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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave DD in library whilst I go to work

526 replies

LoveandPeaceGonk · 02/06/2015 11:04

DD is 10.5

I've been a SAHM since she was born. I've managed to find a part-time job 30 minutes drive from where we live (rural location so no jobs locally).

They want me to start in July which is when DD breaks up for 7 weeks.

We're going away for one week and I've booked her in a sports club for another but am struggling with other weeks

There is a really nice library close to where I'll be working. Would I BU to leave her there for one morning/afternoon a week i.e. 3 hours? She's a bookworm so could amuse herself on that plus the computer.

And there's a cafe next door she could pop into. Plus she'd have her phone with her.

What do you think?

OP posts:
CoogerAndDark · 02/06/2015 14:07

I'm not really am I SillyStuff. I'm happy for unaccompanied children to be in the library and see them as no different to any other library user as far as duty of care goes.
I would help them if they needed me to, like I would the woman with chest pain, the man who was sick, the woman who tells me someone has been making her feel uncomfortable whilst she browses or the man being pestered by the drunk person whilst on the public PCs.

Over 8 and in my library behaving yourself? Not a problem. Not my business why. Not a cause for concern in itself.

balletgirlmum · 02/06/2015 14:11

But the child isn't abandoned so there would be no reason to report her as such.

She is simply using the facilities of a public institution. She is able to contact a parent who is close by. She is free to go to a cafe etc if she wants to.

She's not abandoned.

balletgirlmum · 02/06/2015 14:14

Of course public places arnt 100% safe, but then nowhere is including some childrens homes.

There comes a point & sometime around yr 5-6 is an ideal time in preparation for travelling to secondary school, thT we have to start teaching our children to be a bit more streetwise.

Age 16 is too late. At 16 my dd may very well be off to London to live & study 200 miles away from home for example.

TheCatCupIsMine · 02/06/2015 14:17

Wow, I would have LOVED that as a child! We didn't have a library, just a library van which visited once a week, so an actual library that you could sit in would have been amazing, and I would happily have spent whole afternoons there.

I think in your situation, OP, I'd speak to the library staff and establish the policy on unaccompanied children of your DD's age. Explain that you do not expect them to take any responsibility for her, beyond the duty of care they have to all library users. I'd keep checking regularly that they are happy enough with her behaviour etc. just in case a problem arises (eg over time, she gets to know another regular user and they start messing about or something).

I really don't see that there's a big problem as long as you are not expecting them to in ANY way be responsible for her in your absence (beyond what they'd do for anyone in the library).

I'd also make sure your DD is confident in speaking to the library staff if there's a problem, or if she feels uncomfortable with someone else's behaviour, and make sure she knows the rules of the library.

To be honest, I'd also leave my mobile number with staff in case there was a problem with her behaviour (obviously she should also have your details with her in case there's an emergency and someone else needs to phone you). But then I know my local library staff fairly well.

chaletdays · 02/06/2015 14:23

I've actually given up going to my library because it's normally full of teenagers lounging around chatting loudly and children tearing up and down shouting and creating loads of noise, while the library staff just ignore them.
I fail to see why a quiet 10 year old reading a book for 3 hours would even attract their attention.
But maybe I'm just unfortunate with my local library which was modernised and lost something of it's calm community feel in the process Sad.

NKfell · 02/06/2015 14:23

I wouldn't see it as a problem and out of curiosity I had a look at my local library's website and it says in the children's section-

"As well as having books and computers, the library is a great place to meet your friends"

Again for this one it's under 8s who need accompanying.

When I was 10 I could have easily lost myself in a book at the library for 3 hours. Surely we all know time moves differently when you're reading...2 minutes passes and you look at the clock and it says 2 hours has passed!

amicissimma · 02/06/2015 14:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
LoveandPeaceGonk · 02/06/2015 15:44

Nipped out and am reading through more replies - thank you all.

Ahbollicks - My first post clearly states it will be 3 hours one afternoon or morning a week (depending on rota).

To the poster who said it was a strange part time job being only 30 mins from home and only 3 hours a week: actually, it's a full day (which DH will cover) plus 3 hours on another day.

