To not go?

[Nooname01]

So my dbro and sil are members of an evangelical Christian church that believes in men having authority over women and that homosexuality is a sin.

To say these positions offend me and my own world view is an understatement!!

Generally we just avoid discussing anything controversial, and we socialise with them outside of their church environment.

My nephew is now getting baptised and we have been invited...

Would you go?

My first instinct is to go and support my dear nephew, but does this then suggest I support their views?

Any opinions?

My BIL and SIL are atheist and deeply anti religion of any kind.

They came to my DCs Christenings which was much appreciated. They came because they love our children.

I would go and then run away as fast as I could after if they intend to evangelise afterwards.

Your nephew is 11, and he's choosing to get baptized? If it is the religion I suspect it is, he is far too young to understand what a huge effect this will have on his life.

Personally, I wouldn't go, and I would explain that it's because I disagree with children of that age making such huge life decisions. He's too young to get married, have kids, drive, drink, get a job, but not too young to make a fully informed decision to dedicate his life to a religion? But that's just me, obviously!

I wouldn't go. If it were a Catholic or Presbyterian service I woukd probably suck it up, but I abhor the evangelical churches and how in your face they are. I would feel that by attending I am okay with the messages of the church, which I am not.

BeautyQueen In this type of church this is similar to confirmation, first holy communion, or bar/bat mitzvah. Not going into a monastery.

I wasn't thinking monastery, just of personal experience with a particular religion that encourages baptism at a young age, after which leaving the religion is incredibly difficult and has horrid repercussions for many.
I didn't mean any disrespect to other religions, and apologise if I caused offence.

Another one saying go, it's a christening for your nephew. You don't have to get involved in anything. The poor little mite doesn't have a choice yet does he.

I would not go. I wouldn't make a fuss about it, just quietly appear after the church bit. Personally I would not feel comfortable celebrating the entry of a child family member into a church that I feel is inherently harmful to that child.

Perfectly put by winter

Its because I care for the child that I wouldn't go.

I would go. You can love and support people with agreeing with them.

I'm sure I'd be very upset if I had a secular celebration party for the birth of my child and my family refused to attend as it wasn't a christening.

I would only go to the bit after

It depends on how strongly you feel about these issues (homosexuality, patriarchal society etc). I'm saying nothing about how strongly you think you should feel, which is where I suspect your uncertainty stems from.

I would never go to anything involving the ku klux klan, for example, not even for my own child. A pro-life lobby? Probably not. Pro-guns? Never. Anti-gay marriage? I probably would, not because I'd be okay with gay men and women not being able to marry (far from it), but because it's not a matter I think I would sacrifice family harmony for (mostly because where I live, the LGBT community does an amazing job of looking after itself, the fight has already been won and objection to it is a waste of time so my non-attendance would make no difference).

Well I'd go, but be prepared to be preached at, these churches see opportunities of weddings/baptisms/funerals as fair game for fodder for evangelising (Brainwashing) non churchgoers.

I'm sure I'd be very upset if I had a secular celebration party for the birth of my child and my family refused to attend as it wasn't a christening.

If part of your party was to promise to teach your child hatred and intolerance, and to train them to think in a way that will harm their future....would you really expect everyone to love and support you anyway.

This isn't about atheists not going to a catholic mass or whatever (although thats up to them anyway). It's not about putting principles before people. It's about having very fundamental issues with the entire point of the ceremony and what it means for the future of someone you care about.

As long as you don't have to say anything or take part, I would go. I find religion fascinating, as I personally just don't "get" it, so would go for the entertainment value.

And to offer support for my nephew.

Are people who don't go to church not making decisions for their 11 year old and not giving them choice in what to do..are they offering them church as a choice.. Surely all parents indoctrinate their kids whether for church or against. I go to church brought my kids while they were young and when they were teenagers let them decide for themselves.. No big drama from me or the particular church. One goes very regularly the other two dip in and out but they at least could make a choice as they had seen both sides. As for going to christening my kids never forgot who came to their stuff and that wasn't often as my family were Catholic and l choose a different church that they were reluctant to attend ie reluctant to attend anything not Catholic

Are people who don't go to church not making decisions for their 11 year old and not giving them choice in what to do

No. The opposite.

I'm Pagan and go to pretty much any religious ceremony I'm invited to
I don't join in as such, apart from the hymns purely because I love a good one, bow my head every so often at appropriate points and keep schtum.
Oh, and offer to take any noisy family children outside during the service.
I've had the odd bit of evangelising every so often but have developed a 'really? How very interesting' type of stock answer and a blindingly subtle moving politely away technique.
Weirdly the one person who cheerfully invites me to church do's and never bats on at me is a vicar (who definitely knows)
If you think you can be there purely for your nephew then go, otherwise appear quietly after the service.

If your nephew would be excommunicated/disowned by his parents if he left the church when he is older then I would refuse to go. If not then to be honest if just take the view that it's just a necessary evil to get past.

I wouldn't go. My brother is in a similar church and has views about gay marriage completely against my own. I would never do anything to condone his church. I also went to a wedding at one church where the couple had an hour long service with many readings about how the non believer's fruit would wither on the vine and be barren and basically just an hour lecture for non Christians. I was really offended and regretted going.

But is it polite to just turn up to the party afterwards? I would probably either go to all or none of it. Surely the party is in celebration of the religious event that has just taken place?

(all or none of the day's events, that is)