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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be furious and devastated

77 replies

LuckyLeo28 · 02/06/2015 09:53

That I found out via Facebook that my brother and his wife are expecting another baby!
They told my parents and sister prior to posting it (you can tell by their comments) but have said nothing to me, if it wasn't for my husband having a look through Facebook I still wouldn't know (I'm no longer on Facebook).
I'm so upset, we have never had a close relationship and have quite a few falling outs but we are on good terms at the moment (well I thought we were).
I'm devastated!

OP posts:

ghostyslovesheep · 02/06/2015 09:55

seriously

flora717 · 02/06/2015 09:56

Congratulate them and detach from facebook. I know I wouldn't share news with family first, not everyone has that sense of obligation.

Handsupbabyhandsup · 02/06/2015 09:56

I understand I found out my brother got married on fb. It was a year ago and I'm still not over it!

Fevertree · 02/06/2015 09:56

Devastated, Really?!

Fudgeface123 · 02/06/2015 09:58

we have never had a close relationship

Surely that's why they haven't told you?

Only1scoop · 02/06/2015 09:58

Furious

echt · 02/06/2015 10:02

I think your second paragraph says it all, and I'm not being chippy. "Good terms" is not close.

If it helps, my DB got married, as did his daughter without telling me. No arguments, no history. I'm not on Facebook, so found it out in a roundabout way. I'm on the other side of the world, so could not have attended, but would have loved to chip in and send the appropriate.

To get back to your situation, they may be at different stages in their assessment of your relationship. Or really really think Facebook is an acceptable form of communication to all. I would suck it up and take the charitable view.

ItsTricky · 02/06/2015 10:02

If you're on good terms at the moment it does sound odd that they didn't tell you before posting it on Facebook.

Maybe your 'good terms' is a bit different to how they see your relationship.

Chin up, op. People are strange sometimes, even those we think we know well.

AuntyMag10 · 02/06/2015 10:03

But you have had a few falling outs and not close, I can't see why you are surprised.

EducateTogetheralumnus · 02/06/2015 10:05

selfish much?

Hate to break it to you OP, but its not actually all about you.

WorraLiberty · 02/06/2015 10:05

That wasn't what I was expecting after reading the thread title. I honestly thought you'd received devastating news.

It's a bit shit but if you're not close, perhaps they just forgot to tell you or there was a mix up and one thought the other had mentioned it.

sadwidow28 · 02/06/2015 10:09

Last Sunday when I phoned my Mum, I found out that my niece had given birth 2 weeks ago. I asked why she didn't tell me (I live at a distance) but she said that even she didn't know that my niece was pregnant. Had a chat with SIL to pass on congratulations and asked, how come nobody knew? "She put it on Facebook" was the answer.

Ah well, I should have expected it - I walked into a family party 2 years ago and the same niece was nursing a 4 week old little girl whose birth had been announced on Facebook.

I think it is a generational thing!

ItsTricky · 02/06/2015 10:10

Something similar happened to me. It wasn't posted on Facebook as it was before Facebook's time, but I found out rather late into a pregnancy that a close family member was pregnant. Like you, we weren't very close but did have a relationship of sorts, we were all very busy, working and young kids, so it was on and off. It signalled the death knell for the relationship really, we kept it going for a while but I never felt like a proper part of their life after that.

CatsCantTwerk · 02/06/2015 10:16

Furious and devastated? Really?

viva100 · 02/06/2015 10:19

Seriously? Yabu. And as to Facebook - most people (including my parents and older relatives) think that it's a perfectly appropiate way to announce stuff and use it for that. We announced our engagement on Facebook (we did call our parents first). Some called us to congratulate us and some sent messages on Facebook. Who has the time to start calling all their relatives and friends? My engagement or future pregancy etc isn't about my aunt/uncle/nieces etc, it's a significant moment in my life, not theirs so I'll announce it in any way that I want and is convenient for me. And only on MN people get all wound up about wanting to find out stuff before everyone else.
You and your brother aren't even close.

pettywitchinlondon · 02/06/2015 10:20

Do people still use book face? Think my grandmum is still on there

SaucyJack · 02/06/2015 10:25

When did you last ring your brother just for a chat and a catch-up?

ActiviaYoghurt · 02/06/2015 10:28

Could it be that they thought that your Mum had told you? We tell my MIL news to cascade through the family.

NerrSnerr · 02/06/2015 10:33

I think you're over reacting. You're devastated?

ApeMan · 02/06/2015 10:35

Really? I wouldn't necessarily bother to tell my siblings about this until I spoke to them, and it would only go on twatbook because DW might want to post it. I hope I haven't mortally offended my sister without even realising it.

HazleNutt · 02/06/2015 10:40

Bit of an over-reaction, especially if you're not even that close.

usualsuspect333 · 02/06/2015 10:43

I would be mildly pissed off.

usualsuspect333 · 02/06/2015 10:45

Or a bit peeved.

BabyMurloc · 02/06/2015 10:46

Lots of people announce things on FB now as it's quicker, easier and faster. Sometimes just a call to parents then FB. I have found out about several births/engagements etc through FB. I rarely use it myself but keep all close friends and family on it then scan through every few days looking for this kind of stuff. I can see why it's easier.

Back in the day both myself and my dad found out that my sister had got married when she signed a Christmas card with P.S. I am now married and have been for months the cheque you sent me is not in my married name please reissue it We got over it. Saved us sending a gift

ItsTricky · 02/06/2015 10:58

A lot of the replies say you are unreasonable, op. I guess it's hard to make an informed YANBU/YABU without more facts about your relationship with your brother. Relationships within families are incredibly complex and everyone has their own threshold at which they will/won't become upset by something that a family member says or does. Siblings in particular can hold onto resentments from childhood into adulthood and use situations such as this to exert power over a sibling.

Does your brother have form for this, op?

Have you got children yet? If so, did you let them know personally?

Has your husband replied to the Facebook post?

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