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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect the school mum who broke my sons phone to pay for it

127 replies

SparkzFly · 04/06/2015 10:27

Short story but I went to pick DS1 up from a play-date and took DS2 with me. When we got there they all had a run around before I gathered them both up and left. When we returned home, DS2 realised that he had left his mobile phone at the house so I sent her a text message to ask her to bring it to school the next day. When this day arrived, she said that there had been an accident. When she went to pick the phone up after my message, it slipped out of her hand and smashed on her patio floor and completely smashed the screen! Phone won't even work or tunr on and DS2 is gutted. She then said 'I have researched a couple of places on line and I have found somewhere locally that can fix it for £50. I can contribute £25 if you want'
I was, and still am quite shocked tbh. I expect her to pay the full amount, or at least offer to. I think offering to pay half is slightly presumptuous Strikethrough: or an utter pisstake. Most of the people I have spoken to agree. My partner says we can't ask her to pay for it all as it sounds cheeky but I think that's due to trying to avoid confrontation. To me, it's more the principal than the £25
AIBU

OP posts:

BarbarianMum · 04/06/2015 11:20

No Bert children shouldn't take their expensive things to other peoples houses and leave them there, making others assume responsibility for them.

RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime · 04/06/2015 11:24

When you texted her asking her to bring it to school for your DS did you say "if the phone is accidentally damaged while you are bringing it to me, you will have to pay for repair/replacement", thereby giving her the option of saying "I'm not touching it then, please come and get it yourself from exactly where you left it."?

Because that's the only situation in which she should possibly be responsible for the accident. She didn't want to be in charge of the phone, you asked her to be. Anyone could have dropped it, I've dropped mine plenty of times.

I imagine she didn't offer to pay for the whole thing because what if you'd agreed? If you don't think you should pay for something you shouldn't offer to, just for appearance's sake. That is silly and dishonest.

KoalaDownUnder · 04/06/2015 11:24

But she actually had it in her had and dropped it. How is he remotely responsible for that?

He's responsible for that because he put her in the position of having the phone in her hand in the first place! She wasn't playing with his phone for her own purposes; she picked it up to read a text from him, because he left it at her house!

I am quite shocked, actually, and think the OP would be rude to take any money. If I leave a valuable possession at a friend's house, forcing them to take unwanted responsibility for it, I would consider any accidental damage to be totally my own fault.

RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime · 04/06/2015 11:26

I'm surprised that someone named after Bertrand Russell has made such an illogical argument!

popmimiboo · 04/06/2015 11:28

My DS left his brand new nokia lumia on a fence by the football pitch and, surprise, it got knocked off and smashed to bits.
(Bloody expensive) lesson in life.
He went 2 months with no phone, then I gave him my old iphone in an otterbox and he's been slightly more responsible with it.
I really hope £50 will cover repairs. If so, I'd take the £25 and hope it would teach DS to be more careful...

bamboostalks · 04/06/2015 11:29

Am so surprised at all the people saying the mum should pay. Sorry but if someone's sibling on a playdate left a phone and I dropped it, I would mighty peeved at the expectation I should pay or my insurance pay. I haven't asked for the phone to be my responsibility. They left it and an accident occurred. It is entirely their responsibility. I think she is being very nice offering to pay half.

Floggingmolly · 04/06/2015 11:32

She was trying to help and you're charging her for it. How?
If I'd done this I wouldn't for a second have considered offering to "contribute" to it's repair; it would have been my responsibility, full stop.
If it was my phone though; I wouldn't demean myself by pointing this out...

If she doesn't get it, she doesn't get it.

Mutley77 · 04/06/2015 11:48

I think yabu. She obviously feels bad and has researched it all plus offered half which is more than fair.

She didn't assume responsibility for the phone so can't be held responsible.

You son needs to take better care of the phone and have a proper case to protect it.

Mistigri · 04/06/2015 13:22

I think she's being generous. Your son left it there, she has no personal responsibility for the phone.

DoughDoe · 04/06/2015 14:41

YABU.

I have one of these phones and it's basic common sense to get a case for it. It's amazing it didn't break sooner to be frank.

And you can get Lumias from £30 anyway.

whippy33 · 04/06/2015 15:33

OP you say you hope it will make him more careful in future....I doubt it! He left it behind, it got broken someone else paid for a replacement....he is no worse off. He will only learn to look after his property if he has to accept responsibility for how things. Get him to contribute towards this. He will be sure to look after it better if he's had to pay towards it himself!

