Miss my sister's hen party?

[Poppy007]

Hi all, i'm new to this and in need of advice/opinions. I am feeling slightly anxious due to the fact my sister's hen party is coming up which involves a three day/two night trip away to a remote part of the UK. My little one will be almost 6 months and is still exclusively breastfed. My husband cannot look after the baby for the weekend as he is away on business therefore care will fall to my (eager) parents who, though entirely competent, are unfamiliar to my little one as they live far from us and haven't seen him for 3 months. I am getting incredibly worried about this for many reasons: my son will be left for a whole weekend with people he doesn't really know and in surroundings he is unfamiliar with; he is not very used to feeding from a bottle; i will be far away and practically unable to return if i need to (we'll be on an island!); and (more selfishly) I will be needing to express like a dairy machine every 3 - 4 hours all weekend. Clearly the easy thing to do would be not to go, except it is highly expected by both my sister and mother that I will be there. Eeek! Any advice? Thanks!

At that age I wouldn't have left my DC for a weekend either.

I don't think you need to have had a child or even breastfed a child to understand why you'd not want to go.

I don't know why some women become so bridezilla that they become henzilla. It's ridiculous, you'll be there for the important part; her marriage ceremony. Perhaps your family have lost sight of this.

They'll get over it.

Don't go - you told them at the start it was not going to work! Have a special mum/sisters night out instead just the three of you.

dinosaurs I formula fed 3 babies (mostly) ,I wouldn't have (chosen to) left them for that length of time either. I was their main carer. A few hours, or an evening out was fine but any longer wasn't.
And in what way is camping in the middle of nowhere a party? What are they going to do for 3 days? WTF is the point of that, and why would you expect other people to do it? Just weird.

True klayden but the sister obviously does!

Baby doesn't really know the grandies who would be babysitting, fwiw, that would bother me a lot.

I've never been on a hen event. It's just a lark, a fun party, right? Why all the aggro??

Well done, OP. You are quite right to say you couldn't go, and your Dsis and DM are BtotallyU to be pissed off. Enjoy your quiet weekend with your baby and don't feel even slightly guilty

No way. It's just not possible if you're breastfeeding, unless it's possible to take baby, which changes the whole atmosphere of the weekend and probably isn't wanted. I wouldn't leave in these circumstances even if I wasn't breastfeeding (unfamiliar carers, far away, very young baby who can't understand an explanation). Your family are putting their wishes above your baby's welfare but your responsibility is to your baby.

Dont understand how hen events have now become some sort of emotional "be there or you mean nothing to me" sagas. Supposed to be abit of fun for the brides pals totally not worth upsetting yourself over. Any huffiness from your sister or mother is totally unreasonable.

Loved my hen NIGHT i.e. fun more organised than normal night out in city most of the "hens" were living in - if one had a small baby they couldn't leave wouldn't have given it a second thought!

I am sorry they have been unsympathetic. I can't understand why they would be like that. Unless your mum didn't BF and so sees it as an unreasonable bind etc. My MiL was a bit like that. Thought it made me too restricted (which it does but then it's worth it on my view!). The thing to do would have been for grandparents/friend to come as well and stay in nearby b&b. Couldn't the grandmother go on her own with you (take it the grandmother who would be babysitting isn't your own mum which is why you're nervous?). Doesn't need to bring grandad too if worried about costs. At the risk of upsetting you, it is a bit orecious to think that baby couldn't cope with being away from you. As long as the feeding went ok I am sure he would be fine. It's a bit harsh to think that a grandparent might not know how to long after a baby! I remember my mum always found it hilarious when I left her instructions as first when she looked after mine. She knows far more about parenting than I probably ever will!

Totally disagree Autumndays sorry. Leaving a baby of that age even with loving GPs is a huge deal. They would probably be fine of course but the baby might well be upset and the mother definitely would be.

Also they are wild camping! Not sure suitable for granny and baby to be hanging around. DSis has basically chosen the most unchildfriendly trip possible which is fine and her prerogative but she then can't be surprised that OP can't make it.

You have done the right thing. You would have been miserable, struggling to pump, with leaky boobs and mastitis by the end of it all. All in a shared 6 man tent!! It would have been madness to go.

Everyone is different of course & I think that for me at 6months baby with GPs for a couple of hours so that husband & I could go out for a coffee/drink/walk together was enough.

A weekend, no way.

At 6 months I went on a day/overnight hen do about 1 1/2 hours away. However I said I couldn't stay overnight due to bfing baby. Friend was 100% fine and grateful I was coming at all.

Yes your sister will be disappointed at you pulling out 'at the last minute' as she will see if but you did give her more than enough notice that you were reluctant and clearly when push came to shove you couldn't do it. I didn't spend a night away from my DD till she was 15 months old because of bfing. It's normal. Perhaps because the other hens don't have children they don't realise that but your decision is perfectly understandable to me and many others on the thread.

Crazy idea. You should definitely not go. Well done for saying no.

My DS is Ff and I wouldn't leave him for the weekend either, it's not just about the practicalities of feeding which makes mothers want/need to be close the their baby.

I LOVE wild camping, but there are several reasons why it would be impossible to take the baby:

You can't take a pushchair across rugged terrain.

You would seriously struggle with a sling and a rucksack

There is absolutely no sanitation, where would you put nappies? In your rucksack for three days or in the tent? What if baby needs medical attention? Or gets nappy rash? You can't even bath him.

Separate tent or not, crying babies and childless people on hen nights are rarely a good mix.

Campfire. I personally would not want my 6mo baby sitting round a campfire or in a dark smoke filled tent near the campfire.

Madness. You absolutely couldn't take baby. You could have a 3 hour hike just to get to camp!

And all the very good reasons above why you shouldn't have to go if you aren't comfortable with it.