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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Miss my sister's hen party?

118 replies

Poppy007 · 09/06/2015 15:07

Hi all, i'm new to this and in need of advice/opinions. I am feeling slightly anxious due to the fact my sister's hen party is coming up which involves a three day/two night trip away to a remote part of the UK. My little one will be almost 6 months and is still exclusively breastfed. My husband cannot look after the baby for the weekend as he is away on business therefore care will fall to my (eager) parents who, though entirely competent, are unfamiliar to my little one as they live far from us and haven't seen him for 3 months. I am getting incredibly worried about this for many reasons: my son will be left for a whole weekend with people he doesn't really know and in surroundings he is unfamiliar with; he is not very used to feeding from a bottle; i will be far away and practically unable to return if i need to (we'll be on an island!); and (more selfishly) I will be needing to express like a dairy machine every 3 - 4 hours all weekend. Clearly the easy thing to do would be not to go, except it is highly expected by both my sister and mother that I will be there. Eeek! Any advice? Thanks!

OP posts:
Original poster
Poppy007 · 09/06/2015 15:31

I suppose if sister says no to baby on hen that I discuss the alternative of not going myself. Hope there will be no family showdown - hormones can't take it right now!

OP posts:
CleverPlansAndSecretTricks · 09/06/2015 15:31

Sorry, that should have said I wouldn't go without him!

diddl · 09/06/2015 15:39

"Clearly the easy thing to do would be not to go,"

Absolutely agree.

"except it is highly expected by both my sister and mother that I will be there."

Well, they'll have to get over themselves!

QueenofallIsee · 09/06/2015 15:42

I wouldn't go - breastfeeding a baby is a FABULOUS excuse to avoid wild camping in close proximity with 6 other people. But then, I would rather breastfeed the entire Gay Mens Chorus of Los Angeles than do that anyway.

I am no help.

Original poster
Poppy007 · 09/06/2015 15:45

Yes diddl you're probably right, they should just get over themselves. Particularly as I voiced my concerns when the 'remote wild camping' hen idea came up, and my sister still went ahead with it. I must point out here that my sister is lovely and this is quite unusual behaviour from her - since she got engaged she has become somewhat of a bridezilla! Its just so strange for me to be disagreeing/arguing with my family and a part of me just wants to avoid any confrontation. But I know I need to put myself and my son first on this one. I liked the idea of the d&v bug :-) someone had - except i'm the world's crappest liar and they'd see straight through me!

OP posts:
Oscarandelliesmum · 09/06/2015 15:50

Cut yourself some slack and give it a miss. Doesn't sound very feasible to me.

Blarblarblar · 09/06/2015 16:01

I wouldn't go. My sister for married when my other sister and I had very little babies, 3mnths and 6months at hen do we both ebf so it was do it close of don't do it. I feel bad my sister didn't get the night I would have wanted for her but my babies needs were more important. DC2 however has been on formula fed from 6mnths and I just got back from an amazing romantic week end away......bliss Smile
I hope your sister understand and as others have said if she doesn't yet she might one day.good luck

coconutpie · 09/06/2015 16:06

How are you even supposed to express while "wild camping"? Don't go - if you go, that'll be the end of you breastfeeding as your supply will dry up. There is no way I would've left my ebf baby for a day, never mind a weekend.

mmollytoots · 09/06/2015 16:07

No one will like having a baby on a hen party it will bring the atmosphere down. just don't go

TarkaTheOtter · 09/06/2015 16:10

I agree, don't go. Taking the baby will not be fun for anybody. I say that as someone who loves babies.

Theycallmemellowjello · 09/06/2015 16:13

I understand that you might not want to go, however, I do think you'll owe sister a massive apology - it will not be very nice for her to have her sister pull out at the last minute, and it's not like anything's changed since you agreed.

Lavenderice · 09/06/2015 16:18

I'm in two minds here on one hand I'd be upset and a tad miffed if I was your sister but it sounds like you wouldn't enjoy yourself. One thing though, don't make an excuse, just tell th how you feel, you'll feel better for it.

TheWintersmith · 09/06/2015 16:18

Another vote for,the d&v option

I may or may not have done something similar.

morelikeguidelines · 09/06/2015 16:23

I wouldn't want to go wild camping, so my view might not be helpful! If I was having a rare break from baby I would want a good night sleep.

