not wanting to lend sister money!!

[waitaminutenow]

AIBU to not want to lend my sister money. (5k)!! I have never loaned her money before (she has never asked) I just don't see how she will pay me back. And I have a sneaky suspicion she only asked because she saw my bank statements when she was helping me look for a document. She is getting quite insistent that I should as that's what sisters do. (Her words!) I'm a sahm, my hubby has a great wage (over cb threshold) her df is a waate of space (that worries me too) . I haven't mentioned it to my hubby...I don't know what his opinion would be and I don't want her to think im basing my decision on what he says (because I don't need permission....its my money after all) WWYD!!!???

[waitaminutenow]

It's not all of my savings...we have joint savings and investments. It's just sitting in my isa. It's my rainy day/I feel like treating myself money. Which I saved most of before I gave up work. I wish so bad she hadn't seen it. :( I'm not buying her carpets because hers are actually fine!! I kniw she really wants a family holiday. I offered to lend her for this and asked her to sign a payment agreement...which she declined to do declaing I was obnoxious for even asking. 5k is a hell of a lot....she just thinks as I'm not spending it that I don't need it. And as a PP stated im sure her hubby is whispering in her ear. I lent her money for groceries last week (tax credits didn't go in) and I said don't worry. It was the day after she asked about the loan...:(

I'm just going to be straight up with her although I know it will lead to family issues (think that's what's worrying me more)

[expatinscotland]

'She actually does have horrendous credit (again not comforting) a lot due to her oh!!'

She goes along with it, so it's due to her, too.

[expatinscotland]

You didn't lend her money for groceries, you gave it to her.

STOP feeling so guilty. She wants to piss it up a wall.

If it leads to family problems it's their fault. It totally rips the piss to expect a sister to hand over money because you saw they had it.

My sister has loads more than I ever will. She works her arse off. I cannot imagine 'laying it on thick' to get my paws on her cash just to piss up a wall.

[spidermanswoman]

Don't do it.

She's got debt, she's useless with money and she will probably spend it on a holiday or buying things she doesn't need.

I think she's got a cheek and is acting very entitled!

[ImperialBlether]

Just get your husband to say no! Surely she wouldn't expect him to just give her money, would she?

[waitaminutenow]

Imperialblether....she knows its my money technically. She would just tell him that I'm sure. She's hard to deal with. My whole family walks on eggshells with her. It's all 'poor jess'...etc etc. My mum just text saying that I need to chat to her....here we go!!!!

[AlwaysAFool]

Dont give her money and if she isnt happy with you for it then so be it.
Just dont discuss it with family and after you have hopefully said a firm no don't engage any further on the matter with her.

She sounds very entitled and hard work, I wouldn't dream of asking anyone for that amount of money just to spend it on non essentials.

It is your money that you worked and saved hard for, for you to spend as you wish, not to be guilted to giving it to your sister.

[CQ]

Don't just give her the money. If she really needs something that would help her and her children, if she has any, then pay for that directly.

I paid for my sister's bathroom to be re-done and for her loft to be boarded and ladder fitted so it was usable. I paid the builder directly, she pays me back in instalments as and when she can.

When I was a penniless student she would send me food parcels, now it's my turn to look after her when I can.

But I know every family dynamic is quite different.

[Sallyingforth]

If she can't pay her present debts, there is no way she can pay your 'loan'
Just NO.

[jacks11]

YANBU.
You certainly don't have to lend money to your sibling. She is trying it on and being very unfair. Sounds like she and her husband have got themselves into a financial mess and want you to finance some treats.

I got burned once with this- my DB and SIL are terrible with money, poor credit Hx and were on low wages (SIL now unemployed). They borrowed money, supposedly to cover short-term financial crisis- I am still waiting for them to repay a single penny several years on.

My advice would be not to lend money to your sister. It will just be a source of conflict and it sounds like they are unlikely to pay it back.

In general, I think you shouldn't lend money to friends/family that you can't afford to lose.

[Kennington]

If it was for something to get her out of a problem then I would give the money but not loan it.

For anything else I would keep it for my child's future. Either rent, uni or if they got sick and unable to work.

You're not always feel rich.

[MangoBiscuit]

Hell no. I've lent money to my DSis before, but she didn't ask, she really did need it, she paid it all back asap, and was very grateful. It also wasn't that much money!

Bollocks to her "that's what sisters do" Sisters do NOT beg money off each, or try to guilt trip each other. Cheeky fecking mare.

[LIZS]

You would lose money by loaning it to her and taking it out of the ISA , even if she ever paid you back. You believe she will spend it frivolously not on addressing the debt etc. Unless you can afford to give it away and stand by with no comment or resentment , don't do it.

[CiderwithBuda]

Don't do it. It's none of her business who much you have and why. Yes into a shame she knows but tough! You earned it and saved it and have it because you don't fritter money away buying new carpets when your carpets are perfectly fine.

