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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So fucking upset

122 replies

Noonegivesashit · 04/06/2015 11:12

I've just told my DP its over. I'm packing my stuff and my DD's and we're going to stay at my mums.

He's never going to change, he's a selfish, arrogant, sexist pig who just wants a little woman who will say yes to everything, pander to his every whim and slave around him.

I'm sick of his family, dictating what I should and should not be doing, the sly digs, the nastiness, the fact that we live so close. I'm sick of the fact that I'm expected to drop everything to help him out but if I never get any help myself. I'm meant to be having a new fridge freezer delivered today (I've paid for it) and it's coming between 12-6pm but they will ring at least an hour before its dropped off so ideally I needed to be in the house from 11am until it arrives. I wanted to get the kitchen completely blitzed this morning and the old fridge moved so that we could get the new one in. DP comes in at 10 "can you do me two slices of toast a drink of juice and then we will go and do such an such," I was right in the middle of cleaning the cooker and asked if he could get his own toast and his own drink, he just ignored me and sat outside. Got his toast and drink and explained that I needed to get the kitchen cleaned and the fridge moved ready for when the new one arrives and that I wasn't going to go and help him because I didn't have time.

He stormed out of the house in a huff and went to go and do what ever it was he needed a hand with, I stupidly drove after him to go and help him and he's just said "that kitchen could have been cleaned three fucking days ago and you know it could, you spent all fucking day yesterday cleaning upstairs when you should've been doing the fucking kitchen and the living room that every one sees and walks past, get your fucking act together, it's an embarrassment." Do I really need to be spoken to like this??

I do everything for him, I hardly get anything done with DD (22 months) for obvious reasons and all he does is lounge about and expect me to do everything for him!

OP posts:
skinnyabc · 04/06/2015 18:35

Rooting for you opFlowers

lunar1 · 04/06/2015 18:38

I hope you got to your mums op.

CloverMcL · 04/06/2015 18:54

YANBU to be pissed off with the guy. There is no way that you should allow him to treat you like that. It sounds as though you have tolerated this sort of behavior for far too long.

If you do go back you are going to have to address this head on. When he wanted his toast a simple reply of "fuck you" would reset things, and would have prevented any further unpleasant interaction. Whilst that may be out of character for you, I suggest that it's little more than he deserves.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 04/06/2015 19:02

good luck OP, you are SO doing the right thing for both you and your DD. You do not want her thinking that is a normal and acceptable way for a partner to treat her when she is older, do you?

Well done for making the decision, no looking back!

LindyHemming · 04/06/2015 19:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Yarp · 04/06/2015 19:29

Good on you, OP

Rant on here. It must be horrible to remember the shitty way he has treated you.

Icy calm with him, though. You are in the right

CrystalCove · 04/06/2015 19:31

Are you scared of him? Is that why you still made his toast?

Yarp · 04/06/2015 19:31

What worries me a bit is his verbal aggression - has he ever threatened you, or been physical? Do you feel scared?

Please keep safe.

Call the police if necessary

Yarp · 04/06/2015 19:31

X post

DragonWithAGirlTattoo · 04/06/2015 19:36

well done, stay strong

Betrayedbutsurvived · 04/06/2015 19:41

You go girl, and don't ever, ever look back.

spidermanswoman · 04/06/2015 19:45

Well done! You are worth so much more than this!!

BettyCatKitten · 04/06/2015 19:53

Good for you opFlowers
Make sure you go back and take the new fridgeGrin
You're worth so much more than that twat!

HotFudge87 · 04/06/2015 19:57

Best of luck! You're doing the right thing by the sounds of it. Wish I had balls like you! X

Bellebella · 04/06/2015 20:18

You are doing the right thing, I have just read your other thread and was shocked that you had to take your DD into work with you when she had a cold despite your oh being at home with his other daughter. That's disgusting, and not changing the nappy.

There is being old fashioned and then there is being a sexist shit father.

Good luck

clam · 04/06/2015 20:31

Why on earth did you make him tea and toast?

Sconejamcream · 04/06/2015 20:36

I hope you left the old fridge and took the new one!

LilyKiwi · 06/06/2015 13:09

Please pack his bag and change the locks!

DocHollywood · 06/06/2015 13:21

Well done for making the decision to go. Anyone who talks like that to another human being is not worth wasting another moment on. Go to your mum's and start a better life for you and your dd. And if you get that urge to give it another try just come back here and talk it through again.

NotOneIota · 06/06/2015 14:52

Well done OP,that must have been a tough decision to make,good for you. Don't weaken and go back,it will be harder to leave next time,and I think you know this relationship isn't right. Think what advice you would give your daughter when she's older if she found herself in your position. You would tell her she is worth more than that,wouldn't you? You are worth more than that too. Stay strong.It will get easier,and in time you will wonder why you ever stayed so long.

GymBum · 06/06/2015 15:04

Well done for been strong. You don't want your DD growing thinking how he treats you is acceptable.

Original poster
Noonegivesashit · 06/06/2015 16:18

Thank you all. These last couple of days have been tough. I feel more for DD, she keeps asking after daddy, every time I look at her I want to burst into tears because I feel as though I'm taking her away from her daddy whom she loves so much. I can't carry on like this. I'm worth much more!

I've had the begging texts, phone calls etc, all of which I've ignored.

One of my friends said something very poignant to me today "love is not what you say, love is what you do." Like all of the times I looked after his DD for him, all the times he let her speak to me like crap, buying her clothes, cooking her meals and basically treating her as if she were my own yet he himself couldn't even try and hide his obvious preference for his older daughter.
Very appropriate for me at the moment, that is what's keeping me going - actions speak louder than words but Im finding out the hard way.

OP posts:
cleanmyhouse · 06/06/2015 17:40

Stay strong, you're doing so well.

cleanmyhouse · 06/06/2015 17:43

And that whole thing about taking her away from her Daddy - yes, and you are stopping her from learning that women make toast for men on demand and criticise them for cleaning the wrong room. You are doing the right thing for her and you.

Imustgodowntotheseaagain · 06/06/2015 17:52

Stay strong, OP. Your daughter still has a daddy, just one that has to be his one skivvy now. You're better than that.