You could manage to express with a hand pump, which was all I used when expressing for ds. Came in handy because I don't work in an office or anywhere sensible.

If you are going to go, start getting him used to more bottles now.

At 5 months my ds wasn't all that bothered who he was with, so if yours is similar he might be fine with your parents.

Lavenderice · 09/06/2015 16:24

I wonder why it is that when most people think that it's perfectly reasonable for you not to go people think that you should lie to your family?

morelikeguidelines · 09/06/2015 16:24

I really wouldn't take the baby with you though. Worst of all options IMO (feel free to ignore!)

Silverweed · 09/06/2015 16:27

I think your tits will hurt like hell and will be pissing milk every time you think about LO. The tent will smell like the bottom of an old milk bottle.

Has your sister ever breastfed a 5 month old?? Had you when you agred to go? No? Well you can tell her that sadly, you all made a big mistake out of well- meaning ignorance, but you have now realised its a medical impossibility, you are gutted and really sorry but it just physically isn't possible and could harm your milk supply and even your health.

It will HURT fgs. No way you could enjoy the weekend IMO. Cry on the phone about how sad you are but please don't hurt yourself.

lynniep · 09/06/2015 16:29

I wouldn't do it. When my DS2 was 5 months I had to go up North to be with my dad as he was dying (4 hours away from us).
I left DS1 with DH as he was 3, but DS2 was still breastfeeding (although happy with bottle too) and very very attached to me.
There is no way I'd leave him with anyone else.
Lots of people thought it wierd I brought a baby to a hospital wing every day for nearly a week. I couldn't see how it made any difference to DS2, but he would have been very distressed without me.
As others have said, you will be anxious. You won't enjoy it. Your baby will be unecessarily stressed out. Take your baby or don't go.

lynniep · 09/06/2015 16:31

(also I agree with Silverweed. I went away for 1 night when DS1 was 4 months old. My tits hurt so much and were so engorged I left at 4am the next morning because I couldn't stand it any longer)

shadypines · 09/06/2015 16:32

I'm not surprised you're feeling anxious OP but YANBU....your mum and sis are though! How about they give some though to a new mum and baby instead of a bunch of women having a shin dig in a tent?

Threads like this really piss me off, how selfish can people be, it's hen 'night' not the wedding.

You have enough good reasons not to go that you could fill a phone book with them.

NewNameFor2015 · 09/06/2015 16:36

When my ebf son was 5 months I had to have an operation. Because of the drugs I was given I couldn't feed him for 48 hours. It was hell. I camped out in the bedroom while dh had him and he cried and cried and Refused the bottle even though he'd taken it previously. I expressed every 3 hours hours, but it wasn't the same. My boobs hurt all the time and I couldn't get them empty even when they felt empty to the touch they still felt full inside.
After 24 hours I was calling the breastfeeding advice line to get clarification on the drugs and when I could feed again, they said it was 24 hours and I have never been so relieved to latch him on!
Honestly from my expiearience I'd say he goes with you or you don't go. Expressing and feeding baby the odd bottle is completely different to expressing over a longer period of time.

biffyboom · 09/06/2015 16:39

Have you ever gone a day without feeding your baby?

It's excruciating to not express. And can be difficult to do if you're not practiced at it.

I used to be in tears when we had to visit ils and be unable to bf for upto 8hrs due to them being uncomfortable about me doing it.

diddl · 09/06/2015 16:40

Perhaps at some point you can have a meal with your mum & sister?

Well it's like if you decide to get married abroad, you've got to accept that some won't come.

So if you're having time away for your hen do, the same applies.

Some don't have the time/money or inclination!

slanleat · 09/06/2015 16:40

Its been said before, but I'll say it again. If you go it will mean the end of you breastfeeding your baby. And you will be sore for the entire time, and miserable, and no doubt weepy. Not worth it.

Write off the expense of the flight, add a bit to it if you can and throw your sister the money for a round of drinks or part of a meal and leave it at that. In time if she ever has kids she will get over it.

I would maybe consider going and staying with your mum and dad for the weekend and leaving the baby with them for a few hours each day so they still get some time with him. They may have been looking forward to bonding with him some more.

Penfold007 · 09/06/2015 16:54

I don't think it's feasible to leave a six month EBF baby for three days. D&V gets my vote.