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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off with my able bodied neighbour?

89 replies

imnotafeministbut · 06/06/2015 17:47

A neighbour of mine, a lovely elderly lady, who I was very fond of, passed away last Feb. Her daughter 40 ish, moved back in with her about a year ago. The elderly lady quite rightly, had a disabled badge on her car. Thing is - since her passing her perfectly able-bodied daughter has been driving around in her mums old car and has kept the on disabled badge and is even parking in Disabled parking bays. WWYD?

OP posts:
Stripyhoglets · 06/06/2015 20:49

Report her if you think she's using the badge when she shouldn't.

WickedCrip · 06/06/2015 21:05

My friend and I are both in our 30s and both wheelchair users. We've had people come storming across the car park gesturing and angry when she pulls her car into a disabled space with us both in because from the car all you can see is two 30 something women. It's a very uncomfortable situation. Although the one who saw the wheelchairs and then tried to sneak away made us laugh a lot.

Aermingers · 06/06/2015 21:17

My Dad suffers from MS. It was remitting and relapsing in the early days. He went to the gym then and had special training designed to minimise the effects of the MS.

His trainng was gentle, he could do it on days when he might not be able to walk 200 yards but his arms and core were okay. If he hadn't exercised the bits that worked he would have been much worse.

Viviennemary · 06/06/2015 21:23

It is possible that the daughter has a disabled badge in her own right. Still if it annoys you and you're sure she isn't entitled to the blue badge then report her.

Silverdaisy · 06/06/2015 21:30

Are the blue badges not person specific now? I thought they had a photo id, or at least a name.

The daughter may have an invisible disability, but then she should organise her own blue badge.

Aermingers · 06/06/2015 21:31

They have always been person specific, you have to send a photo to get one.

Aermingers · 06/06/2015 21:32

You don't have to display the photo though. Just the reg. So the daughter could have her own.

redbinneo · 06/06/2015 21:38

The photo is on the back of the BB.
Report her, if she's genuinely disabled nothing will happen to her.
If she's not disabled she might get a fine of up to £1000.

Silverdaisy · 06/06/2015 21:39

Thank you aermingers, I was thinking they now issued so the owner of the badge was obvious.

I personally spend no time questioning people's "right" to a badge, having seen family with hidden disabilties treated terribly. It saddens me to hear both of people having to justify their illnesses, as much as those who blag a parking space.

hedgehogsdontbite · 06/06/2015 21:56

The abuse I've had to endure over the years because I'm obviously able bodied and must be abusing the system is horrific. I've been verbally abused, intimidated, spat at, 'reported', threatened, had my car damaged, it's a disgrace. One time I was sat in my car too scared to get out as a women went beserk, hitting my windscreen and bonnet with a brolly.

I've just had to renew again. It's so stressful because attitudes like the OP's have got me convinced I'm a fake and I feel so very guilty for having one, but at the same time I cried with relief when it arrived. Yet still I feel shamed every time I use it. I know I shouldn't, but I do.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 06/06/2015 22:00

Do report her OP. If you're right in your assumptions you'll get to feel super smug for a nanosecond. Just think how satisfying that will be. Or, as others have suggested, you could take up a hobby or put the Tilly on instead. Hmm

DrankSangriaInThePark · 06/06/2015 22:01

telly

prorsum · 06/06/2015 22:07

Hedge I'm so sorry to read your experiences, it's appalling. A family member has had people challenging her use of blue badge as her son's disability is not always evident.

OP unless you are absolutely sure of your assertions, you should MYOB. You're pathetic.

Aermingers · 06/06/2015 22:44

Hedge. My Mum has the same problem. My Dad is extremely ill now and cannot walk more than a few steps. He still manages to go to the library or to the pub with friends. But he has to be collected, he is too infirm for public transport or walking to be an option.

My mother has to go and pick him up, she always parks as close to the entrance as she can so is never alone for more than 2-3 yards. She is regularly abused. Called a lying c*t, lazy b*h.

