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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So fucking upset

122 replies

Noonegivesashit · 04/06/2015 11:12

I've just told my DP its over. I'm packing my stuff and my DD's and we're going to stay at my mums.

He's never going to change, he's a selfish, arrogant, sexist pig who just wants a little woman who will say yes to everything, pander to his every whim and slave around him.

I'm sick of his family, dictating what I should and should not be doing, the sly digs, the nastiness, the fact that we live so close. I'm sick of the fact that I'm expected to drop everything to help him out but if I never get any help myself. I'm meant to be having a new fridge freezer delivered today (I've paid for it) and it's coming between 12-6pm but they will ring at least an hour before its dropped off so ideally I needed to be in the house from 11am until it arrives. I wanted to get the kitchen completely blitzed this morning and the old fridge moved so that we could get the new one in. DP comes in at 10 "can you do me two slices of toast a drink of juice and then we will go and do such an such," I was right in the middle of cleaning the cooker and asked if he could get his own toast and his own drink, he just ignored me and sat outside. Got his toast and drink and explained that I needed to get the kitchen cleaned and the fridge moved ready for when the new one arrives and that I wasn't going to go and help him because I didn't have time.

He stormed out of the house in a huff and went to go and do what ever it was he needed a hand with, I stupidly drove after him to go and help him and he's just said "that kitchen could have been cleaned three fucking days ago and you know it could, you spent all fucking day yesterday cleaning upstairs when you should've been doing the fucking kitchen and the living room that every one sees and walks past, get your fucking act together, it's an embarrassment." Do I really need to be spoken to like this??

I do everything for him, I hardly get anything done with DD (22 months) for obvious reasons and all he does is lounge about and expect me to do everything for him!

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 04/06/2015 11:39

A fridge is a small price to pay to be rid of a man like this. In principle throwing someone out sounds go but OP may not legally be able to do it, the house is too close to his family and once the anger ebbs she may be more tempted to let him back in.

Original poster
Noonegivesashit · 04/06/2015 11:39

I'll be getting all of the stuff I've bought and putting it into storage, there's no way he's keeping it all. He does work yes and no he hasn't ever had to look after DD for any length of time

OP posts:
Friday99 · 04/06/2015 12:19

you sound angry OP

I only hope when the anger fades you still have the strength to go through with this.

formerbabe · 04/06/2015 12:21

Sounds like your life will be much easier without him!

Fauxlivia · 04/06/2015 12:24

whose name is the house in?

make sure you take everything you value - paperwork, jewellery, photos, your baby's favourite toys. Don't assume you'll be able to get back in the house later.

I think you are doing the right thing. He sounds utterly foul.

Sallyingforth · 04/06/2015 12:27

Why on earth are you leaving? He's the one who should be on the street.

AnyoneForTennis · 04/06/2015 12:27

Good grief! You are doing the right thing!

HermioneWeasley · 04/06/2015 12:29

It's brilliant that you are angry and have made this decision, but just pause and make sure you are playing the long game here. As other posters have said, why are you moving out? Whose name is the house is in? Are there assets he can hide/spend?

Tequilashotfor1 · 04/06/2015 12:34

What a prick!
Write everything down now so you can read back on it when you start calming down or he begs you to stay - as he will.

I wrote a diary about how I was feeling, what ex was doing and how he behaved and it really helped me to stay steady and not go back.

You shouldn't have gone and made him the toast or drove after him but I'm sure you know that. That's him destroying yourself esteem and you doubting yourself.

Stand firm. You and your dc honestly do deserve better. Don't be a door mat Flowers

NerrSnerr · 04/06/2015 12:35

Whose name is the house in?

Original poster
Noonegivesashit · 04/06/2015 14:39

It's his mum's house and to be honest, I can't quite stick her wither so I in ink it will be best for everybody if I go.

OP posts:
ClarkeyCat · 04/06/2015 14:56

Good for you OP, go get your life back!
BUT! Like pp said, before you go get copies of all the financial stuff, jewellery etc... everything you will need later, get it now.

dontrunwithscissors · 04/06/2015 15:34

Leave and don't look back. If not for yourself, then for your DD.

Irishlassie · 04/06/2015 15:42

If the fridge has not been delivered yet phone them straight away and either cancel it or get it delivered to your mums house. Hope you have gone by now.

AkkerDemik · 04/06/2015 15:43

As it's his mum's house, then obviously you do have to be the one who leaves. Is that why you've stuck it out this long? To have a roof over your head? (Not criticising, just wondering.)

Do make sure you take valuable paperwork, passports, any bank stuff in your name etc, and if you have any joint assets, make sure he can't get his mitts on them behind your back.

And when you've left, please don't ever go back - no matter how many promises he makes or how hard he begs. If you start to weaken, re-read your op to remind yourself how much of a he really is.

SylvaniansAtEase · 04/06/2015 16:18

Good - and don't go back. He is an utter waste of skin.

BUT - box clever. DON'T tell him you're out permanently. Let him think you're cooling off at your mums - whatever. Until... you have sorted storage, and come back when he is at work tomorrow and cleared out everything of yours and everything you think you will need. In fact I think I'd not tell him until I was loading the van.

Mean spirited selfish little user boy might just be the type to tell you you can't take your fridge, or whatever... Don't give him that option.

Oh, and a tip - when you're in sorting stuff, get copies of proof of his earnings if you can, and his national insurance number. Will make CSA claim much easier :)

workhouse · 04/06/2015 16:26

Take everything that you need OP, he doesn't sound very nice and he may become difficult. No one should be spoken to like that, you will feel such relief when you have left. All the best Flowers

WhoNickedMyName · 04/06/2015 16:30

I'm with Sylvanians on this. Tell him you're staying with your mum for some space/cooling off/whatever. Sort out storage and a removal van and come back and clear the house of your stuff. Otherwise he could change the locks before you get a chance to get your stuff back.

Bakeoffcake · 04/06/2015 16:35

God he sounds like a nasty throwback to the 1950s. Good for you for leaving.

Writerwannabe83 · 04/06/2015 16:52

Good on you for leaving!!!

I love reading threads about strong women who've found the strength to leave their wankery partner!!

Stay strong Flowers

MrsTedCrilly · 04/06/2015 16:58

Well done for leaving and realising you're so much better than this. This is so far from a normal, loving relationship. Stay strong and stick to your guns Flowers

CactusAnnie · 04/06/2015 17:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nevercallmehun · 04/06/2015 17:40

Go! Never look back. You'll get over this waste of space. You'll get someone better. Flowers

biffyboom · 04/06/2015 17:46

Keep strong. You need to do this for yourself and your dd. Don't let her grow up seeing you treated like this and repeat the pattern in her own future relationships.

AyeAmarok · 04/06/2015 18:17

Is this the DP that makes his DD sit in a dirty nappy until you get home to change her, and also leaves you to look after your DSD for him too?

Good luck OP.