To resent members of my wider family who voted Tory?

[Livingtothefull]

I love them and being with them (parents & siblings), that will never change, but I can't help being cross with them all the same:

Before the election we discussed who we would be voting for, who was going to win etc. Some family members said that they would be voting Tory because they felt that 'the economy would be in the safest hands'.

I told them that we all knew that if the Tories got in they would make savage cuts to public services, and that these were likely to affect some of the most vulnerable….one of these is my DS who is disabled, both physically (in a wheelchair) and severe learning disabilities.

Over the Coalition years quite a few of the things he used to enjoy and made our lives easier, have been stripped away. We knew if we had a Tory government that it was likely to get worse.

In the past few weeks we have learned the following:

The bus service that takes DS to his school (no suitable school in our area) is being cut back. The team of drivers/helpers, who have looked after him for over 5 years (so they know him & he is comfortable with them) is going to be replaced with a cheaper service….no first aid trained staff on the bus so instead we will be called, not great if we are at work.

DS goes to a family who look after him through a respite care service, every few weeks and occasionally overnight. Again, he has been going there for several years so close relationships have been formed. To cut a long story short, we have heard that this service is going to be reduced or even removed.

I wish we could just be left alone, we have enough on our plates without worrying about what is going to be taken away from DS and us next. I don't feel we are asking too much. My DS is highly vulnerable, will never be able to live independently, he will have as good a life as his country is willing to give him.

I will always love them but I really feel a gulf opening up between us & them in terms of our understanding, and this saddens me.

*schools sen and youth social services

I sympathise with what you are losing op and am sure that many of us would prefer to keep services like that and come up with other far less deserving ones to be cut instead.

But relating to the vote YABU. Did you perhaps expect them to vote the way you wanted just because they were related to you then? In effect hand over their vote to you (not literally of course).

Taken to the extreme this would result in the government being elected solely by those who benefit based on what they were being promised with little or no say from those who supply them.

Do you also resent the huge amount of people that didn't bother to vote? Do you also resent the Labour party for the shower of shit they left is with? Do you resent the Labour Party for allowing a leader, they knew the public wouldn't get behind, to run for election? Do you resent Labour for not running a campaign people could get behind? Do you resent Labour because they didn't so enough in the last 5 years to gain peoples trust back.

Personally, I don't think Labour would have done anything different. As the opposing party you always have a get out clause, to veer for your manifesto. You can come to power and claim you had no idea how bad things were and so can't do lots of what you said or you at least have to post pone it. I also don't believe this about Labour the reasons for the choices they made would be for very different reasons as a pp said. Labour are no longer the party for most people. They are so similar to the Tories now.

Totally agree with you OP. I'm in the exact same position - severely disabled child, dependent on many services that are being cut and cut again, and my parents (who know exactly what the cuts mean for us, and live in another part of the country and don't help with my DD at all) are proud of voting Tory. I despair, and I told them so - told them that it felt like a kick in the teeth, when they know what Tory social and economic policies are doing to families like mine. We are not close, and now we are less close!

I do sympathise with your situation - the cuts in your service are wrong- and I would not vote Tory myself but I find this going in about the legitimacy of this govt under fptp peculiar. The last labour govt had 32% of the vote, very few govts
have achieved a majority of the country, yet still people seem just now to have suddenly woken up to this. Do they really want electoral reform? Didn't look like it four years ago.

I suppose that's good though because they don't seem to have woken up to just how hypocritical (ed-2 kitchen inheritance dodge) labour is. Can anyone defend tony Blair ? Oh well. It seems demonising groups is important to everyone .

Yanbu. And being told to grow up would piss me right off.

The Tories are the party of the rich.

Op, if my dneph had a disability and my voting for a party I do not fundamentally agree with would make a difference to the care he received, I'd do it. And it would KILL me to vote tory but if voting for them would potentially make my sister's life easier, I would do it. (I know your scenario is the other way around and you wanted them to vote labour). So Yanbu, but I wouldn't be falling out with them over it, I'd put it down to them not having a very good understanding of the issues.

YANBU. I can see how it feels personal and the points you make on this thread in my eyes are valid.

OP I too would be very hurt. But they probably have believed all the bollocks about the economy that the press has been spoon feeding us for years that the Tories will improve the economy and labour destroy it.
Perhaps they believe that for you and your DS a strong economy is a necessity.

I told them that we all knew that if the Tories got in they would make savage cuts to public services, and that these were likely to affect some of the most vulnerable

I am very surprised to read that most people vote based on what best suits them;

I do sympathize with your problems and believe the families of the disabled are entitled to far more support than they currently receive, but your political beliefs are obviously shaped by what you think will serve your needs best.

You must lobby your MP and local politicians for support, and persuade your family to help; you can achieve change by constructive protest.

There's a saying 'Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies'.

Politics aside, for your own benefit, let it go.

Actually worse still is people who don't vote but then moan about the current government they didn't bother to vote in or out.

Sorry but shut the fuck up. You had the chance to keep them in or vote them out but you didn't take it.

