to not take dd to party due to racism

[irishmummy22]

Hiya. I've been a lurker for ages. After todays incident I decided to join up to ask your opinion. A mum from my Dd`s school rang me this morning.

My DD is invited to her DD`s bday next week. She said, theres an issue with one of the kids previously invited. The mum had found out that the girl was a member of the travelling community. She was horrified.

She told me that she was telling the girls mum that she wasn't invited anymore because smelly knackers have no place in a clean house.

I was disgusted and told her well, in that case, my dd wont be attending the party because I don't like her attitude. My dh thinks I should have just left it and not said dd wouldn't be going. But im not the kind of person that keeps my mouth shut when I know someone is terribly wrong.

The kids are all 4. Dd isn't terribly fussed about the party tbh. In my opinion life is to short to waste it with people with old fashioned opinions like that.

So, AIBU

Fair play! I'm Irish too and I really admire you taking a stand like that. Exactly what I would have done, though to be honest I think attitudes towards travellers in Ireland are getting worse rather than better.

What! So she still phoned the traveller mum and said this to her??

Did this actually happen? Only asking because I have never actually come across anything like this in my clearly sheltered life.

Wow this really happened.

CrapBag for all this guff about Ireland being the land of a hundred thousand welcomes I am embarrassed to admit that there is a really dreadful level of racism here too.

CrapBag, I wish it hadn't happened. But it did.

Crikey! good on you, you are defo in the right :)

YADNBU. You did the right thing refusing the party and inviting the other girl and her mum round. I bet you and your DD have a better time with them.

Delighted you invited the little girl and her mum over. I am sure there are others who would join in if they knew what happened. It's a shame the first mother actually thinks she has right on her side.

Do people really think that there aren't openly racist people who think nothing of being racist to people they don't even know? A few years ago a man I had only met once described a black child to me as 'a chocolate drop, you know, a darkie, a nignog, a sambo, a wog'
People can be racist and either so thick or so belligerent that they are happy to be openly racist around anyone.

irish I bet she was. But I'm sure you ringing her up really helped and you'll have a great time together.

Do you think Racistwoman will end up with an empty party or do you think most other mum's will be too worried about rocking the boat? Surely the majority would be disgusted by her behaviour?

This woman sounds awful but I don't really see why a (ok - huge) difference of opinion should prevent your dd attending her dd's party.

No I dont think the majority defend Gypsies ime

JustHavinABreak I have no clue about the situation in Ireland but I reckon nasty prejudices are bought to the fore when there are "hard times" economically etc. I've noticed an increase in racism over here (UK)esp. after all the media/government propaganda. Sad times really.

I think your DH should actually be proud of you for pulling her up on her disgusting behaviour.

I'm from Irish travellers and I have to say, that I've experienced lots of racist attitudes in my life but the place I've experienced it most is in Ireland and like a PP said, it seems to be getting worse.

It's extremely refreshing to hear of somebody pulling others up on their prejudice views of travellers and I'm really glad there are people like you around

SeenSheen it's more than just a difference of opinion. The woman is a racist bigot with a big mouth and very little tact. Her own child is in the awful position of having to grow up listening to that verbal diarrhea thus normalising it and perpetuating it for another generation. If the OP has a chance to protect her daughter from that, then she will of course do so. Wouldn't you?

Yes Nabuma you're exactly right. Since the property crash here and the subsequent recession it has definitely been worse.

Thanks for the replies. I've had 7 mums of the ten kids going, on the phone to me, telling me there not attending the party.

The other 3 Mums going are the bday girls aunties btw

Well done you! You should be really proud of yourself for standing up for what you believe in x

What a bum hole! YANBU.

I mis-read it and thought it was "smelly knickers" and was just thinking "well mine are quite whiffy..." before I read the thread and clocked my mistake.

BIG congrats to you, OP. I hate bigotry in all it's forms. I've worked with people from that community, and they've all been great (albeit in their own terms, which are often quite unconventional, but have ALL be scrupulous with regards to cleanliness - far higher standards than I've got!).

I have no Irish blood at all, but I absolutely think you've done the right thing and should be proud of yourself for standing up to prejudice. Well done!

Does this mother realise she is actually breaking the law here.
She is a nasty racist bully. And IMO should be reported. I'd have no qualms. How dare she isolate an innocent child. Surely children from other cultures are excellent for children as will learn and experience each other's cultures. God I am so angry.
I guarantee you op. Not a single person will say yabu.

Oh and also my dd would not be attending a party where there were prejudiced people, either.
What a bad example she is setting to her dd.