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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go?

48 replies

Nooname01 · 08/06/2015 14:09

So my dbro and sil are members of an evangelical Christian church that believes in men having authority over women and that homosexuality is a sin.

To say these positions offend me and my own world view is an understatement!!

Generally we just avoid discussing anything controversial, and we socialise with them outside of their church environment.

My nephew is now getting baptised and we have been invited...

Would you go?

My first instinct is to go and support my dear nephew, but does this then suggest I support their views?

Any opinions?

OP posts:
L0gLady · 08/06/2015 14:18

Can you just go to the party afterwards?

ThomasRichard · 08/06/2015 14:19

Yes I would go and just keep my mouth shut. It's not as though you're being asked to take part in the ceremony is it?

LaurieFairyCake · 08/06/2015 14:22

Yes, I think you should go. Ive been to
more than one Moslem, Sikh wedding - also weddings in Catholic Churches.

I too disagree with your relatives perspective on those issues but I would still go - it's not condoning them to attend the event.

RainbowFlutterby · 08/06/2015 14:23

I'd go. As an atheist I attend friends' children's christening as I support them and their choiceS even if they're not mine.

Original poster
Nooname01 · 08/06/2015 14:23

I feel if I say we won't go to the actual ceremony then I'm making a big ethical point that could open a big can of worms.
But if we go are we implicitly condoning their, in my view, unacceptable views?

OP posts:
Original poster
Nooname01 · 08/06/2015 14:25

Ok thanks that makes me feel better.

I was worried just going looks like saying I think their views are ok, but I guess all I'm doing is saying I'm supporting my nephew in his own life choices

OP posts:
Summerisle1 · 08/06/2015 14:29

All you are doing is attending your DN's christening. Not selling your soul to this particular evangelical sect.

ThomasRichard · 08/06/2015 14:30

LaurieFairyCake makes a good point. I've been to plenty of religious ceremonies of religions to which I don't subscribe, always in support of my friend/family rather than the religion itself.

Original poster
Nooname01 · 08/06/2015 14:33

Yes I know but I just feel very strongly on these points and do actually believe that organisations like this church are indirectly responsible for a huge amount of individual suffering in the way they contribute to misogyny and homophobia.

So it is a big thing for me to go and not feel like I'm saying their philosophical positions are not horrible and destructive...

OP posts:
BeautyQueenFromMars · 08/06/2015 14:40

Are they likely to use your attendance as an excuse to foist their religious literature on you, and use it as an opportunity for them to 'preach' to you?
If yes, don't go and send your nephew a card.
If no, go and enjoy seeing your family.

Original poster
Nooname01 · 08/06/2015 14:51

Yes they will use it as an opportunity to try to evangelise (eg based on my dbro's wedding)

OP posts:
PatriciaHolm · 08/06/2015 14:57

I wouldn't go.

There will, I suspect, be an awful lot of preaching about how you all, the congregation, welcome the child into the church etc...and I would not be able to sit there quietly and "support" it. I know a lot of people could, and that's fine, but I couldn't.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 08/06/2015 15:00

I would go.

BrianButterfield · 08/06/2015 15:32

We went to a christening at a church whose views we very much don't support (same kind of evangelical Christian church). It was trying, to say the least. Although atheist I am comfortable at 'mainstream' CofE services and also at Catholic mass - I find even though I don't believe I can take something of value from the experience, be it the familiarity of the hymns, the message from the sermon or just an enjoyment of ritual and tradition. However this was in a modern setting (an old church whose interior had been ripped out to make way for a US-style stage), they had a band playing new hymns which were rather strongly religious for my tastes (if that makes sense - I mean far beyond the All Things Bright and Beautiful type), the sermons/readings were from lay preachers, went on and on and were eyebrow-raising in their sentiments, and overall it was quite difficult to just sit back and take it in, something I've had zero problem doing at other christenings.

However it meant a lot to the couple that we attended and I suppose it was an education of sorts.

ollieplimsoles · 08/06/2015 15:35

I would not attend this Christening.

I was worried just going looks like saying I think their views are ok, but I guess all I'm doing is saying I'm supporting my nephew in his own life choices

I don't want to cause uproar here but becoming a member of this church is not your nephew's choice. It has been made for him by his parents- who are members of this church and have chosen to Christen him here.

Original poster
Nooname01 · 08/06/2015 16:05

He's 11 if it makes any difference.

OP posts:
Moomintroll85 · 08/06/2015 16:08

Have to agree with ollieplimsoles here. Even if it does cause uproar, it's only the truth.

AuntyMag10 · 08/06/2015 16:13

You should go for your nephews sake and not make this about you.

drspouse · 08/06/2015 16:13

So it IS the nephew's life choice, or at least his choice for his current stage in life - assuming it works like confirmation where most DC will go along with it either because they want it or because they are happy to please their parents, but some will refuse.

(I have a little bit of experience of churches like this, and I'd say it's fairly likely that refusal would have been OK and at least not actively punished, they'd all just tut and pray for the lad).

sparkysparkysparky · 08/06/2015 16:18

Go and keep quiet about differing views. It would be more of a thing if you didnâ??t turn up. I doubt very much whether the extreme views would be touted as part of the ceremony and if another guest wants to be inappropriate and engage you in a conversation about extreme views afterwards just urgently need to be somewhere else.
My guess is it'll just be a nice family day all about your nephew and a bit about his parents.

ollieplimsoles · 08/06/2015 16:20

Do you know if its his choice OP or just something that 'happens' so he is going along with it with no questions asked?

At 11 he still might not realise the negatives attached to this Church, or he has been actively shielded from them.

Lavenderice · 08/06/2015 17:56

It sounds like you and I have a very similar point of view and I absolutely would not go. Also I went to a christening at one of these churches when I was about 18 (too young to know better) and it was about 3 hours long! Plus my younger sister who was about 9 at the time found it very scary (people shouting and speaking in tongues etc) and had to be taken out.

timelyreminder · 08/06/2015 18:09

Go and support your nephew. Visiting a church doesn't mean you have to agree with the content of the service. If you're uncomfortable with any of the words the congregation are asked to say, you can choose not to join in with those parts. Allow plenty of time though, as IME the services at that type of church can be rather lengthy.

sarascompact · 08/06/2015 18:17

I wouldn't go. I don't want to encourage or tacitly condone any religion never mind sexist, homophobic beliefs.

I'm questioning the "11 year old's life choices" stuff too. What life experience does an 11 year old child have to make those choices? I couldn't condone the propagandism of a child.

HellBoundNothingFound · 08/06/2015 18:20

I wouldn't go, I couldn't go! their beliefs are fundamentally damaging and not something I could enable by attending.