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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off with my able bodied neighbour?

89 replies

imnotafeministbut · 06/06/2015 17:47

A neighbour of mine, a lovely elderly lady, who I was very fond of, passed away last Feb. Her daughter 40 ish, moved back in with her about a year ago. The elderly lady quite rightly, had a disabled badge on her car. Thing is - since her passing her perfectly able-bodied daughter has been driving around in her mums old car and has kept the on disabled badge and is even parking in Disabled parking bays. WWYD?

OP posts:
Theycallmemellowjello · 06/06/2015 17:48

How do you know she's not disabled?

LIZS · 06/06/2015 17:50

Technically it is not valid unless the disabled person is using the car. Maybe she qualifies in her own right?

Bair · 06/06/2015 17:50

If I was 110% sure that the daughter does not have genuine reason for having a BB (eg has one of her own, hidden disability, other family member who needs a BB for whom she does errands) I would report it.

I hated it when MIL was ill and FIL would struggle to find a space for her, its bad enough that there aren't enough spaces for those who need them without others taking a lend.

However, if I wasn't 100% on the above, and I mean 100% I'd do nothing. Because it's an awful thing to accuse someone of.

ButterflyUpSoHigh · 06/06/2015 17:51

She will have had to send it back. We got a letter demanding my Grandads back a few days after he died.

She may have one of her own.

lougle · 06/06/2015 17:52

Are you sure the badge isn't hers, or have you made an assumption?

MythicalKings · 06/06/2015 17:52

I'd report her. If she's entitled to a blue badge she'll have one of her own.

Original poster
imnotafeministbut · 06/06/2015 17:55

Because she goes to the gym (in the car). Walks well enough around the local park, even breaks into the odd run when her dog is disobedient. I've spoken to her many times, she's nice enough, but has never mentioned a disability.

OP posts:
Original poster
imnotafeministbut · 06/06/2015 17:59

I know and that's what pisses me off the most of course. The fact that a genuinely disabled person wouldn't be able to get a parking space because of her, the liberty taking cow. My other neighbour said she saw her in the supermarket carpark the other day, putting her shopping in the car, and gave her a big breezy hello how are you? No shame at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
imnotafeministbut · 06/06/2015 18:00

She's got the house up for sale and is going to live abroad, maybe that's why she doesn't care and hasn't given the badge back? As Butterfly said she should have had a letter asking for it back by now.

OP posts:
twistletonsmythe · 06/06/2015 18:01

Well, she could have a disability.

Original poster
imnotafeministbut · 06/06/2015 18:02

Sorry - forgot to mention at the supermarket she was indeed in a disabled space.

OP posts:
giraffesCantPluckTheirEyebrows · 06/06/2015 18:03

I have a blue badge and I go to the gym and swim.

twistletonsmythe · 06/06/2015 18:07

Yes, so does my sister Giraffe. Just because someone looks well it doesn't mean they aren't deserving of a badge.

Bair · 06/06/2015 18:08

Nothing you've said there rules out that she has the badge for genuine use. She's leaving anyway, say nothing.

riveravon23 · 06/06/2015 18:29

OP. I have disabled adult sons with multiple disabiling conditions. However, the very worst disability they face is looking "normal" and therefore other people assuming there is nothing wrong with them. This judgmental attitude of other people has a negative effect on their life. btw my sons would also be able to go to the gym, shopping, run with the dog and so on. Please be certain if making accusations.

chocolateyay · 06/06/2015 18:31

Do the badges have a name on them? It could be her badge. Or it could be her mums. I assume traffic wardens check them.

bloodyteenagers · 06/06/2015 19:09

I work with several people who use the gym and swim (part of their physio program) and are entitled to blue badge.
Same with my son.
Same woth my youngest sons best mate.
Same with a neighbour.
Could go on but think you get the drift.
You cannot tell just from looking at a person if they are entitled or not.

IHaveBrilloHair · 06/06/2015 19:12

I am disabled but don't look it, I was dancing a few weeks ago.

NorahDentressangle · 06/06/2015 19:15

I would get a life.
Spying and whinging about neighbours is not a life.

Debinaboat · 06/06/2015 19:23

The usual prejudice,
You can't be disabled if you can walk :-(
oh ,and disabled people aren't allowed to do normal activities ,hell they aren't even supposed to smile and be cheery .

TokenGinger · 06/06/2015 19:28

My friend has Crohn's disease. She can run, walk, use the gym etc. However, she has part of her large intestine hanging out of her body. If she gets a tummy rumble, you can literally see her bag fill up instantly. She has to change. Immediately. The blue badge helps her with this, being able to pull over where ever she needs to.

Also, although she can use the gym, there are times when she's in complete agony and can't walk very far.

giraffesCantPluckTheirEyebrows · 06/06/2015 19:44

Chocolate yes badges have photos and names on back.

I can be very ill, low sats, breathless, unable to walk far at all or I can be good and look well and be able to do lots. But a trigger can set me off very quickly to being crap again.

to be pissed off with my able bodied neighbour?
SoupDragon · 06/06/2015 20:01

I've spoken to her many times, she's nice enough, but has never mentioned a disability.

Why should she? Do you discuss your personal medical details with your neighbours?

404UsernameNotFound · 06/06/2015 20:20

And? Yesterday I was hobbling around on a crutch for support. Today I'm fine.
You are making sweeping generalisations about someone whom in reality you know bugger all about.
YABU.

IHaveBrilloHair · 06/06/2015 20:32

The first thing I do when talking to anyone is mention my disability, I then go into great detail and hand them a card incase I forget any aspect of it.
Surely that's normal?
Someone on one of my local fb groups recently knew someone couldn't possibly be disabled as he was tall.
Tall people are all able bodied.