FunkyPeacock · 04/06/2015 15:41

I can understand your frustration but I think her offer to pay 50% of the cost is reasonable in the circumstances

It was an accident & the phone was left unattended at someone else's house and clearly didn't have a decent case on it to prevent damage if dropped

saoirse31 · 04/06/2015 15:48

Definitely she shouldn't be expected to pay. It was an accident- you and your son left it behind. Don't see why she's ecpected to pay for your and sons forgetfulness tbh. think it was v nice of her to chk and offer. personally I wouldn't expect it but would take half out of dS money.

Shockers · 04/06/2015 15:54

As annoying as it is that the phone is broken, I wouldn't even let her pay half.

If it hadn't been left at her house (by someone who wasn't even invited by her), she wouldn't have been able to pick it up... or drop it.

Weebirdie · 04/06/2015 16:02

OP, forget all the nonsense about why does he have a phone like that in the first place, that he should have been more responsible etc because its all irrelevant and people are just liking to put the boot in.

The woman dropped the phone and she should pay for it, but that said, I think out of goodwill I would say - thank you for offering to cover half the cost of the repair but Ill get it done myself.

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 04/06/2015 16:05

She should offer the whole lot, you should refuse, then you should agree on the middle in an embarrassed to be talking about money British way

She has just cut to the chase with her offer

MackerelOfFact · 04/06/2015 16:06

Your son left his phone, and while he wasn't looking after it, it got broken.

Surely a valuable lesson in how important it is to take responsibility and look after your own things?

To lay the blame squarely with the mum teaches your DS that he doesn't need to be responsible for his possessions - he can just palm them off onto someone else, and when something happens, it's the other person's fault.

Which, frankly, sounds like the attitude of most of the men that end up being written about in the Relationships topic...

VinoTime · 04/06/2015 16:09

Yabu.

Her offer to pay half was very generous.

Sandbrook · 04/06/2015 16:12

Totally agree surg ceebie, the phone was left there by your son so responsibility for it was forced on the mum.
She's being more than generous to offer to pay half I would refuse her offer and make your son pay for the damage.

Laladeepsouth · 04/06/2015 16:13

She should not be expected to pay at all. OP purchased a child an expensive and breakable item, which he then left behind/"lost." What then happened to it was an understandable accident -- the liability is strictly on the child's parent to replace or repair the item in the case of damage or loss. Certainly the parent should have foreseen that something could conceivably happen to the phone and should have been prepared for this event. Expecting someone else to pay is, as we used to say, just tacky.

morethanpotatoprints · 04/06/2015 16:14

I think the offer was generous.
Kids or parents are always breaking phones.
my dd had dhs old iphone, it lasted a week.
complete accident, it fell from her pocket getting out of the car.
Sods law it hit the curb, shattered, missing the lovely soft grassy verge by centimetres.
There is no way I'd buy a modern phone, too easy to break.
She has an old brick now and the quality is much better without the gizmos

SugarPlumTree · 04/06/2015 16:18

There's no way I would let her pay. She kindly had your child round, then due to the negligence of your older child has been put in the position of the whole thing costing her money.

If I were her I would have offered full amount but if I were you I'd have then declined saying something lines of 'very kind of you to offer but he should learn to take better care of it. I'll take repairs from his pocket money/birthda money/send him up the chimney to pay it off, thanks again for offering' , or something similar.

littlejohnnydory · 04/06/2015 16:18

I'd be very annoyed in the other mum's shoes. Your son left an expensive mobile (that in my view it's ridiculous for him to have) at her house, thus making her responsible for it when she hadn't asked to be. Then she accidentally drops it and is expected to contribute to repairs. I think it's very generous of her to offer to pay towards it. You give your child a phone that he fails to look after, you suck up the cost if you want it repaired, I'm afraid.

I think it must be regional riveravon - I have a ds coming up 8 and I only know one of his friends who has a smartphone, everyone is a bit taken aback about it. If he brought it on a playdate I'd tell him to keep it in his bag as I wouldn't want my ds having unsupervised internet use on it. My plan is that when he starts going out by himself he will have a cheap pay as you go to contact me and dh only. I don't see why he would need more than that until he's old enough to buy his own. A couple of friends think I'm being unreasonable to give him a pay as you go!

littlejohnnydory · 04/06/2015 16:19

£50 is a huge amount of money to some people. For us, it would mean the children going withouyt treats and days out if we had to stump up that money. This time last year we just wouldn't have had it without going hungry!

LeoandBoosmum · 04/06/2015 16:26

What's the insurance excess for the phone (if it's covered on contents)? If other child's mother is willing to stump up £25 (I think she's being fair, btw... Your DC left it there after all) then that might make the excess a bit more bearable to get a new phone.
Not sure I picked up how old your DC is but it did occur to me that maybe a £££ mobile is a bad idea if they've not learnt to be responsible with one yet.

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