not wanting to lend sister money!!

[waitaminutenow]

AIBU to not want to lend my sister money. (5k)!! I have never loaned her money before (she has never asked) I just don't see how she will pay me back. And I have a sneaky suspicion she only asked because she saw my bank statements when she was helping me look for a document. She is getting quite insistent that I should as that's what sisters do. (Her words!) I'm a sahm, my hubby has a great wage (over cb threshold) her df is a waate of space (that worries me too) . I haven't mentioned it to my hubby...I don't know what his opinion would be and I don't want her to think im basing my decision on what he says (because I don't need permission....its my money after all) WWYD!!!???

Well your Mum can help her then can't she...

Used to wind me up that we got comments about our bank account balance because we went without holidays/flash car/new clothes/smoking/drinking - they couldn't see that we chose to spend our money on different priorities to them. They were spenders, we are savers.

You did well. My BIL asked my DH to lend him 10k to tay taxes some years ago. Two months later he has a new BMW motorbike. After a year, my DH asked for the money back, and BIL's response was "why? Do you need it? You can't put food on the table if I don't give it back?". Even MIL stepped in, stating BIL had a tough life (he certainly hasn't) .

To cut a long story short, the money never came back. You did well.

I would really urge you not to lend her the money.

My mother was in hospital and we decided to decorate her bedroom ready for her return home. I asked my cousin ,who we were close to and is really good at interior design to choose a duvet cover, curtains and a few nik naks. Which she did and the room was lovely. I was not sure how much the stuff would cost so I just gave her my mum's bank card and pin. I suspect she looked at the balance, as the next week she asked my mum for £1500 to buy a 2nd car.

My mum agreed without hesitation. Then a couple of weeks later she asked for £300 for tyres for the other car to pass its MOT. mum, again agreed.

The months went by and my cousin did not pay her anything back. In the meantime she went on 2 foreign holidays.

My mum was annoyed but trusted that my cousin would pay her back and said nothing.

So roll on another couple of months and cousin comes to mum -she has not being paying her mortgage and needs 2 grand or she will loose her house.

My mum went mad and said some nasty things about why was she having exotic holidays if she was not paying her mortgage. Mum was fuming but still lent her another £2000.

Cousin has not spoke to my mother since. When I asked her why she said mum was horrible and belittling to her about the holiday/mortgage situation. Said mum was really judgmental.Fucking hell who would not be judgmental about someone fleecing them and putting them in an no win situation about their house Mum had no choice but to lend.

That's s what you get for lending money to family. Don.t do it.

Well done OP, and now stick to it.

And remember, to buy time, you can always pretend to have moved the money to a longer term withdrawal account... 30/60/90 days, etc.

I would say never lend money to friends and family although my only experience of this is lending £20k to my parents when they were buying a holiday home. Of course, it came straight back in full at the time they said it would!

Your Mum getting involved is beyond the pale. It is none of her business, and completely wrong for her to put pressure on you.

Glad you spoke to DH about it. TBH, if it was me, I would be rethinking the buying of shoes, clothes, groceries. Your sister clearly thinks you are a cash cow.

No, no, no, no!

Really don't OP!

You won't get it back and you'll fall out and it will all be terrible. One of my best friends at college was awful with money but a lovely person - funny, generous, kind - she got into debt and I helped her out. She promised faithfully to pay me back and never did, which ruined a perfectly good friendship.

Stay strong and keep saying no. It's your kid's college fund or whatever ...

I just gave (my cousin) my mum's bank card and pin.

So if your cousin had just emptied the account and walked off with the cash, what would you have done? You shouldn't have your mother's PIN (if you need a power of attorney, get one) and even given that, giving it to yet another third party is compounding the problem.

You really do need to stop helping her.
You are demonstrating to her time and time again that your money is her money. She does not see it as a favour but as her right.
If you carry on, You are carrying on showing her this.

And you need to tell your mum she isfree to give your sister 5000 if she wants to

Really do stop feeling on the back foot here! It's hard when you're used to being manipulated, guilt tripped and made to feel the bad guy by family members, but what you should be saying to her is this:

"When I bought loads of stuff for your kids and gave you money before, I thought I was helping you out. You obviously thought I was being a sucker that you could hit up for more cash forever. Now you want to take my savings. You've really, really hurt me."

Just keep telling yourself, you're not the bad guy here. You don't owe her carpets or groceries. You don't need to feel guilty or justify yourself just because that money is for treats and a little extra security, and not for vital medical expenses.

Get off the back foot. Don't justify yourself, don't explain what the money is for - how rude is she to ask? Don't say 'I'm sorry but...'

She has been totally rude, mean and cruel to you to put you in this position and try to manipulate you put of having any security or nice things for yourself, just so she can have them. What a bitch.