So fucking upset

[Noonegivesashit]

I've just told my DP its over. I'm packing my stuff and my DD's and we're going to stay at my mums.

He's never going to change, he's a selfish, arrogant, sexist pig who just wants a little woman who will say yes to everything, pander to his every whim and slave around him.

I'm sick of his family, dictating what I should and should not be doing, the sly digs, the nastiness, the fact that we live so close. I'm sick of the fact that I'm expected to drop everything to help him out but if I never get any help myself. I'm meant to be having a new fridge freezer delivered today (I've paid for it) and it's coming between 12-6pm but they will ring at least an hour before its dropped off so ideally I needed to be in the house from 11am until it arrives. I wanted to get the kitchen completely blitzed this morning and the old fridge moved so that we could get the new one in. DP comes in at 10 "can you do me two slices of toast a drink of juice and then we will go and do such an such," I was right in the middle of cleaning the cooker and asked if he could get his own toast and his own drink, he just ignored me and sat outside. Got his toast and drink and explained that I needed to get the kitchen cleaned and the fridge moved ready for when the new one arrives and that I wasn't going to go and help him because I didn't have time.

He stormed out of the house in a huff and went to go and do what ever it was he needed a hand with, I stupidly drove after him to go and help him and he's just said "that kitchen could have been cleaned three fucking days ago and you know it could, you spent all fucking day yesterday cleaning upstairs when you should've been doing the fucking kitchen and the living room that every one sees and walks past, get your fucking act together, it's an embarrassment." Do I really need to be spoken to like this??

I do everything for him, I hardly get anything done with DD (22 months) for obvious reasons and all he does is lounge about and expect me to do everything for him!

I think I would contact the bairns mother and explain and ask her to check up on her. It's not the bairns fault and if he falls to bits she shouldn't have to suffer for it.

That says a lot Op. Clearer your only value seems to have been as cool and cleaner. Even DSD sees/saw your primary role as some sort of maid.

You are worth more than this. Glad you saw that and left.

What an inspiration you are! Well done, that spark is def still there, let it shine and continue to be a great role model for your daughter and prob his daughter too

I'm so pleased that you have left him, it's not going to be an easy road ahead but you sound determined - go and get your hair cut and get your spark back - you and your daughter deserve it!

DSD's mum and I don't exactly see eye to eye. Her DM has her all week and she would come to us Friday night through to Sunday night every weekend so "D"P doesn't have primary care of her which is a good thing.

I however, am understandably very reluctant about DD going there for overnight stays etc. it is so glaringly obvious that he can't look after himself let alone a child too or even the possibility of two children. The last thing I want to do is deny her access to her dad but I just can't trust him to care for her adequately. He would never remember to brush her teeth, give her a bath etc. He used to regularly put DSD to bed in her clothes in stead of pyjamas when I was working night shifts (before DD was born).

I guess I'll have to cross that bridge when I come to it.

OP keep going forward don't look back there is a better life out there for you and your DD. I have been in relationship where I was seen as having little value and I lost myself. Getting out and moving on was the best thing I ever did.

annie you are so right there. I've just been thinking today about how much I've put things off since I've been with him.

I didn't buy them clothes for myself because I would never have had the opportunity to go out and wear them, I always put off having a hair cut and wearing makeup because I didn't want the "who are you trying to impress." Erm my fucking self arse hole.

I have undervalued my worth time and time agin because I was never made to feel as though I had any worth, but walking into that house yesterday and seeing how everything was falling apart after only a couple of days has made me realise how much I actually did.

Love the last two paragraphs you just wrote, and glad you are finding some anger and energy to be kind to yourself and value yourself and know you're doing the right thing, well done.

I would suggest that access is daytime only and away from his home for the time being.

w.t.f. YANBU!!!!!

I however, am understandably very reluctant about DD going there for overnight stays etc. it is so glaringly obvious that he can't look after himself let alone a child too or even the possibility of two children.

Next time you are there, take some photos of the shit pit. You never know when they might come in handy...

Although I doubt he'll actually want overnights once he comes up against the long-term reality of having to actually do some childcare and parenting, week after week after week. Which will probably work out ok for you. Move on. He'll never be the father you want for your child. Don't ever go back.

'Are you coming to cook some dinner and tidy up?' says the five year old observer of the household routine... Says it all really.

Sounds like DSD is being neglected now you're not there. She is only 5, she shouldn't be on her own with him. If I was her mum I'd want to know. No way would I leave a child in his care
Well done, for remaining strong, he sounds utterly useless.

If thatnwas my five year old id want to know x

Poor DSD. That's very telling and sad what she said when she saw you.

What a waste of space he is! I can't believe he is in the same clothes. I wouldn't send my child there to stay. Maybe he won't ask to have her for weekends because it means some actual work for him, or maybe it won't and she will just end up neglected like his other DD. Lazy doesn't even begin to describe this manchild.

Whether he wants to have your dd stay or not, I wouldn't allow it. Hevis an unfit parent. I very much doubt he'll take you to court over it - that would involve some effort on his part and he seems far to lazy! Even if he did, you can then make the case that he is incapable of looking after her.

I know you don't get along with dsd mother but I think you owe it to dsd to make her mum aware of what you saw at the house. If this was my child I'd want you to tell me.

I think you are doing brilliantly btw. It's hard to just leave. Well done

I am certainly not reveling in a 5yr old being grubby BUT I am cheering you on OP, I admit that I would have been slightly smug upon that exchange - I really hope your ex partner heard that

OP well done on leaving. It's a difficult thing to do. but you absolutely did the right thing for you and your daughter.

It always pleases me when I see women leaving their shit-for-brains, lazy, selfish arsehole partners. Another one who is now free to live their life! Well done OP.

Well I won't make the same mistake again. What a huge weight off my shoulders, I feel like a new woman!!

I'm so glad you feel good. I'm a mumsnet member who tends to look at both sides of the story and try to put the opposite argument forwardsl But I read yours and it was like 'fuck off, there is no other side to this story'.

Go forwards into life and do brilliant amazing stuff!

Keep going op, this will be the making of you- I can tell!

How are you holding up noone?