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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it's rude to turn the telly up when you have guests?

35 replies

jimijack · 09/06/2015 14:58

This has happened twice in the last week with different friends.
1st friend who I haven't seen in ages, arranged ages ago to Bob round for a coffee and catch up, really looking forward to seeing her and finding out about what she has been up to. Teenage daughter comes in the room after about an hour (they have a separate snug type room and her dd was in when unmarried) plonks herself down, gets the remote, turns on MTV then turns up the volume.
It was very difficult to talk, my friend says nothing, just carries on trying to talk.

2nd friend, last minute thing, I popped.in with a bag of stuff for her, arranged a day or so previously, her dh was in the room, he normally disappears to another room on his gaming thingy, but instead while we were talking, the Simpson's came on so he turned up the volume so we could no longer talk.

OMG it's occurred to me while I was typing that maybe they wanted rid of.me!!!!!!
I can't see that this is the case!! Lol been friends for over 20 years!

Rude yes?

OP posts:

Original poster

jimijack · 09/06/2015 15:00

Unmarried..wtf is that all about!

OP posts:

KoalaDownUnder · 09/06/2015 15:03

I think it's rude to even have the telly on when you have guests round, let alone turn it up!

worldgonecrazy · 09/06/2015 15:04

Telly goes off when there are guests. I think it's rude to have it on at all.

pasbeaucoupdegendarme · 09/06/2015 15:05

Tbh I think it's rude to leave the telly on when guests are around full stop, so turning up the volume would drive me mad.

Yes, maybe they wanted rid of you

pasbeaucoupdegendarme · 09/06/2015 15:06

Ooh x post with like minded people

MehsMum · 09/06/2015 15:07

In this house, the telly is only on when we have guests if everybody has agreed to watch something.

Otherwise, it's rude.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 09/06/2015 15:07

If I had a guest here, and Dh or the dses came into the room and turned the TV up, it would go off straight away, and they would get very short shrift!

It was rude of the dd and the dh in those two scenarios, but also rude of the hostess to allow it.

Andrewofgg · 09/06/2015 15:08

Guests in - telly off. No ifs, no buts, no exceptions.

TwinkieTwinkle · 09/06/2015 15:17

Guests in - telly off. No ifs, no buts, no exceptions.

I would agree with this apart from I think I have one exception. Years ago I remember one of my mum's friends popping in unannounced. World Cup final or something was on and my dad was watching. Instead of going to sit in the other livingroom to natter, my mum insisted they sat in the room my dad was using already and glowered at him because he wouldn't turn it down. I still to this day can't work out how my mum thought he was unreasonable.

RackofPeas · 09/06/2015 15:33

If you're invited and expected... then the telly goes off.
If you're not expected...
Well last year Dh and I were getting all settled to watch the Silverstone Grand Prix. Someone knocked at the door, wanted to come in and just chat for a bit.
We left the telly on. We'd been looking forward to watching the race and were both a little irritated about the interruption and wanted to watch the race live as it's pretty impossible to not find out the result if you save it for later on catch up.
The unexpected visitor decided we were rude. If they'd had the courtesy to ring up first we'd a have said to come over later in the day. And they expected to stay for dinner.

Atenco · 09/06/2015 15:40

I don't think your friend conspired with her teenage daughter to get you out, honestly. She has just not the lass any manners or consideration.

Naoko · 09/06/2015 15:42

Guests = tv off. But if there's a sporting event on I really want to see, the guests are good friends, and it's not a short visit, I might well ask if they mind me having it on.

Sallystyle · 09/06/2015 15:53

TV is off if guests are here.

I make exceptions for my mum and sister because they want it on and I don't consider them guests as they just walk in and know I like them to help themselves to food and drink and make themselves at home.

My sister often stays for days at a time so imo there is a difference.

GirlSailor · 09/06/2015 16:05

If the great had been the daughter's friend, would you not think it was rude of her to come into the room and talk loudly to her friend when mum was watching tv? If there's only 1 tv in the house, and someone wants to watch it, then I think it's fair that people just talking and having coffee could do that elsewhere, if the kitchen is separate for example.

GirlSailor · 09/06/2015 16:05

Sorry, great should be GUEST. Thanks autocorrect.

Andrewofgg · 09/06/2015 16:29

Even for uninvited guests: start the DTR recording. People before screens.

ifgrandmahadawilly · 09/06/2015 16:55

YANBU.

However, if this has happened twice to you lately I would question whether or not you are overly loud / talkative / unable to take a hint when to leave.

Sorry.

GirlSailor · 09/06/2015 17:05

But it's not like the friend ignored OP and continued watching tv when they had arranged a visit. Would you really want to interrupt your catch up to talk to her daughter? I can't see why kids are expected to join an adult conversation, and if there's space to talk elsewhere in the house it would be fair to move there so the rest of the family could continue as usual. Understandable that OP had trouble hearing but maybe the friends are just used to more background noise so didn't notice.

Jackie0 · 09/06/2015 17:12

I have difficulty hearing a conversation when there is background noise so if I were in the situation you describe I simply wouldn't be able to converse at all.
It is very rude, having the telly on at all when guests arrive is rude.
It does appear to have been done with the intention of getting you out.

GirlSailor · 09/06/2015 17:22

I know I seem to be the only one with a contrary opinion, so would like to understand. Is it the tv interrupting the conversation that you think is rude, or the carrying on as normal when someone else's guest is there? If the daughter/husband had been reading a book and ignored the guys would that be rude, or is it just the tv?

Atenco · 10/06/2015 04:16

Reading a book does not distract, a television does and in the case of the OP, and myself, meant that she could not continue her conversation.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 10/06/2015 04:29

Autocorrect does make reading some of the posts far more entertaining!

However, back to the point - yes it's rude. Neither the DD nor the DH had any manners at all.

I would leave the tv on if unexpected guests showed up, but mostly because it's on for the benefit of DS2 and if I switched it off it would cause waaaay more disruption than leaving it on, at low volume. Our house is mostly open plan, so we can sit away from where the tv is to chat. But I'd be very cross if the tv was turned up .

If there were no children around, then the tv would go off (or probably wouldn't even be on in the first place).

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 10/06/2015 04:32

Girlsailor - in the OP's case it is the volume of the tv that is causing disruption to the conversation.

However, some people are naturally drawn to the tv when it's on, so in the absence of small children, I would switch it off to stop the distraction. People are rarely distracted by other people reading books.

ollieplimsoles · 10/06/2015 06:40

I think if you turn up unannounced then its a bit different, but if you have been invited, even just for a pop in, then telly definitely off.

My pils are terrible for this, they switch the telly over and continue to watch normal programs while me and dh are there. We recently took our 20 week scan photos round and tried to talk about everything but mil kept turning the telly up (still asking us questions!) it was really annoying.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 10/06/2015 06:50

I think if it happens again you should get up and leave abruptly. They were both rude.

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