine. Sleeping through from half six to half six at 12 weeks old. Happy days. I was a Gina Ford disciple. Routine works!

Second baby - what can I say? Spat in the eye of poor old Gina. Still giving us nights of torture......nearly NINE YEARS LATER!!!!

Perhaps it wasn't my great talent the first time??!!!

YANBU to feel peeved OP, but sleep deprivation is not something that can be explained so just try and ignore it. They won't mean to offend!

yabu\but then I know so many people who have a lifetime of non sleeping"children" like my freind who has to get up and turn her 20yr old

Well bully for you blazing. Had it never occured to you that you just struck lucky? We had one non-sleeper and one great sleeper; one loved being swaddled, one hated it; one had terrible twos, one didn't and so on and so forth. They are their own people and what works with one child will not work with another.

Some babies sleep worse than others but their are many things that can be done to make it more likely that your baby will sleep better, I spent 10 years working with families and getting babies to sleep was a major issue, from that experience as well as bringing up 4 kids these are my observations to helping them sleep:

Letting them self settle from day one as often as possible. (Not leaving them to cry but trying to wake them up a little if they fall asleep on the breast).

Never making any noise at night or giving eye contact or changing nappies unless a poo or turning on a light (I used a tiny reading lamp to find my nipple to latch on) from day one.

Not picking them up at the first whimper in the night.

A good night time routine is essential. Very calm and let them self settle. Rocking/feeding/driving them to sleep is a short term solution with longterm issues.

To try and avoid breastfeeding at night, esp if they stopped/reduced and then started upping it again 4 months, try anything but feeding.

When doing any sort of sleep training to keep at whatever method you try for at least two weeks (unless the are poorly).

Then be consitent. If you are happy with co sleeping fab. If not then don't let them sleep with you one night then get pissed off and moan when they want to the next.

Controlled crying can be a saviour and make people better parents if done right.

No one is the same so things work for different babies but don't give up and say he won't sleep. Assume that they will and they are far more likely to.

YABU my daughter slept well from 8 weeks but I felt marginalised by mums like you at the time so I kept quiet for fear of not fitting in.

My DD went through a phase of waking up every 90 minutes at night. During that time I could barely find the energy to put one foot in front of the other (except when pushing DD around the streets to try to get her to nap), let alone do the dusting or hoovering. So that's why it's difficult to get things done, even with only one child.

Pretty
Great post

To try and avoid breastfeeding at night, esp if they stopped/reduced and then started upping it again 4 months, try anything but feeding

Hahahahahahhahahahahhaha.

I honestly think that's the funniest thing I've read in months. How do you avoid feeding your 4 month old baby at night if its hungry?! And you are sleep deprived and desperate for just couple of hours for you sanity.

Seriously.

Thankfully I am pretty happy letting none sleeping DS grow out of it now I'm used to it. I think I find it hardest on nights when I panic and worry about the lack of sleep rather than the nights he sleeps the least.

I came to the conclusion quite quickly that most of this advice is utter bollocks that my son hasn't read and is hilariously inappropriate for him.

YABU. Sleep deprivation is bad, but its not the only trying bit about parenting babies.

My DD slept 12 hours from about 20wo. She also fed every 1.5 - 2 hours in the day for almost an hour at a time, plus had reflux so i spent approx 10 hours a day cleaning up sick and listening to MUCH crying!

My DS slept 12 hours from 15wo. He also wouldnt feed properly so had to be mix fed, including us having to start waking him up every 2-3 hours throughout the night to try to get more milk into him. He slept SO well that we would have to spend huge amounts of time awake in the night trying to wake him up/keep him awake, often to no avail.

YABU. I had two good sleepers, I had other shit to deal with (chronic asthma, brochitis, bleeding excema sores all over DDs little body, refusal to take breast, followed by refusal to take bottle, work stress, family stress, a bereavement etc etc). As a PP said, those with poor sleepers dont get a monopoly on sympathy.

I get that sleep deprivation is intense so I hope things get better soon

I was very lucky with mine, who did sleep 12 hours very early on. But, I did appreciate it and knew I was lucky. Day times can feel so long with a young baby and obviously as soon as they wake its full on. To put the baby down at 7.00pm and that's it until morning does feel a luxury. Of course, there are still jobs to be done and your own bedtime might still not be until past midnight. But I get how frustrated you feel. I don't think it's down to much more than luck, other than on talking with other friends, those of us with bigger babies, who because of hunger took more milk at bedtime, were the ones who slept through. Not so easy if your baby doesn't have a big appetite or capacity.

I admit that I made mistakes in the beginning with DD by feeding her to sleep. And I paid for that mistake, oh boy, did I pay for that mistake. She would wake up up to 12 times a night and would need fed back to sleep. How do you sleep train a breast fed baby when you can't take away their comfort? I spent the first year of her life trying to get her to sleep. My whole day was taken up by it. I was so sleep deprived that I was doing crazy stuff and making crazy decisions. You can't think straight after months/years of sleep deprivation.

Even now she doesn't need to sleep much. So envious of those parents who have their 5/6 year olds going down to sleep at 7.30pm and having to wake them up in the morning. Mines was still awake at 10pm and will be up at 6.30am, bright as a button.

So from me OP, it's a big YANBU
I wish you a good few hours solid sleep

And when i say luck, I don't mean it took no effort, more that parents and baby established the routine ore smoothly - I'm not undermining the perseverance to establish a way that works.

Glad I didn't follow prettys list! I'm really glad I let mine fall asleep happily on the breast as little babies and I fed them when they were hungry! Sounds like a list that's a nightmare for many bf women.

Mine didn't sleep for ages. I am that sleep deprived woman - but it turns out mine has sleep apnea so wasn't breathing at regular intervals in the night and was waking to reestablish breathing. She obviously woke frightened. I'm so glad that I'd been going to her when she was frightened and not trying controlled crying!!! THat wouldn't have helped a frightened baby who had just stopped breathing.

I took advice from other mums with similar babies - go gentle on yourself, use the support you can, remember it will pass etc. Don't compare what you are getting done in a day with someone with more support/sleeping baby. Honestly sleep deprivation is awful. The only thing worse is the smug mothers that somehow think its the way they are with little baby (until they have number 2 usually!)

I've been lucky three times apparently. The fact I also did the things pretty in blue mention is totally beside the point...

I think the OP is nbu.

Dd1 was a sleeper. Every nightb12 hours from 8 weeks. She from 9 months she also slept 2-3 hours in the afternoon.
Dd2 was like the OP's dc.
I did exactly the same for both of them.

Of course I got more done with dd1, plus wasn't desperate for sleep.

Oh yes, and both of mine fell asleep on the breast