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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be furious and devastated

77 replies

LuckyLeo28 · 02/06/2015 09:53

That I found out via Facebook that my brother and his wife are expecting another baby!
They told my parents and sister prior to posting it (you can tell by their comments) but have said nothing to me, if it wasn't for my husband having a look through Facebook I still wouldn't know (I'm no longer on Facebook).
I'm so upset, we have never had a close relationship and have quite a few falling outs but we are on good terms at the moment (well I thought we were).
I'm devastated!

OP posts:

AlbinoLadybird · 02/06/2015 10:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

KoalaDownUnder · 02/06/2015 11:03

Why are people on here so often 'raging' and 'furious' over such minor things? Jeez.

Strawberryshakes · 02/06/2015 11:10

My mum found out that my brother was having a baby on Facebook because his girlfriend put it on there before any of us were told. She was really hurt and my mum and his girlfriend are no longer on speaking terms. I do think some things immediate family should be told first (if the relationship is good obviously).

Although I never announced my pregnancy on Facebook. I told a handful of close family and friends and that was that. The amount of people who were shocked that I hadn't stuck it on Facebook was unreal!

DragonWithAGirlTattoo · 02/06/2015 11:14

Furious and devasted?? really?

well I'm furious and devasted that your thread title doesnt make any reference to the actual thread..... (well except how you feel)

Todays world moves at a quick pace - and sadly you and your brother dont seem to be very close, and your relationship seems to be a more friend / acquaintance status

hiddenhome · 02/06/2015 11:46

Devastated eh?

You seriously need to get out more hunny

BigRedBall · 02/06/2015 11:50

But you're not close .

I don't mind finding things out on Facebook. What's the big deal?

MamaLazarou · 02/06/2015 11:55

YANBU, OP. That would really upset me, too.

AoifeBell · 02/06/2015 11:59

Furious? Maybe. Devastaed? Really..?

RiverTam · 02/06/2015 12:03

well, I think that confirms that you don't have as close a relationship as you thought. I can understand your upset if you though everything was better than it obviously is, that must be very difficult if you've had a bad relationship in the past but have worked on it and thought it had improved.

Don't really know what to suggest, though. How's your relationship with your parents?

MissDemelzaCarne · 02/06/2015 12:09

I don't know why you're 'furious' or 'devastated'? Unless you have some personal circumstances that could have a pregnancy announcement difficult for you.

LadyCuntingtonThe3rd · 02/06/2015 12:17

angelos02 · 02/06/2015 12:28

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest. And I have a good relationship with my DB. I have my own life. He has his.

PtolemysNeedle · 02/06/2015 12:30

You are over reacting.

Wait until you actually have something to be devastated over, and then cringe and your current reaction.

angelos02 · 02/06/2015 12:33

Wait until you actually have something to be devastated over, and then cringe and your current reaction

This.

QuiteLikely5 · 02/06/2015 12:33

I can see why you are hurt but you need to accept that not being close means that you don't get the info that those who are close do.

Your response indicates that there is underlying issues regarding you all. I suspect eating you up inside.

I can tell you now your emotions are wasted.

Let it go.

yearofthegoat · 02/06/2015 12:33

Have you picked up the phone to congratulate him OP?

cuntycowfacemonkey · 02/06/2015 12:33

It's sad because I guess it's a reminder that you and your brother aren't close. You shouldn't be furious though and any over reaction will just make your relationship even more distant. Congratulate them and say nothing more

BaronessEllaSaturday · 02/06/2015 12:37

Any news like that in my family is told to my mother who then lets everyone else know, I'm surprised that your mother hadn't mentioned this to you either since she was aware.

FarFromAnyRoad · 02/06/2015 12:47

Why are people on here so often 'raging' and 'furious' over such minor things? Jeez.

This.

And shaking. People are always furious and shaking. I've never shook when I've been furious and I don't think I've ever seen someone shake - when they've got the screaming DTs maybe, but not from fury!

LadyTmalia · 02/06/2015 12:57

I found out my grandfather had died over facebook, Dont think it can get much worse than that :D I was pretty hopping!

Summerisle1 · 02/06/2015 12:57

I can only assume that your use of the word "devastated" was ironical. Otherwise I can only suggest that devastation has yet to intrude in your life in any real sense.

Would I be delighted to discover this on FB rather than being told before the rest of the world? Probably not. But then if I didn't get on with my sibling I'd probably shrug and get over it. Just send congratulations.

DoJo · 02/06/2015 13:00

Disappointed, I could understand, as a representation of how this has thrown a light on the lack of closeness between you and your brother. If this has made you realise that your relationship with him isn't what you want it to be, then let it encourage you to make more of an effort with him and build a relationship where you would be on his 'people to call' list with news like this.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 02/06/2015 13:08

Ynbu. It's an element of oh weren't we good enough to be told your news.
My dd her friends mum was having a baby a while back and friend stayed over never told my dd but yet all their other friends knew. Sounds childish but yes I was s tad peeved. A tad dramatic or rather very dramatic but I am dramatic and as my long departed sadly missed amazing nan used to say "Ghost, you should be on the stage".! Anyway, Like I said was my dd not good enough to be told. I never even bothered congratulating the mother, or never showed one iota of interest in her pregnancy. All the mums would be there asking to feel the baby kick and I'd just be there flat faced. I must have looked like one of those women who dislikes babies and pregnant women.Good knows what she thought me and dd we're going to do with her news. Sell her story to the DM. I mean it's really world wide news potential isn't it. Women is pregnant!
So yes it does hurt when you're the last to know. And worse when you find out through the grape vine
I agree though about coming off face book. All it does is cause upset and hurt. It's just a place for people to rub salt in the wounds.

wannaBe · 02/06/2015 13:31

Think the op is getting an unnecessarily hard time on here. Of course furious and devastated seem to be ott language to use, but putting news on fb makes a very clear statement, especially when e.g. your mother and other sibling have been told and you haven't. Even if you don't have a particularly close relationship it still makes a very clear statement about how unimportant you are compared to the rest of the family iyswim, and that would be hurtful regardless of how close things are....

And if someone is not of the fb mindset then it's very difficult to understand why people would choose it as a medium to announce their news, and yes, it can be a bit of a minefield.

Conversely though sometimes it's impossible to be able to know what you can put on fb and what is going to upset people. Me and dp got engaged a few weeks ago. We told important friends and family first to avoid them reading about it on fb. and I knew without a doubt that my mum would have been upset if she'd found out it was on fb first. But there was also one family member we didn't tell because we knew she would put it on fb before we did. So, we covered all bases or so we thought.

And then I got a call from my mum upset that my sister had told her I'd put a picture of my ring on fb and she hadn't seen it. A ring....... And the family member we thought would be accepting of our news on fb given this is how she delivers news (including the first baby pictures of someone else's baby) didn't even congratulate us. So yeah, it's impossible to know sometimes.... and there's not always a right or wrong answer....

I personally think that putting the news of a death is crass rather than telling family in person, similarly a birth, but the rest is open to interpretation and personal preference IMO.

SunnyBaudelaire · 02/06/2015 13:32

please do not be 'devastated' you already said that you do not have a close relationship!

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