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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect the school mum who broke my sons phone to pay for it

127 replies

SparkzFly · 04/06/2015 10:27

Short story but I went to pick DS1 up from a play-date and took DS2 with me. When we got there they all had a run around before I gathered them both up and left. When we returned home, DS2 realised that he had left his mobile phone at the house so I sent her a text message to ask her to bring it to school the next day. When this day arrived, she said that there had been an accident. When she went to pick the phone up after my message, it slipped out of her hand and smashed on her patio floor and completely smashed the screen! Phone won't even work or tunr on and DS2 is gutted. She then said 'I have researched a couple of places on line and I have found somewhere locally that can fix it for £50. I can contribute £25 if you want'
I was, and still am quite shocked tbh. I expect her to pay the full amount, or at least offer to. I think offering to pay half is slightly presumptuous Strikethrough: or an utter pisstake. Most of the people I have spoken to agree. My partner says we can't ask her to pay for it all as it sounds cheeky but I think that's due to trying to avoid confrontation. To me, it's more the principal than the £25
AIBU

OP posts:

specialsubject · 04/06/2015 18:28

crap phone, really.

I dropped mine several times (it happens) and it still worked, although I have just replaced it as the signal strength was getting too low. But it is a £10 phone so I won't be claiming on the insurance.

Ok, so an adult dropped it, but these devices seem very fragile and not really fit for purpose.

MackerelOfFact · 04/06/2015 18:31

Would it be the mum's fault for not finding it or your DS's fault for losing it?

Luckyfellow · 04/06/2015 18:38

I don't think she should pay for it. She didn't borrow it and break it. If your son had not left it behind him it wouldn't be broken. Why should she be down £50 because someone left something in her house. I wouldn't have your children round again if I were her. Too expensive. Thank her for her hospitality and get the phone fixed. I wouldn't dream of leaving my son round to someone's house for the afternoon and presenting them with a bill afterwards because my son had brought something expensive with him that had got broken. I can't believe how many people think she should pay. Manners are in decline.

FantasticButtocks · 04/06/2015 18:50

If he hadn't left his phone there, this woman would not have been in the position of holding such an expensive item in her hands and suddenly having the responsibility of not dropping it.

I think it was actually quite good that she offered to contribute to the cost of mending it, and also that she took some trouble to look into how to get that done and how much it might cost.

Had she not received your phone call, she might have had a peaceful, worry-free evening.

I think she was decent to offer. But I also think it would be decent of you to decline.

ttc2015 · 04/06/2015 18:51

Glad you are getting it sorted OP. Can you get it a cover of some kind to prevent this in the future?

Psipssina · 04/06/2015 19:45

Manners are in decline?

If you turn this round, and imagine for a moment that you are the person who found a phone at their house, having been forgotten by its owner.

You pick it up, and drop it, and it smashes.

Wouldn't you offer to replace it? Because that's what I would do, if I had dropped it. Wherever it happened, it was still in my hands and it's not like someone threw it at me without warning, or something.

I don't think you can say manners are in decline without examining the manners of the person who broke the phone.

RaskolnikovsGarret · 04/06/2015 19:50

YANBU at all OP. And the comment about the son not learning about the value of stuff are sanctimonious and frankly unbelievable, particularly mackerel's comment. Of course the woman should pay (affordability issues aside),

RiverTam · 04/06/2015 20:11

Why? The son got the phone out while running about with a couple of 5yos. Not great. He then left it behind. Not great. Instead of him or one of his parents going round to retrieve the phone, they make the other mum responsible for it. What if she'd had her bag snatched on the way to school, would you expect her to replace it?
Not her, or one if her family's, phone so not her responsibility. The OP's son's responsibility, primarily.

Psipssina · 04/06/2015 20:21

What if she'd had her bag snatched on the way to school, would you expect her to replace it?

Of course not. How is that even comparable?

I can see what you're saying about her having custody of the phone without wanting to. It reminds me of the time M&S delivered the same sad mattress four times, having failed to cancel the order, and I was told I had to keep it safe for them for two weeks till they could collect it.

They had left it outside against my wall in the rain in the first place as I was out.

So I do take your point. Maybe half and half is fair but I would still offer to pay for a replacement.

tobysmum77 · 04/06/2015 20:23

it's comparable because either way It's not her fault

I would fall out with many on here over this clearly. If you don't want me to break your belongings don't randomly jettison them in my house!

Psipssina · 04/06/2015 20:23

In my mind it goes something like this:

Woman: Oh shoot, I've dropped your phone - can I offer to pay for it?

OP: Oh no, it was an accident and besides he shouldn't have left it there.

Woman: well let me give you something towards it

OP: Well if you insist, how about we go halves?

Woman: fine, here you go.

tobysmum77 · 04/06/2015 20:25

In my mind it goes like this

her 'I've accidentally dropped the phone your ds left at my house' can I pay for it?

me 'Don't be so utterly ridiculous, sorry for your trouble'

Psipssina · 04/06/2015 20:29

Ah! Well at least she offered, in both scenarios.

RiverTam · 04/06/2015 20:30

And for me it would go:

Son: I left my phone at X's.
Me: twit. Go back round and get it now. Or ask your father to when he gets in as I'm doing your brothers bedtime. He won't be best pleased but that's your problem!

tobysmum77 · 04/06/2015 20:43

It was in the scenario she did

NinkyNonkers · 04/06/2015 20:48

You could probably buy a new handset cheaply,depending on the model they're pretty cheap. I would be happy with half. She wasn't careless, it was an unfortunate combination of events.

Fauxlivia · 04/06/2015 20:50

I wouldn't expect her to pay for it at all. It was an accident and I would just take it on the chin.

SouthWestmom · 04/06/2015 21:01

This is interesting . There was a thread ages ago where the op got pretty slated for giving a coat someone left in her car to a charity shop after a few months

Psipssina · 04/06/2015 21:02

She offered to contribute in the RL version. Not to pay for it.

FlabulousChix · 04/06/2015 21:07

Of course she should pay for it accident or not. If you have a car accident do you get to walk away without paying anything no you don't.

Gabilan · 04/06/2015 21:17

"If you have a car accident do you get to walk away without paying anything no you don't."

If you have a collision in your car, you get into it knowing your responsibilities and the risks involved. They're clearly laid out in law and you know you will end up paying and have insurance accordingly.

You don't expect 10 year olds to turn up at your house, leave their phones lying around and then for you to get stung when you try to help them. 50:50 is fair enough. The child left it there, the friend dropped it.

tobysmum77 · 04/06/2015 21:19

Flabulous you choose to drive your car. She didn't choose for someone to leave the phone behind. Completely different

Icimoi · 04/06/2015 21:58

If you have a car accident do you get to walk away without paying anything no you don't.

Yes you do, if the accident isn't your fault, or if there would have been no damage if the owner of the damaged property had taken normal steps to protect it properly.

WeAllHaveWings · 04/06/2015 22:25

YABU, I would never expect someone to pay for an accident that only happened because of my sons carelessness, and would decline any offer.

Hope you aren't saying in front of your son she should pay for it as it won't teach him to be careful with such an expensive phone in the future, if you need him to have one so you can keep in touch buy him a cheap £20 phone and tell him he'll get a smartphone again when he can prove he's more responsible.

Original poster

SparkzFly · 05/06/2015 12:10

Wow!!! Thank you for ALL of your replies. My partner said I was being completely unreasonable so just thought Id post on here to get a completely unbiased view. I think the general consensus seems to be that AIBU. . .
If it was my house I would still have offered to pay the full amount :-)
Thanks again x

OP posts:

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