AIBU or is my friend?

[Confusedandworriedwoman]

Don't know what happened when I posted this earlier!

I have an extremely close friend, been mates for years. With work schedules and city moves and other stuff, there is an ebb and flow of how much we get to socialise and catch up on the phone.

This year we had been in touch quite a lot, and had a couple of mini breaks away together, all good. I asked her if she fancied going on hols to Ibiza in August and she was up for that. I also asked her to a spa weekend with my cousin and she said she wanted to come.

I changed job then and suddenly life got a lot more difficult, I'm not getting on well in the job and have mentioned this casually to my mate. I tend to withdraw into myself when things are hard and so I haven't been taking her calls. I just counted and over the past month she has tried to call me EIGHTEEN times. What the fuck? The last couple of messages have been that she is worried about me as she knows that I'm having some serious family problems too and she's wondering if everything is ok with me. Also wanting to know if the holidays are still on.

Honestly, I feel bad in one way because it was me that suggested booking the trips away in the first place and I have suddenly cut off contact. Not ideal I know. That said I think she's got the message now because I haven't heard from her in a few days.

But 18 calls in a month, plus a few texts, is not ok is it? Surely she could have got the hint after um maybe 5?

Are we both BU? Or is it just her or just me?

I do like her, we are very close, but not sure if I want this friendship anymore even though it's been great in the past.

OP - I think people are doubting that this is a genuine post as no one can understand why you can't see that you are the one behaving appallingly.

Call your friend. Or text her. Or link her this thread in an email

Let the poor woman go make holiday plans with someone else but let her know

In a month you couldn't have found time to at least send her a text? Can you even manage to think of someone other than yourself and think about how she must be feeling?

Some people need a good slap upside the head to make them realise they are not the centre of the universe.

I tend to withdraw into myself when things are hard and so I haven't been taking her calls.

YABU - It's you! Your friend knows that you have a tendency to withdraw when you are pressurised. She was trying to talk to you to bring you out of your usual doldrums - but you refused contact. She got more concerned so made 18 attempts to call you and texted 5 times.

You should have at least sent a text back to say, "I can't speak now but will call at the weekend"

Now she has backed off and given up. I think you have damaged your friendship and YOU need to sort it.

Yabvu

Wow. So unreasonable! Did it ever occur to you your friend might have wanted to make other plans if you weren't willing to fulfil those you suggested? How is your friend unreasonable for wanting some clarity for her life?

I've had this done to me and it's shit. You should feel ashamed. A quick text is not much to ask, especially seen as you were planning holidays together. YABVVVU.

Confusedandworriedmum - is your ID an indication of how you feel usually?

Are you withdrawing because you feel overwhelmed - so even pleasurable friendships become too much?

If so, have you spoken to your GP about this?

It won't affect your job by saying (confidentially) that you are juggling too much. It is the 'withdrawal' and rejection of friendship contact that sends me a signal.

Forgive me if I have got it wrong.

I'm usually crap at spotting them but this had to be a reverse surely?