to not take dd to party due to racism

[irishmummy22]

Hiya. I've been a lurker for ages. After todays incident I decided to join up to ask your opinion. A mum from my Dd`s school rang me this morning.

My DD is invited to her DD`s bday next week. She said, theres an issue with one of the kids previously invited. The mum had found out that the girl was a member of the travelling community. She was horrified.

She told me that she was telling the girls mum that she wasn't invited anymore because smelly knackers have no place in a clean house.

I was disgusted and told her well, in that case, my dd wont be attending the party because I don't like her attitude. My dh thinks I should have just left it and not said dd wouldn't be going. But im not the kind of person that keeps my mouth shut when I know someone is terribly wrong.

The kids are all 4. Dd isn't terribly fussed about the party tbh. In my opinion life is to short to waste it with people with old fashioned opinions like that.

So, AIBU

That really happened?

I can't imagine anyone will say you're being unreasonable

Welcome to Mumsnet

Yes, it honestly happened. Dh has me doubting myself

Yanbu. Glad you had the confidence to explain your reasons why you would be boycotting the party. I would only hope the other parents agree with you - although I do feel sad for the little birthday girl. What a horrible ignorant woman.

I have never heard the expression 'smelly knackers' and I am amazed the mum actually said that expression to you and was going to tell the traveller mum the samething.

She might regret that.

Well done on your impeccable principles.

Good for you.
Not only is the woman racist, she's calling round making trouble too.

"I am amazed the mum actually said that expression to you and was going to tell the traveller mum the samething.

She might regret that."

What is 'smelly knackers'?

And, yanbu

'Knackers' is an old fashioned word for gypsies.

I seriously doubt she's going to call the woman and her child smelly knackers.

YANBU and welcome to Mumsnet OP.

YANBU. Well done for standing up to her.

Where IM from, (Dublin) knacker is a racist term for a traveller.

OP what did she say when you said your D wasn't going?

Welcome by the way! I'm quite new too.

She was quite shocked. It knocked her for six. She muttered something about having to ring the soft play centre and hung up

Poor kid, YANBU

YANBU.

Gosh, I've never come across anyone like this. I must lead a very dull life compared to some on here.

irish well done for sticking to you're principles and not avoiding confrontation for an easy life. Your daughter and the little girl who has been ostracised need to have a little party themselves and the same afternoon-with no prejudiced snobs!

yanbu I had a run in with a child's grandmother last year, although her language was less offensive.

I don't understand why it's not ok to be racist unless the victims are Gypsies.

I have unfortunately, but I'm Romany. I'm housed though so I'm not 'out' with everyone. The irony is that our 'smelly' homes are actually very clean. There's many cleanliness rules that non-gypsies don't have so it's interesting that both groups often think of the other as dirty.
I don't think this by the way as I'm between both cultures if that makes sense

Nabuma, believe it or not, I literally just rang the traveller mum and asked her and her dd round for tea. She told me that the party girls mum had phoned her. She was in bits about being verbally abused.

Im from Ireland as well and unfortunately have heard that word used a lot over the years. Ive never heard it quite as openly and fair play to you for standing up for your principals. Welcome as well. Only joined myself couple weeks ago :)

OMG that's awful!
Well done you for telling her. What a horrible woman!

I'd be far more concerned about my child mixing with racist bigots than a child from the travelling community. YANBU