I'm now not speaking to a sister because I lent her money! They needed more, we offered but with a legal agreement and small amount of interest. They were insulted at our offer and there is now a huge rift. We are the bad guys.

You will be the bad guy for refusing but even if you do 'lend' you will then be the bad guy for expecting it to be actually paid back.

She doesn't want a loan. She wants you to give her 5k.

[WeAreEternal]

I would give my siblings any amount the asked for with little or no explanation needed, but that's just my family.

In your situation I would definitely not be giving her anything, it's not going to be a loan, you already know that.
If it is going to cause issues I would be tempted to lie and say that the money is actually for something, that you are saving up for something important (a medical procedure that they won't do on the NHS, for instance) so you really don't have the money to 'lend'.

[Lunastarfish]

As everyone else said, don't lend her money and especially not £5k which is a huge sum. Over the years I have lent the odd £10/£20 to my siblings & parents - I've never seen that money again.I lent my dad £600 last year, ive received £300 of it back. In the meantime they've redecorated the entire house. I'm now pregnant and on maternity allowace. they keep asking what they should buy the baby. We've been lucky and been given a lot of stuff so don't really need anything, I'd just like the £300 back as i like to have a bit of a cushion in my bank account but it's very awkward saying that.

Just remind her that it is YOUR money that YOU have saved. You don't have to lend it and don't be guilt tripped into it. That's what happened to me. I just get the 'but your a solicitor, you can afford it' - my family forget about the shitload of debt I got into (& still have) in order to qualify.

[waitaminutenow]

I don't talk finances with my family...but she would. I help her out lots really tbh. I buy her kids a lot of essetials (drives my hubby crazy...he doesn't like the idea of supporting her kids when we have our own!) She is very entitled..lol...she was stating the other day how the government should give a 'summer food allowance' for parents who's children get free school meals. I despair....I love her all the same....but my god does she complain. All I'm hearing at the moment is how she has to call hmrc all the time about tax credits and its a waste of her time. Seriously!!!!....ok now im just on a major vent!! Sorry!!

[DancingDinosaur]

Its your money not hers. You earnt it, you saved it, its for you and your children not her carpets.

[Coffeethrowtrampbitch]

Please don't do it.

I have always lent my middle sister money over the years, as has my eldest sister.

Eldest sister refused middle sister about two years ago, and she hasn't asked again.

She asks me usually once a month, even though I'm a sahm with 3 kids, an illness which means I am unlikely to be able to work for a while, and she hates my dh, the person whose wages she is borrowing!

I recently found out that she gets drunk and bitches about me 'sitting up there with loads of money' which I never give her. Even though I lend to her, her dc, and am taking her grandchild on a caravan holiday with my own children. She doesn't say anything bad about my eldest sister, who has more money than me and doesn't lend her anything.

If you lend her money, she'll spend it on crap and then ask you for more. Then she will kick off if you refuse. She's never going to stop comparing you and assuming she is entitled to anything you have, unless you say no.

[GatoradeMeBitch]

From what you say, I doubt most of it is down to just her OH. If she thinks that any available money should be spent and not saved, she has terrible financial sense, and you would NEVER get that money back!

[waitaminutenow]

I'm going to tell her no this evening....I've asked her to pop round. Thank you. I've had a good rant (and cry). The outcome will probably be awful....but that's family for ya...I'll keep you all posted....lol..thank you.

[FenellaFellorick]

I think it's best to say no to lending money that you cannot be 100% sure you will get back.

Can you afford / are you willing to write off £5,000? If not, don't lend it.

If she is in debt and struggling - how does she think she will pay you back? A fiver a week for 19 years?

Perhaps it is time you stop subbing her altogether. Sounds like she has come to think that it is her right to have as much of your money as she wants. It would probably be a good idea for her to remember that it is not her money and she has no right to it.

She's getting angry with you because you won't give her your money. That is utterly bizarre of her.

[SuckMySquallop]

Tell her to feck off.

Say its your hubbies money and that if she wants it, she can ask him. Throw the ball back in her court if she is that desperate (and I cant see how she is).

Otherwise, NO is a complete sentence. She has her own bed to lie in and shouldnt resort to using yours when you KNOW she has NO way of EVER repaying you.

(Personally I'd still tell her to go and get fucked....)

[sonjadog]

If you give it to her, it will not be a loan. You will have given her a gift of your savings. You don't want to do that. If you do give her the money, it will cause endless resentment for years to come.

Just say no. If you can't bring yourself to say that, say that the money has already been invested in bonds and is no longer available. And then tidy your paperwork away in future.

[SpecificOcean]

If one of my siblings really needed it, I would gift a certain amount (not £5k btw).
But using emotional blackmail to insist on money for carpets, a holiday and stuff? No chance.
You never know how things might change in the future and you may need the money yourselves.