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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect the school mum who broke my sons phone to pay for it

127 replies

SparkzFly · 04/06/2015 10:27

Short story but I went to pick DS1 up from a play-date and took DS2 with me. When we got there they all had a run around before I gathered them both up and left. When we returned home, DS2 realised that he had left his mobile phone at the house so I sent her a text message to ask her to bring it to school the next day. When this day arrived, she said that there had been an accident. When she went to pick the phone up after my message, it slipped out of her hand and smashed on her patio floor and completely smashed the screen! Phone won't even work or tunr on and DS2 is gutted. She then said 'I have researched a couple of places on line and I have found somewhere locally that can fix it for £50. I can contribute £25 if you want'
I was, and still am quite shocked tbh. I expect her to pay the full amount, or at least offer to. I think offering to pay half is slightly presumptuous Strikethrough: or an utter pisstake. Most of the people I have spoken to agree. My partner says we can't ask her to pay for it all as it sounds cheeky but I think that's due to trying to avoid confrontation. To me, it's more the principal than the £25
AIBU

OP posts:

Tiptops · 04/06/2015 16:40

Not sure why people are assuming the woman can't afford to pay the £50 repair. She certainly hasn't said that and nor has the OP.

YANBU OP. If I had broken someone's phone, I'd contact them to say 'so sorry, but I am getting it repaired and will return it to you once fixed.' I wouldn't expect them to pay anything, nor have the hassle of organising a repair. And if I really couldn't afford to pay it all at once I would say so upfront and offer to pay say, £10 a week, not just offer £25.

Laladeepsouth · 04/06/2015 16:59

I'm still amazed that so many people don't understand that accidentally damaging an item left on one's premises or in one's (undesired) possession doesn't create responsibility for that item!

HavenKimmel · 04/06/2015 17:02

YABVVVU

It is absolutely not her responsibility to pay for a replacement. Let this be a lesson to your son to look after his things better. You can't just decide she's responsible for something left at her house without her consent. How utterly ridiculous.

fiveacres · 04/06/2015 17:04

It being in her house is a bit of a red herring really. The point is, she broke it by picking it up and dropping it.

Floggingmolly · 04/06/2015 17:11

She wasn't "made responsible" for the item being left on her premises. She is responsible for breaking it, just as she would be if she broke it at op's house.

SugarPlumTree · 04/06/2015 17:11

The fact it is in her house is not a red herring and absolutely the crux of the matter. If the DS hadn't of left it she would have no reason to have touched it. Being on the floor in her house put her in the position where she needed to move it to prevent damage to the phone or to the occupants of her house who may have tripped on it and sustained an injury.

Unfortunately at that point the accident occurred. It happened because of OP's son's lack of care, it should have been in his possession then she would not have been in the position where she had to touch it.

Floggingmolly · 04/06/2015 17:13

No, it happened because she dropped and broke the bloody thing.

BeaufortBelle · 04/06/2015 17:14

Crikey.

Your son, aged 10, left his phone, ie, didn't take care of it, at someone else's house. Sorry, I think it's your responsibility. I also think a 10 year old doesn't need a Nokia Lumia and if you get him one you accept it will get broken and insure it.

Why did your ds need to take the phone out of his pocket, in your company, when collecting a younger sibling in the first instance?

My son got thrown in a swimming pool with a brand new blackberry in his pocket a few years ago. The young man whose house it was and who threw him in, sourced an old blackberry and we got it sorted. I still had to pay a reasonable sum.

Boys will be boys and their parents have to take responsibility for them.

Gabilan · 04/06/2015 17:17

she never willingly took on responsibility for care of the phone - it was imposed on her. So on that basis, her offering 50% is very reasonable.

This. The problem with expecting her to pay for all of it is that in future she may be very wary of having your kids around if she thinks that they might leave expensive electronic gadgets around that she will then be responsible for.

As a PP said, if a child left a phone on a park bench and a stranger retrieved it after you asked them to, would you similarly expect them to be responsible for any damage caused? If she was playing "how many smart phones can I juggle" then she's responsible. If she was just moving it around at your request then I think you just have to admit that accidents happen. Your son relinquished control of it, your friend didn't then choose to take on responsibility for it.

fiveacres · 04/06/2015 17:18

I don't think it was on the floor in their house!

I also think there's some perfect people on here but I am 33 and I have forgotten to collect my phone or left my bag at someone's house or similar. I don't need a 'lesson in responsibility' because I accept accidents sometimes happen.

I think some peoples horror that a child has a decent phone is clouding the issue to be honest.

The op has said that she wouldn't have taken the mum up on her offer to pay for it, but that the gesture should have been made; I agree with her.

yetanotherchangename · 04/06/2015 17:20

YABU - if your son hadn't left it there it wouldn't have got broken. His fault and the other mother shouldn't pay.

teatowel · 04/06/2015 17:22

When children bring their phones to my house I actually tell them that I am not being responsible for them. I will not spend hours looking for them or feel guilty because they get broken on covered with water. If you are old enough to have a phone you are old enough to look after it. I am very clear on that and the fact this child got his phone out , left it at the house means he has to accept the consequences.

