To want to kill my dh !

[ginorwine]

Sometimes I think he's great . Good provider. Calm . Kind .
Other times I just can't bear hearing him breathe ! Feel like can't abide . Hate sharing same bed.
Is this b u or normal ?!!

Oh Thank God! I am not alone!!
DH does all of the above and more.
My current irritation is the eating of EVERY thing in the biscuit/cake cupboard and then denying it even though I know I didn't eat it and DD can't reach the cupboard. He blames DSS and DSS blames him. I have put a post-it note on the cake I bought today that reads "Don't even think about it"
And crumbs - how feckin hard is it to clean up after you make a sandwich, really??

trouble - I just read that out to my DH and his response was:
At least he tries! He can't help being a twat, at least his heart's in the right place!

Rum - my friends and family know to never attempt to load my dishwasher as they know I'll just rearrange it again. My husband loads it in a similar fashion to your photo...and I end up having to handwash all the cups and glasses that end up with hard baked mica-looking scum all over the insides.

Jam - my husband is like that. Our old cat got to the point that my husband had only to inhale sharply and he'd awaken from a deep slumber and streak through the house and out of the cat flap (the cat, not my husband). Sometimes it wasn't even the precursor to a sneeze but my cat wasn't taking any chances.

My husband also snores like several pigs having a gang bang but luckily I am able to kick him out regularly into the spare room. He has woken my kids on more than one occasion - who have woken up crying because of the terrifying monster they'd heard!!

Reading through all of this, I have to marvel that I have managed to survive (or rather DH has!) 16 years of this without committing murder. I think I should be sainted at the very least!

"that is why every man should have a shed...as far away from the house as possible so they can take their fucking inappropriate breathing elsewhere."

at "inappropriate breathing".

What is it with snorers falling asleep so fast!? They always fall asleep before me

Mine undresses, leaves his dirty clothes on the floor and walks past the bloody laundry basket to get into bed. He then moans if he has no clean clothes/ I finally snap after getting tangled in a pair of mucky pants and throw his clothes in the bin. Use the effing laundry basket!!!!

He is also the messiest person alive but has periodic strops about the state of the house. PUT THINGS AWAY THEN!!!

But he is a lovely bloke, puts up with all my hormonal outburts and is a great daddy so I'll just count to 10 for now...

Hmmm not sure if this counts.... but DP once went swimming on the local beach ...saw him swimming into the red flag area FFS -looked again and he seemed to have disappeared. I was trying to spot him without making the DCs know I was getting slightly concerned ...when the thought struck me...actually it might be not be all that bad...
(he actually gone back into the safe bit and was hidden by the sensible paddlers ....so I might see you all in jail after all)

Mine has to shit 3 times every morning! You wouldn't believe how early DD and I have to get up so we're not late for school!

Unlucky

Paddy pants mine leaves his dirty pants and socks on the floor at his side of the bed. Right next to the laundry basket! 18 years I've been putting up with this. I ask myself why? He makes inappropriate breathing noises whilst drinking tea. He's been warned! He works away, only home 2-3 nights a week. I love sleeping alone well with the cat (more cats can be placed on the bed according to weather conditions). Sometimes he says I miss you so much when I'm away I sleep on my side and wrap my arm around a pillow to pretend it's you. Do you do that? Er no I'm in the middle of the bed starfish style!

Mine eats an apple every evening in the manner of a ravenous beast with accentuated crunching and slobbering noises while I'm watching TV.

I also refuse to share a duvet with him due to unearthly night time flatulence. I love having my own cosy bedding.

Oh ! Night time flactuence. Like sleeping next to a rotting rat . Once , woken by snoring I actually retched.

SonceyD0g I fear my/ our DH may be a bigamist. My DH also works away...

Right I'm off to bed. Assuming I don't trip over the ever growing pile of dirty clothes and break my neck...

I have a broken hand with fingers full of wires so I decided I should take myself off to fidget, grumble and not sleep on my own and not disturb the husband.
This was a most excellent plan until he came through with a coffee and woke me up by...sitting on my hand.
The noise that came out of me caused him to leap up and manage to throw said coffee over me just in case I wasn't properly awake.
Unfortunately I was too busy with an impromptu vomit to kill him then and there and I will be back in hospital having another surgery to re-fix everything to kill him later.

The bloody clumsy sod. And he snores as well so I don't think I'd ever see the inside of a prison. I'll gladly smuggle you all a file in a cake.

"Darling, have you seen my tie/shoes/any fucking item?"

"Well, "darling" if you fucking put anything away, ever, you'd know where the fuck they were!"

Yes darling, I love you too. Fucker.

Anyone care to explain to me why a grown adult would put empty juice cartons back in the fridge?

So they don't have to rinse it out for the recycling which they still don't put the right things in after 11 years of separate collections

RumApple

I see that sight approximately once a week! I even have the same crockery and a slimline dishwasher.

I'll be your alibi if you'll be mine?

RumApple Am loving the dishwasher photo. That's cheered up my evening no end

...snores, loudly...

Paddy pants does he have to use every kitchen utensil whilst making a meal? After cooking meal then says well I cooked you tidy up. Seriously I could have cooked the meal, eaten it and cleaned the whole kitchen in the time it takes me to clear up after he has cooked!
He's away tonight the route to bed is clear!
On a Monday morning once he has gone any clothes are thrown in his wardrobe. Last Friday he came home and said you put dirty socks in my cupboard it's made all my shirts smell. Oh sorry thought you would have put them in the laundry basket if they were dirty. I live in hope

Mine empties HALF OF THE FECKING DISHWASHER!

Who does that?

Then he closes it, I fill it with dirty plates and cups and he comes in and says ,' I only emptied half of it.'

Drives me bonkers!

And can he find anything? No. He cannot.

Mine is adept at opening cupboard doors, not so much at closing them. The kitchen regularly looks like it's been raided.

Mine leaves our en suite smelling like a sewer just before I go in and use it before bed. He's disgusting , I would love my own bathroom and bedroom

The inability to close any door or drawer what is that about? Thought I'd solved it by getting self closing kitchen units but no he has just moved on to the external doors! Er anyone seen the dogs today? The front door is open AGAIN!

My missus leaves shoes next to the coffee table so that i trip over them whenever i walk through the living room.... Drives me mental, I think i make up for it by hugging her far more often than is reasonable during the night.

night-time flatuence - he works early shift so is always in bed asleep when I go to bed...some nights I can't describe the stench when I open the door to our bedroom - particularly when he was on a healthy eating phase which involved eating lots of homemade lentil soup...I have been know to fling the window wide open and wait 5 mins before trying again.
But worse me getting into bed must disturb him slightly - so often on his side with his bottom facing me just as I lift the duvet to get in lets off a welcoming trump...
(And don't start me on the dishwasher....)