AIBU or is my friend?

[Confusedandworriedwoman]

Don't know what happened when I posted this earlier!

I have an extremely close friend, been mates for years. With work schedules and city moves and other stuff, there is an ebb and flow of how much we get to socialise and catch up on the phone.

This year we had been in touch quite a lot, and had a couple of mini breaks away together, all good. I asked her if she fancied going on hols to Ibiza in August and she was up for that. I also asked her to a spa weekend with my cousin and she said she wanted to come.

I changed job then and suddenly life got a lot more difficult, I'm not getting on well in the job and have mentioned this casually to my mate. I tend to withdraw into myself when things are hard and so I haven't been taking her calls. I just counted and over the past month she has tried to call me EIGHTEEN times. What the fuck? The last couple of messages have been that she is worried about me as she knows that I'm having some serious family problems too and she's wondering if everything is ok with me. Also wanting to know if the holidays are still on.

Honestly, I feel bad in one way because it was me that suggested booking the trips away in the first place and I have suddenly cut off contact. Not ideal I know. That said I think she's got the message now because I haven't heard from her in a few days.

But 18 calls in a month, plus a few texts, is not ok is it? Surely she could have got the hint after um maybe 5?

Are we both BU? Or is it just her or just me?

I do like her, we are very close, but not sure if I want this friendship anymore even though it's been great in the past.

Bloody half term

Sorry - what?

I am genuinely asking here. What looks suspicious about my problem?

I think you need to get a grip and be grateful to have a friend who cares

Sorry but I think YABU. If a friend who I was close enough to for spa weekends etc, suddenly cut contact I'd be worried. 18 times in a month isn't that much for good friends. Especially if she's worried.

Seriously I am unsure about your response, Aermingers. Do you not believe someone would call me 18 times? Because I assure you that is the case.

depends how frequent those 18 calls are - every couple of days reasonable but all in 1-2 days pretty unreasonable.

if u didn't feel up to speaking to her you could have sent a quick text saying that u couldn't speak at the moment and will contact her re holidays once u were sorted.

Why not send a text saying you're busy/ going through a rough time.

Yeah, she sounds like a right bitch. Caring and all.

I think she sounds like a concerned friend. She is probably very confused and needed to know if the holidays were still on.

Is this a reverse though?

You ignored her calls even though you invited her on two separate holidays? D'you think shes trying to find out if the plans are still on considering you can't be bothered to talk to her?
Seriously...she should have got the hint? YOU should have had a conversation with her!

I call reverse

It's just you (that is BU).

Really? So she's worried about you and keeps calling because she wants to know you're ok. And your attitude is 'I think she's got the message now'
You've been good friends, but now you're not sure if you want this friendship anymore, so you're just going to stop answering the phone to her.
Lovely. She's better off without you. How old are you? 6?

You are being very unreasonable. It's not acceptable to just ditch someone when life is difficult. Perhaps if you'd answered the phone she wouldn't have needed to call you 18 times.

agree with Farover - shes calling because she cares and is worried you are behaving like a child, grow up and be grateful!

I know I'm not in a good place right now and it's making me really irritable and affecting my judgement. I just can't speak to her though.

No, the calls were maybe 2 or 3 a day, every few days.

I think you're both being U

18 calls is very excessive even if she is worried but you should have sent a quick text to let her know you were ok

Send her a text op...I also hate talking on the phone when I'm stressed or upset, but you need to at least acknowledge her. Don't lose a good friend...we all need them!

I really don't understand you. If a really close friend of mine with whom I was in reasonably regular contact - and from whom I expected to hear about holiday arrangements - suddenly disappeared off the radar, I think I would have made quite a number of attempts to contact her because, y'know, I would be worried about her. I can't see how 18 calls over a full month is that unreasonable.

Have you seriously not checked your messages and texts for over a month?

I simply don't understand how you can claim to be very close to this person, totally ignore all her attempts to communicate with you when she is genuinely worried, and then somehow blame her and be ready to jettison the friendship. The whole thing is very, very strange.

Or is it a reverse?

Welcome to MN OP.

IT IS YOU. ABSOLUTELY.

If one of my friends behaved towards me in this way I would be utterly hurt and baffled and then once I managed to convince myself it maybe wasn't personal, worried about them.

Oh, welcome to MN.

I see.

Reverse it: "I have a close friend, known each other ages. Been really close of late, been away lots and she's suggested a spa weekend and a holiday to Ibiza. Been looking forward to it.

But she's ignoring my calls. I have phoned/texted about 18 times in the last 4 weeks. Nothing.

Cannot think of anything I have done to offend, I really can't.

Dunno what to do about the breaks away. I don't know if I am uninvited. I could go away with others but what if they get in touch?

I do really like my friend but I feeling pretty frustrated to just be dropped without explanation. WwYD???

You behaved truly awful as a friend. Could you simply not message her to let her know what's going on . She's obviously very concerned and hopefully now 'she gets the message' and drops you.
Btw you have time to post on mn about her but don't have time to be a friend and message her