Laladeepsouth · 04/06/2015 17:26

My third and last post on this subject but "It being in her house" without her knowledge or request or desire IS the very point. She didn't know that it had been left there, she didn't request that it be left there, and she didn't desire that it be left there. She looked for it at the OP's request and, when found, accidentally dropped it resulting in it being broken. She bears absolutely no responsibility for replacing or repairing the phone. I would think that the OP would be embarrassed to be seen an unreasonably expecting payment for what was obviously caused by her and her child's oversight and lack of care.

RiverTam · 04/06/2015 17:28

Thinking it through, the other mum shouldn't have to pay anything. Once it had been noticed that ds1had left his phone someone should have gone round and collected it. You should not have transferred responsibility for the phone onto the other family. Personally I'd be saving my ire for ds1, why on earth did he have his phone out at a 5yos play date? Unless he needs the phone for safety reasons I'm sure he can do without for a bit.

BertrandRussell · 04/06/2015 17:31

So imagine she was at your house. Ds asked her to pass him his phone which was on the table next to her. She picks it up, drops it on the slate floor and breaks it. Who pays?

BertrandRussell · 04/06/2015 17:33

"Unless he needs the phone for safety reasons I'm sure he can do without for a bit."

Nobody needs a phone for safety reasons.

Gabilan · 04/06/2015 17:40

"if I really couldn't afford to pay it all at once I would say so upfront and offer to pay say, £10 a week, not just offer £25."

As someone who is often a bit broke, I don't take on responsibility for stuff I cannot replace. But in this instance, the OP's friend was not given that choice. So she's having responsibility foisted on her when she may not be able to afford it. How is that fair or reasonable?

awombwithaview · 04/06/2015 17:47

I think half is fair and you should accept half. She had your son over, he left his phone, she picked it up and dropped it - no doubt dashing around tidying up after the boys has been playing. The thing is if you insist on the full amount you can count on your relationship getting difficult and thus impacting the kids relationship. Let it go and accept half.

FunkyPeacock · 04/06/2015 17:55

In BertrandRussell's example my response would be the same as to the OP - on offer to pay 50% is reasonable and quite generous

In both examples the other mother did not seek to take responsibility for the phone nor was being careless or reckless, if she had thrown the phone to your DS then the answer would of course be different

I have cracked the screen on a phone of my own by dropping it in the past and was most annoyed with myself for not putting in a better cover

The only scenario when I think the other mother would be morally obliged to cover the whole cost would be if she had sought to be in possession of the phone (eg asked your DS if she could borrow it) OR if she was being reckless in someway

tobysmum77 · 04/06/2015 17:58

yabu

It isn't about the age of the person. I may well leave my phone behind somewhere and I am older than 33... but if it gets broken after someone picks it up then it's my fault not theirs.

Utterly bizarre that anyone would think otherwise.

riverboat1 · 04/06/2015 18:00

I think half is very fair, and what I would offer in the circumstances. There was an accident on both sides which led to the breakage, your son leaving it at her house and then her dropping it. 50/50 seems right to me.

PurpleSwift · 04/06/2015 18:07

If your son hadn't left it there then she wouldn't have dropped it at all. It is his responsibility and I think her offer is totally acceptable.

Icimoi · 04/06/2015 18:09

I don't think the other mother has any obligation to pay for the phone or to offer to do so, and her offer to pay half was very generous. If you take an expensive object to another person's half, you are 100% responsible for its safety. That means not only that you look after it and don't leave it there, but if it's fragile you take reasonable steps to protect it. OP, did you have any protective film on the screen, and was the phone in a case?

Suppose OP's son had left this phone on a table and as he walked out of the door a dog or a small child knocked the table and caused it to fall and break. Would anyone seriously say the house owner was responsible for that? The damage would be directly caused by the fact that (a) the son had an expensive object at the house, (b) his failure to look after it properly, and (c) the failure to take any action to protect it from breaking. I can't see any difference between that situation and one where the owner picked up the phone in order to help the son and accidentally dropped it. The fact remains that the accident and breakage would not have happened but for the same three factors.

Icimoi · 04/06/2015 18:12

So imagine she was at your house. Ds asked her to pass him his phone which was on the table next to her. She picks it up, drops it on the slate floor and breaks it. Who pays?

Still the parent, because this accident is caused by DS leaving it on a table above a slate floor, by his failure to walk over and pick it up for himself, and the overall failure to have the phone in an appropriately protective casing. I must say if I had slate floors the first thing I would do is to put the phone in the toughest casing I could find!

MackerelOfFact · 04/06/2015 18:27

What if the mum hadn't found the phone? Would you still expect her to pay?

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