if you can't afford the children you have you shouldn't have more?

[Lady1nred]

was speaking to a couple I know today, both out of work and living on benifits. They have 3 children and they are very vocal about how awful it is that they barely get enough money to survive. It turn out that she is now pregnant with their 4th child! This was planned and they are delighted?! They use food banks and thir children have every gadget and toy known to man!

When I asked how on earth they will manage with another child she blatantly said the money they recieve will go up and that it is her right to have as many children as she likes?!!

I have 2DC, I would love a 3rd but we would struggle finNcislly so have made the decision not to. I believe benifits should be capped at 2 children, she obviously doesn't agree! If she can't afford to pay for the children she has why should I go without yet pay for hers through my taxes? AIBU?

[CatherineU]

Can I just say i know of someone who brags about being on benefits, my brother and his skanky girlfriend hence why i try and avoid seeing them now. Basically she has four kids to my brother, she lives in a four bed council house (that is gorgeous, modern etc) she doesn't work but my brother is self employed as an electrician (on good money) She made my brother move into her brothers house up tells road in order to claim more money ie income support council tax/housing benefit/tax credits you name it. She has very openly on more than one occasion admitted this and that they plan to have at least one more child, so it does happen.

[expatinscotland]

'How many holidays a year do they have and do they laugh at you when you come home from work telling you that you are a mug?'

We've already had gadgets. We need to know more! Takeaways, hair and nail apppointments, cars, Sky telly, cigarettes, alcohol and bingo.

[The5DayChicken]

Nobody's saying it doesn't happen. But how do you all suggest we stop it without affecting huge numbers of people who are currently on benefits and are not like that?

[Figster]

Yes it's not the children's fault and society will prop them up to allow them to live their socially irresponsible lives but why the hell should we subsidise the life choices of the feckless which the 2 in the op clearly are!!

Food banks to survive and they plan to get pregnant to get more from the state without a care for the impact on their current and future children they should be ashamed!!

[Topseyt]

I want a goat and some popcorn.

Perhaps a goat would keep the back garden mowed.

[The5DayChicken]

Because the children who will be affected didn't make those life choices.

[looknow]

FFS! It's benefits not benifits

[missymayhemsmum]

I have 3 children, 2 grown up, one smallish. At the time each of them was conceived, having a baby was a bad idea financially (useless partner, no money, insecure employment etc etc). But I'm really glad I have them and for almost all of my adult life I have worked and paid taxes. As will they. You have to take the long view.

OP, if you really want another baby, have another baby, (your financial struggle will not be so much worse that you will regret it, surely? ) or don't blame your neighbour because you have decided that financial security is more important to you. She has different priorities, obviously. By the way, you don't know where the gadgets came from. Could be debt, could be grandma, could be that's how they choose to spend their cash.

[PtolemysNeedle]

Obviously, YANBU to think that people who do this are totally wrong. But this being mum sent you will get plenty of people arguing that black is white and trying to justify this selfish type of behaviour.

People who are are unemployed or who already have to claim benefits who choose to have children are immoral IMO, and the sooner we limit benefits to two children the better.

[Viviennemary]

[prorsum]

Immoral? How so?

[gamerchick]

I want to know what benefits the OP gets me.

[PattiODoors]

And tax wheezes for very rich people - immoral too, yes?

[donemekmelarf]

Anyway, it's been an eye opener guys, thanks shock I'd better take my twatty ass off and have some dinner ... and pick up all the popcorn that been flung at my goat or whatever

Lady1Red, Well done for not taking the bait!
Have a nice evening!

oh dear all that popcorn going to waste

[The5DayChicken]

Obviously not Patti. Because they're rich and deserve no scorn.

[kesstrel]

OP, if you read through the posts, you'll see that a lot of them fit the classic behaviour you see in a clique of 12 year old bullies: name-calling, in-jokes they won't explain, saying you're lying or making things up, twisting and distorting what you have said in order to mock it - we've all seen this sort of thing happen on the playground, or sometimes experienced it ourselves. The thing is, we tend to believe that childish bullies grow out of it, and sometimes they do, but in other cases they just get better at hiding it, except in situations where they are anonymous. Over time, a lot of chat boards deteriorate in this way, sadly.

[OTheHugeManatee]

YANBU OP, though it's not a popular view on MN.

[ouryve]

I'm not having more children because it wouldn't make financial sense, we don't earn enough. If I knew my wage would go up if I had another then hell yeah, lock the door and bring it on!

Child benefit and tax credits would go up, though. For working people with children.

[The5DayChicken]

kesstrel, it gets like this because people don't offer up viable solutions that target only those who are taking the piss out of the system. The solutions offered penalise masses of people who don't deserve it, with those who do being pretty much collateral damage. And there's only so many ways that people can say "though it's not ideal, I accept that pisstakers will milk a system set up to protect the vulnerable, but would still rather the vulnerable were protected." So yes, people get exasperated and many take the piss.

[MistressMerryWeather]

I think it's much more childish to suggest that anything on this thread could be described as bullying.

[BettyCatKitten]

Here here Mrs D!

[Metalguru]

Well said Kesstrel

[SoleSource]

I am a single Mom of a severely disabled child. I didn't get pregnant again because I felt too guilty living on benefits! Am I wrong?