'Persuade your family to help.' Yep, it really is that easy.

Is it worth approaching mumsnet for a campaign? We can all get behind that...

Your anger is better directed at the Labour party who failed to give the country a convincing reason to vote for them and a narrative they could get behind.

YANBU! You have every right to your feelings, and I expect in some ways you feel your wider family have failed to protect your DS. I'm so sorry you are facing these cuts, it is absolutely disgusting that disabled children should be affected in any way by government money-making schemes. Have you thought of writing to your local paper or starting a petition against these cuts?

NR rather than stamp all over the op, I suggest you read TWT where op states not necessarily voting labour, but an alternative. Please remember the op is a parent to a disabled child with complex special needs. A very tough job and please show a bit it respect and empathy, if you have any?

Lily

Her family have not "failed to protect" the OPs DS.

OP has every right to explain her views to her family in the hope she can change their mind, but she shouldn't expect everyone to automatically change their voting plans based on her concerns. It's likely OPs family have voted according to their views- perhaps they feel that the Tories would best manage the economy, thus preventing another financial downturn and this would actually protect their whole family (and the country)?

Others might disagree with their point of view, but it doesn't invalidate their argument. Nor does it make them, as many posters have suggested, "taken in" or "not understanding what they are voting for"- seems more than a little pompous to assume that unless everybody votes the way we think they should this means they are stupid, misinformed or selfish/greedy/heartless.

I'd also say as a previous poster said that I don't think labour would have done things all that much different. The local councils spending plans for this year would have been earlier this year, so not decided by the results of this election. So if Labour wouldn't have done much differently, and the Lib Dems were in coalition in the last government (so partly responsible for the spending cuts in this parliament) I'm not sure who they "should" have voted for in order that the OP was satisfied. I agree the FPTP system should be reformed in order that we get a more representative government though.

OP has clearly got a lot on her plate and these cuts are affecting her family badly, which is a horrible situation to be in. That said, I think she is directing her resentment at the wrong people. Ultimately, she will be the only person who suffers from this, which seems a shame as she has enough difficulties to deal with. I think that you can have different views and experiences, but still respect others views and be close to them. Resenting them for "a gulf in understanding" (or just different point of view?) seems to be "cutting off your nose to spite your face" as my granny used to say.

YABU.
What exactly did you think would happen if Labour got in? They don't have a magic wand to whip up extra money you know, they would just have borrowed more and saddled the country with even more debt!
Even if they had managed to spare the services that affect you personally, the axe would have fallen elsewhere or they would have heaped even more taxation on hard working people. Even expert economists disagree about which would be the right approach in the long run so I'm not getting into all that, save to say that the majority of the country voted Tory so basically suck it up!
5 years time the country will have another chance to decide whether they think the Tories have actually made progress or whether Labour deserve a crack. Until then pipe down, we live in a democratic country and you lost. Deal with it.

"hardworking"
do you not realise that you have swallowed the spin?
this it what the torys did.
and it worked. a whole heap of voters believe all people who claim benefits are lazy.
try being a carer 24/7

Samcro

This is the problem- you assume that people have been "duped" as opposed to just agreeing with their policies. I personally didn't vote Tory, but don't think everyone who did are automatically deficient in understanding or intelligence, or else immoral.

I think the point maninawomansworld was making (though done in a strident manner) is that they feel that even if Labour had got in they would still have had to make cuts (perhaps in different areas of spending) or taxes raised to pay for increased spending. This may have resulted in the OP being relatively protected, but other groups would have been negatively affected and unhappy. We all vote according to our own interests and/or views of how to best run the country.

Samcro There is a limit to the amount of tax that can be raised in this (and any) country. Spending above this means borrowing and is unsustainable in the long-term. Government's should only borrow to invest or in times of recession, not in normal economic cycles. The last Labour government overspend in the good times and the current government is aiming to set a balanced budget during normal economic times (which we are now in.)
The only question then, is are we raising the maximum amount of tax. This is very difficult to answer as the very rich are a small group and globally mobile. The maximum tax rate could be higher, but there is little evidence it would raise more money, and some evidence that it would raise less.
In our personal lives and in the country we would all like more, but I am not convinced there is anywhere to get more, and no political party or economist has suggested how to do it.

YABU this is a democracy

No I don't think u are BU, but is it worth falling out with family over it? I'm in similar situation to u, I'm a full-time carer to a child with severe learning difficulties and he has CP too. I'm terrified what will happen next and I would be pissed off if my parents hade voted Tory too, given that they propose to whip Carer's Allowance from over 40% of carers, tax DLA etc etc, it's very worrying. My parents voted Labour, but my in-laws voted UKIP, which I wasn't enamoured about either but I've kept my mouth shut as it will only lead to fallouts.

I agree that a good way to address your anger is through lobbying your MP and campaigning to protect these type of services for disabled children. Even The Sun newspaper is campaigning to protect women's refuges. MPs will listen to people campaigning for something that is clearly needed and people need to speak out about these things.