AIBU or is my friend?

[Confusedandworriedwoman]

Don't know what happened when I posted this earlier!

I have an extremely close friend, been mates for years. With work schedules and city moves and other stuff, there is an ebb and flow of how much we get to socialise and catch up on the phone.

This year we had been in touch quite a lot, and had a couple of mini breaks away together, all good. I asked her if she fancied going on hols to Ibiza in August and she was up for that. I also asked her to a spa weekend with my cousin and she said she wanted to come.

I changed job then and suddenly life got a lot more difficult, I'm not getting on well in the job and have mentioned this casually to my mate. I tend to withdraw into myself when things are hard and so I haven't been taking her calls. I just counted and over the past month she has tried to call me EIGHTEEN times. What the fuck? The last couple of messages have been that she is worried about me as she knows that I'm having some serious family problems too and she's wondering if everything is ok with me. Also wanting to know if the holidays are still on.

Honestly, I feel bad in one way because it was me that suggested booking the trips away in the first place and I have suddenly cut off contact. Not ideal I know. That said I think she's got the message now because I haven't heard from her in a few days.

But 18 calls in a month, plus a few texts, is not ok is it? Surely she could have got the hint after um maybe 5?

Are we both BU? Or is it just her or just me?

I do like her, we are very close, but not sure if I want this friendship anymore even though it's been great in the past.

YABVVU.

I appreciate this sounds like depression and you should see a doctor.

But there was nothing stopping you from sending a quick text to say. "I'm fine but not really up to calling right now, sorry."
She is worried about you, probably wondering what the hell is going on about these holidays. You said yourself you were close, so of course she'll be concerned.

But don't worry, now she's got the hint I doubt she'll bother you again. Ever. You've behaved really badly and I'd be massively upset if I was your friend.

It is you op! Echo what others have said are you depressed? Regardless your friend deserves an explanation.

Good friends don't give up. That's why we all need good friends. You're getting distracted, OP. You need to focus on getting support to get you to a happier place, either at work or generally. It sounds like she's right to be concerned.

This is definately a reverse.

If not OP, you may have just lost a good friend through your behaviour. As PP say, a quick text or email wouldn't have hurt but I think its a bit late.

Yes she is being very unreasonable.

What is it with people trying to find out if holidays are still on and calling you to see if you are alright?

Disgraceful

And yes, we can see how busy you are. I mean it takes hours to send a text saying "sorry not really up to chatting right now- can I call you another time?" And mere seconds on MN, start a thread and chat to strangers

Your poor friend must be worried sick about you!

Had any good parties recently OP?

Its you

She's worried about u. If u are well enough to post here, u are well enough to write a simple text to her

It's you. She needs to find better friends.

Definitely you, feel quite sorry for your poor friend-she's clearly concerned which indicates she cares & is a good friend & you're on MN bitching about it.

When you are depressed posting anon is MUCH easier than ANY contact with someone you know. The op likely KNOWS she is bu but needs to see it validated as a kick up the arse. OP do you have a husband/partner/someone at home? Can you ask them to contact this friend for you? Please just let her know you are ok and then do whatever you need to and make it so xx

YABU, you have treated your friend really badly here op.

If you don't want this friend, direct her my way, she sounds like a keeper

So harsh on your friend.

And you're being really bitchy about her too.

Not nice.

YABVU

She's worried about you!!! Have you told her that your life has got difficult? As Pancakeflipper has suggested ... Reverse the situation!... Your friend doesn't know where she stands!!! She needs to know what the message is... You have instigated a trip and now you're pouring ice over it... Your friend is concerned and also needs to know about budgeting for a trip that, quite clearly , she doesn't still know if it's still on!
I'm sorry dear ... YABU

I also tend to batten down the hatches when going through a rough time, as I am at the moment.

Difference is my friends don't give a shit, I've not heard from them.

I'd happily swap you all of my friends for your one.

You are being bloody massively unreasonable.

OP can you send me your friends details, she sounds lovely and a true friend, I would love to have someone like her in my life, you however, errmm no thanks

"things are hard and so I haven't been taking her calls. I just counted and over the past month she has tried to call me EIGHTEEN times. What the fuck?"

I read this bit and thought that you were appalled because you had suddenly realised how awful you'd been to have ignoring her concern.

Then I saw that you're just being a bit of a bitch.

Thing is, if you are friends with someone you have to be friends all the time, not just when you feel like it.

Call your friend.

Thanks Mary

It's OK, at least I know now!

Thanks Mary

It's OK, at least I know now!