OP posts:
Original poster
LoveandPeaceGonk · 02/06/2015 15:58

RiverTam - thank you for your lovely comments. I am thrilled to get this job after a long period of being a SAHM and a spell of ill-health. It's a lovely job with prospects and my bookish DD is delighted for me Smile

OP posts:
DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 02/06/2015 16:02

Do you have a plan if she doesn't want to go/ off colour or the library is closed?

motherwithheadache · 02/06/2015 16:05

well, because of some of the responses it's why I rather leave left my children at home.

SillyStuffBiting · 02/06/2015 16:11

I'd check the library opening times as they can be pretty random.

Why not just phone them to run your plans past them?

CoogerAndDark · 02/06/2015 16:16

Random opening times? Grin

Only if it's a volunteer run service and even then they're pretty reliable.

Original poster
LoveandPeaceGonk · 02/06/2015 16:16

Dame - she's looking forward to going (have decided to let her after reading responses on this thread). If she's off colour then DH will, like any parent without family support nearby, have to take time off work.

OP posts:
nokidshere · 02/06/2015 16:18

What a bizarre thread Confused

I spent many happy hours In the library as a child alone or with friends. My own boys aren't much of readers right now but I used to happily drop them at the pool from the age of 8 whilst I went shopping! They would spend hours and hours there!

No difference as far as I can see whether you are dropping them at the library, the pool, or the park!

CoogerAndDark · 02/06/2015 16:27

Hope she has a great time. Good, controlled bit of independence for her doing something she likes. Smile

SillyStuffBiting · 02/06/2015 16:29

Random as in not 9 to 5. For example my old branch, as most, was allocated a number of hours relating to it's size and town size. This meant we closed on a wed, 10 to 1 then 2 to 5 Mon and Tues, 2 to 8 thursday, 10 -1 then 2-5 Friday and 10-1 on a Saturday.

Others in the county only opened afternoons and others had different variations depending on funding. Not related to volunteers.

Surely you know things like this?

Only large city branches were full time with late opening.

My point being op would be best checking that out before assuming that the library is an alternative to childcare.

Op you've had a range of opinions here but most with actual experience of working in branches where yhis happens have explained the issues it causes and the concern it causes staff. I think you are very selfish to ignore that abd potentially put everyone, dd included, in an uncomfortable position without at least checking out alternatives.

As a working parent you need to arrange reliable abd suitable childcare for the times you are at work. Kids just have to accept that.

CoogerAndDark · 02/06/2015 16:32

I'd assumed OP had checked the opening times in order to consider the library as a venue, SillyStuff.

Corygal · 02/06/2015 16:33

It would really annoy me if I were the librarian - no doubt sick to back teeth of other people's dumped children - but I think DD will be fine.

She might love it, and she'll certainly get a lot done.

Corygal · 02/06/2015 16:35

Oh, and have a great time with your new job - best of luck.

PuppyMonkey · 02/06/2015 16:36

This has been a great thread - better even than a "nicking all the food from a hotel breakfast buffet" one.Grin

chaletdays · 02/06/2015 16:36

There's a big difference between a couple of noisy children being left in the library, annoying other users and getting under the staff's feet, and a quiet booklover sitting in the library reading for a few hours while her mum is at work.
If the mum left her at home but allowed her to walk down to the nearby library and café if she preferred to pass the time there than sitting at home on her own, would you still say the mum was using the library for childcare?

nokidshere · 02/06/2015 16:39

It's a library - anyone over the age of 10 (seems to be the accepted age) has a right to be there doing whatever they want exactly the same as every other member of the public. And to be treated the same as everyone else (asked to leave if causing disruption etc) I don't see what the problem is? No-one is being asked to do anything in relation to said child? She is simply another customer using the services provided

nokidshere · 02/06/2015 16:40

When my children go shopping alone I don't expect the store manager to be responsible for them!

Viviennemary · 02/06/2015 16:43

YABU for the simple fact that you are using the library and the library assistants as a baby sitting service. Just pay for a childminder or leave her at home or make an arrangement with a friend. And others have said what if she disappears. Is that the library's fault for not looking after her.