To be grumpy with my OH for going to a funeral?

[Kookookichoo]

It's someone who is really close to his sister, he never professed a desire to see her in life and now he wants to make a 3 day round trip to attend the funeral. I've said no to me and the kids going (we'd met her once) but he still wants to. I can't say no but its making me really grumpy!

Thanks bathtime you knew what I meant.

Aermingers

Thank god. I thought I was going nuts. Also: if you can't do 2 days alone with your kids so your DH can go to a funeral, maybe don't have any? It's bizarre. If a man stated he was incapable of looking after his own children for 2 days, it'd be a chorus of ltb. But a woman supposedly is unable to look after her own children for a one off event and she's supposed to be applauded for it?

We're getting into the territory of him being 'attracted by death'. Can I start the book on him being accused of being a necrophilia by message 200?

And less we forget again. The OP was pissed off, having a bit of a moan. I'm sure she is tucked up in bed feeling good that her DP is 'attracted by death' because he wants to go to a mate's funeral.

Although possibly not, because the OP seemed quite pleasant and reasonable and probably stopped paying attention to this bullshit hours ago.

I suppose it is just different approaches to dealing with death.

I work in a culture where, amongst a workforce of 12,000 people, our work e-mail system is used to announce the death of people's grandparents, or parents in law. (There are a lot of death announcements.) Attending funerals is seen as a legitimate way to spend working time.

I have always found it strange, attending funerals of people you don't know, or barely know, yet other people I work with wouldn't miss a funeral.

Thinking of my own siblings, I wouldn't attend the funeral of one of their friends, no matter how close, unless I knew the person well myself. I especially would not be making a 3 day trip to do so. I would however be making a special effort to support my sibling in the weeks & months that followed. I think my DH would probably have the same view.

I can understand OP being pissed off, however this may be a time where you just have to suck it up and say nothing.

Tenner says we get spa day before necrophilia aermingers.

If it was my DH, while I wouldn't be over the moon with him going inside, I would smile and say that he had to do what was best for him and his sister.

When DC1 was a baby (so 10 years ago) someone I never met, but was a old friend of DH, died, I made DH feel guilty and he didn't go to the funeral. I don't even remember what I had said or did to stop him going.

Afterwards he told me how he felt, being unable to properly say goodbye to his friend. I felt awful, I never meant to hurt him.

Every year since then, every single year, he has gone out with a group of friends of this friend to remember him. I feel that I can't complain as it is my fault that DH feels that he didn't get to say goodbye to his friend.

What chicken said.
You can't ask the OP not to tell her DH what to do and at ther same time be happy that her DH tells the OP what to do (because hi taking the unilateral decision to go means he is telling her to be wo a car for 3 days, that she isn't going to have £xx to spend anymore etc...).

As for the funeral itself .... I'm at loss as to why he would go.
But then I have seen people saying that they would go to the funeral of a guy round here, someone they hardly knew, just because it happens that his death was in the news. And that, depsite the family making it clear that they wanted the funeral to be a private thing (the guy had 3 young dcs too...) and that they had organised a memorial evening for everyone later on.
But no some people think they can just turn up

Now I have been to some funeral in the family and these have ended up as a social occasion for family members to actually see each other, something that didn't happen as we are all so far away from each other (think different countries there). It IS actually a nice thing to do.
But that's not the case of the OP's DH who is going 'as a support for his dsis' and has no relation with thye family itself.

My first thought was like many others, that he wants to support his sister.

My second thought was, how far away is this funeral? Could he not leave early one morning...

Mamanof3, the OP never said there was no relationship at all.

And you're refusing to make a very important distinction between him 'telling' her he is going and her telling him he's not.

Entering into a relationship with another adult does not automatically give them the right to control where you go, what you do or who you see unless there is unfaithfulness or danger involved.

The idea that one partner should be given the right to dictate to another partner what they can and can't do is an abusive one. I think some over the posters on this thread are making suggestions which cross the line well into the territory of abuse.

The OP said he had 'met her a few times'. Not much of a relationship.

That's not no relationship at all. And 'a few' can mean a lot of different thinks. It's vague, possibly deliberately so.

Is this a high-profile funeral with intense media interest?
Just watched one on the news with crowds of 'mourners' laughing and joking outside the church in front of the cameras.

It would appear that unilaterally deciding what course of action your partner will be taking is sometimes acceptable maman, yet on other occasions borderline abusive. I've yet to hear a convincing explanation about what this 'distinction' is, though.