to write something that could be seen as a bit bitchy in the leaving card for someone that's been aggressive, a bully, unhelpful and unpleasant

[pettywitchinlondon]

That really. The card is on my desk as I was last today, couldn't think if I should write "bye! The office will be a different place without you :)" or just leave it?

Anybody got a better one?

I was in the same circumstances as you in march OP. I'm part time and my lack of name on the card wouldn't have meant much.
She retired. She was satan. I wrote bye xxxxxx GAGGIA xxxx
I'm my head I was awesome.

Either don't sign it, or just write your name. The only possible dignified responses!

Their loss is our gain?

I once worked with an indescribable monster colleague (NB she might have been lovely outside work although honestly I doubt it). Her leaving card/ present was a five-day sketch but we got through it until someone on another floor wrote FUCK OFF in the card. Even though we all agreed we did the tippex shit and got through it. "Best wishes, me" would be fine - and assuming best wishes includes a realisation that being a cunt is not the route to happiness, it would be true. Just not the whole truth.

I once wrote "I hope you get everything you deserve in the future" in a bitch of an ex colleagues leaving card

You could always go the other way

Well miss you more than words can say. The tears will dry up eventually. Your smiling face and pleasant helpful manner will be noted by its absence. Love and extra sloppy kisses. She'll know. You'll know. Everyone will know.

The best leaving collection story I've heard is from my mum's old work. My mum (who is no saint herself) was taking an envelope round and counted the contents before taking it into the office bitch just to see how tight she was. But when she got the envelope back and re-counted, there was actually a pound less in there .

You could put down a significant amount of tipp-ex and then write 'all the best, prettywitchinlondon xx' in a small section on top.

Yes tipped. The perfect passive aggressive solution. All the better if it's the pot of lumpy stuff from 1993 that you find in the back of the stationery cupboard.

I hope your new colleagues appreciate you the way we do.

Don't sign it!!

I once wrote 'I hope you have the same relationship with your colleagues as you had with us' on the card of a particular bitch of a woman.

"wishing the best of luck....to your new colleagues"

I'm crying here

So long and thanks for all the fish.

I find Hitchikers references always work well in this situation.

'Some people give pleasure wherever they go, others give pleasure whenever they go'

Just don't sign it. If the person was horrible and a bully you are within your rights not to.

Not rtft but I've written "I hope you get all you deserve in life x"
More recently I just decline to contribute, and if asked why, I tell the truth.

Oh God, someone wrote "Happy Birthday" on my leaving card years ago. I assumed it was an honest mistake (it was a large organisation and there were always a pile of cards to be signed on a certain table). Now I'm feeling paranoid :)

Yes yes ti the tippex!
I'm also paranoid about my kind wishes

I think you are missing the possibility that if she is that horrible she doesn't actually like you and won't care what is in the card.

I wouldn't sign it, if enough people don't then she might just get the message.

I would be tempted to put 'the office will be a different place without you' then with a smiley face and your initials with one kiss.
Mixed messages. Absolutely!

I'd sign the card using your first initial and full last name. P. Witchinlondon, it just adds a touch of auto signing about it.

"Best wishes"