Our Dad's blue badge is so precious she would never, ever abuse it. She will walk as far as it takes, will never use a disabled space when he's not with her, even if there are 10 free. It's awful. Really horrible. If I'm with her I will go and tell these people exactly the situation. My Mum won't. But when she's 'lucky' they see her walking out with a man who's clearly at deaths door.

fedupnorthernmum · 07/06/2015 09:39

Your comments re gym, park etc are absofuckinglutely Unreasonable. As someone has already pointed out she could have hidden disabilities which if this is the case she will undoubtably be torn about disclosing to others or not. Should she choose to do so she risks being stigmatised and judged by narrow minded people such as yourself who have no idea about what her daily existence involves. This then leads to the stigmatised feeling shame at not being 'normal'. Either report it to the council or quit with the assumptions.

madhairday · 07/06/2015 09:46

Lovely. Another judgmental post about people who are obviously not disabled because they don't look it and dare go to the gym and the park.

I don't look it either. I go swimming and sometimes walk round the park and am very often cheery and smiley. Better stop that and be grumpy, hey?Hmm

Waves to the gorgeous giraffes Smile

ilovemydoggy · 07/06/2015 09:50

I can do everything you mentioned but have a BB the same reason as someone mentioned above Crohn's disease. I wouldn't tell someone I'm not very friendly with that I have this as it's very embarrassing to say I'm normal but hand on sec look my bowel motions go in to a bag rather then me sitting on the toilet. I only use disabled bays if I have to do though and the main reason is I hate people saying things to me like why you parked there? You can walk? There's nothing wrong with her cant be her badge. And it's even worst when I come out of a disabled toilet. Not all disabilities can be seen. Just cause I'm not in a wheelchair.

Sorry for the long post but this kind of thing drives me mad.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 07/06/2015 09:50

Flowers to Hedge and Aermingers and anybody else who falls foul of disgusting reactions like those mentioned.

WayneRooneysHair · 07/06/2015 09:55

I have Cerebral Palsy and I run, go to the gym etc, the insinuation that someone can't be disabled if they can do 'normal' activities is very fucking ignorant.

NRomanoff · 07/06/2015 09:57

FFS my mum doesn't look disabled. but she is, nor would she confide this in a neighbour. Even though she has had the same neighbours for 25 years.

My mum gets shit like this and pisses me off. Although more often than not its from other disabled people who think she can't possibly be disabled. These situations end up in mum being upset and me telling them to sod off.

ApeMan · 07/06/2015 09:57

"If I was 110% sure that the daughter does not have genuine reason for having a BB (eg has one of her own, hidden disability, other family member who needs a BB for whom she does errands) I would report it even think about being pissed off."

There, fixed that for you.

YABVU

NRomanoff · 07/06/2015 09:58

Best tell mum she can't go for a walk on the beach today...just incase people might think she isn't disabled.

Fucking hate shit like this

SurlyCue · 07/06/2015 10:07

Oh the ignorance! Glad you are being re-educated on this thread OP. In the meantime, and for the forseeable, MYOB and let people decide for themselves whether they need a blue badge or not.

Whiskwarrior · 07/06/2015 13:00

Whenever I read threads like this I have this overwhelming hope that someone reading it (even if it's not the OP) might be educated. You have to be optimistic, don't you?

But I'm betting the OP will come back, having read all these sad responses, and simply say 'you're all bitches and you're wrong because...drip, drip, drip'

I've said this on other threads before. I used to be quite ignorant and uninformed about things and would silently judge away. But I've had children, worked in education (adult and primary) and learned about how and why people live their lives differently to me. I've developed empathy for others and I would hate to live my life now consumed by bitterness and envy of other people. What a sad existence that must be.

Empathy, OP. Try it sometime.

chickenfuckingpox · 07/06/2015 13:06

you could report and if she is entitled they will do absolutely nothing explain you are not sure if you want to but they really dont care about your justification

if she is using it fraudulently they should know