if you can't afford the children you have you shouldn't have more?

[Lady1nred]

was speaking to a couple I know today, both out of work and living on benifits. They have 3 children and they are very vocal about how awful it is that they barely get enough money to survive. It turn out that she is now pregnant with their 4th child! This was planned and they are delighted?! They use food banks and thir children have every gadget and toy known to man!

When I asked how on earth they will manage with another child she blatantly said the money they recieve will go up and that it is her right to have as many children as she likes?!!

I have 2DC, I would love a 3rd but we would struggle finNcislly so have made the decision not to. I believe benifits should be capped at 2 children, she obviously doesn't agree! If she can't afford to pay for the children she has why should I go without yet pay for hers through my taxes? AIBU?

I know someone with 6 kids who hasn't worked all her life because whenever she has to, she has another state funded child with another waste of space boyfriend. Why is it so unbelievably difficult for some people to grasp that people do this? I feel so sorry for her children, it must be an utterly crap life for them. Why are we all so keen to defend feckless, workshy adults who put children through this?

Sole I don't understand your question; you made a choice, through guilt about being in receipt of benefits, not to have another child. Did the issue of having a severely disabled child whilst being a single parent not impact on your decision also?

I really don't think there's an abundance of people on this thread claiming that this type of thing doesn't happen.

Yes it did prorsum. I also felt that I'd be setting a bad example. My Mother taught me this from an early age. Single Mothers on benefits through choice = bad.

I don't mean divorce.

Flamingo I know someone who is on their eighth! Three fathers. She's never worked and doubt ever will, she lives in abject poverty. I think it's insane but the children are here and need to be clothed and fed. People like her will always exist; castigate her all you like but remember the children did not ask for the life she gave them.

Chicken I have read the thread in its entirety- the OP has been repeatedly accused of is making up her post and her anecdote.

^^ sorry for daft typos :)

I can't see anyone defending anything of the sort.

The fact is that these type of threads always seem to be full of inconsistencies on how things actually work, and it's always worth pointing them out.

People doubting this particular OP doesn't mean they're rejecting that it happens at all.

To be honest that is why I agree with food/ supermarket vouchers and limited access to money/ rent money. Every weekend the lady I know is drinking in town- on presumably benefit money meant for her children. Supermarket vouchers would at least mean her children; who have never asked for this life- I agree; would have more chance of being full and having new clothes etc. People who are irresponsible enough to keep having children without the means to support them should not be given the responsibility of the money meant for the children.

op why does it matter to you. as long as your doing whats right for you and your family.

theses threads just cause bad feeling

Mrs D it wasn't the op who mentioned bullies. The poster who did mention it didn't have an issue with the posters who had challenged the views of the op. She referenced bullying in response to the name calling, "in jokes" that lots of people have asked for some explanation of, ridiculing the phrases she uses to apologise, and accusations of lying.

If people really do feel this subject has been done to death, why open it and comment? Op didn't exactly disguise what the thread was about.

There is something very Scarlet Letterish about your suggestion though. Should the cashier or person standing behind benefit claimant in the queue at supermarket know they are receipt of benefits? Shaming people generally does not help.

Benefit bashing really should have it's own topic

Yabu unreasonable for " my bad" alone!

Not everyone shops in supermarkets Flamingo.

In any case, why should everyone who receives benefits be penalised because of the tiny minority who misuse theirs?

I am 100% in agreement with your op. Goes without saying that shit we don't forsee happens and may need to rely on benefits for a time, but to actually PLAN that? I don't care if the subject's been done to death, In your position op I would be just as outraged as you.

gosh for a 'new' poster you do have some very familiar traits

and there is no need to swear at people - tut tut !

I despise people who pretend to be new in order to cause a row :)

Resorting to personal attacks is generally a sign of not being on solid arguing grounds OP.

YANBU OP - but God knows what the answer is. I feel sorry for the kids born to these selfish irresponsible twats.

(FYI I am one of five and we were desperatly poor. Cardboard inside shoes cos soles had worn through and not enough money to buy new or repair. Coats on beds in winter as not enough bedclothes. My Father refused to use condoms. Twat.)

i dont think benefits should be capped at 2 children...if someone already had 4 children which 2 dont they feed. maybe take it in turns?