To think there are a lot of misconceptions about terminating a pregnancy

[fiveacres]

Obviously, about abortion, which is a contentious issue for some.

I am approaching the third due date of the pregnancy I terminated in the autumn of 2011 at 9 weeks.

I was a very pious sort once, who believed that abortions were morally wrong. i admit that freely. I still do feel that the best option is not to be in that position in the first place.

However, although I do sometimes think about it, I don't regret it. I've been pregnant twice since so it hasn't affected my fertility.

I paid privately. I did not have any counselling - I was undecided when I went for the initial appointment but I have to say it was very much 'assumed' that I wanted to terminate. The record of the abortion is not in my medical file.

You don't have to give a reason, although they did press me to have the implant, which I refused. They did do a scan, which was a bit upsetting.

It did not hurt. I was warned I would bleed a lot but I didn't. My periods came back in 6 weeks.

You are in a room with a LOT of other women after the procedure, which is upsetting.

Other than that, I felt good after having it done, relieved, happy, mainly relieved.

I do have the odd flash of guilt. I wouldn't do it again.

But, I was reading another thread and it crossed my mind a lot of people do not really seem to know what having a termination is like. My experience may be typical or it may not be, I don't know, but it would be interesting to see what the experiences of others are to try to dispel or to address some of the myths that surround this difficult but sometimes necessary issue.

I can't speak for anyone else Writer but I'm really sorry if what I said made you feel judged or that there's something 'wrong' in the way you feel about your termination. That absolutely wasn't my intention.

It's something that's very personal and you feel how you feel. There's no right or wrong way to feel about it .

Agree that there are very different scenarios, and wannabe I'm not shocked you felt the way you did; people were bloody awful to you! If I was ostracised for my decision id feel crap too! If you were supported and listened to properly you may well have felt a bit differently about the whole thing.

I wish it was more acceptable to talk about openly.

I believe in abortion on demand, as late as necessary.

five you put it much better than me!

"This thread is for women to talk about their non-regret abortions so it don't think it's the place for me or the other women who haven't come to terms with our terminations to linger and participate in."

I honestly don't think it is. And with respect, you do seem to be ignoring the many posts saying that however people feel is fine, and that people's feelings are on a spectrum from no regrets to many- regardless of the fact that the abortion was the right thing for them at the time. And the many acknowledging that you were voiceless- and suggesting that there are ways for you to work through your comped feelings even 16 years on......

Writer you are not alone in your feelings and I think you have made some very valid points. This thread almost seems specifically aimed at people who didn't feel any guilt or regret so it is going to be swayed that way whereas I think if it was more of a general 'how did you feel about your abortion' you would have found more people feeling like you. I think counselling is definitely something you should look into. As someone earlier said, it's never too late and it can help.

At the very heart of the pro-choice stance, is choice.

Every woman must be able to choose to have an abortion, or to choose to go ahead with the pregnancy.

If she isn't able to freely choose, then it's never going to be an easy decision, either way.

The people who've come onto this thread, like myself, to agree with the OP, freely chose to have an abortion, and so they rightly feel at peace with their decision. Clearly this doesn't apply to someone who had their right to choose taken away from them, and instead be coerced into something they didn't want to do.

The message in the OP though, is an important one - it applies to the millions and millions and millions of women who've chosen to have an abortion, but who don't get an opportunity to be open and and honest about it; who instead are routinely silenced.

Writer (and others) you seem to have a serious problem with the fact that SOME people are not terribly upset by having an abortion. NOBODY has remotely implied that this is the case for everyone, but you are trying to shut them down from talking about their own experiences.
I'm sorry that you're upset by it, but it isn't ok to tell other women they can't talk about their real experiences and emotions because you think they are trying to make you feel bad. Nobody is.

Over and over and over again people have said that there are a whole range of possible after-effects from abortion, and these include the lesser talked about women who don't feel terrible. And as usual they are being shut down with unfair comments misrepresenting their points. It isn't fair, and you have to accept that ALL experiences and feelings are equally possible and valid.

No winter that's not true at ALL

Upthread I commented that I got very little understanding from people around me when I struggled with my abortion, as the prevailing view among those people who knew about it was that abortion is a simple procedure which women should get over quickly with no guilt, and I said there should be more understanding for the range of reactions, whether that is relief and no guilt, or whether it is ongoing grief and sadness.

You then commented basically saying that what I had said was not true and I was being oversensitive or imagining it.

I fully accept a range of emotions and reactions (obviously, we are all different) and said I think it should be made clearer that there is a range of reactions, but you tried to shut me down for my reaction. Nice.

And I actually don't accept that "women who don't feel terrible" is lesser talked about these days. Many many women openly state they don't feel terrible about it.

Without any of your false emotional drivel Bumbley, can you express just why it matters to you so much? If you live the little babies so much why not have a few more yourself? Why does it affect you so deeply what other women choose to do?

*love, not live. Chubby fingers!

i think that the important thing to remember is that if you feel sad and regretful that does not mean it was the wrong decision. It just means that it was a decision that you wish you hadn't had to make, and for many people an abortion is the least worst option. And that's fine. Lots of decisions are like that.

It's also important to remember that having a baby you don't want can be utterly disastrous- both for mother and baby. The choice is not between having an abortion and living happily ever after with a lovely smiley baby in a cottage with roses round the door. That's not how crisis pregnancies work out.

Yellowbird1 that is a totally inaccurate representation of what Winter said to you.

"You then commented basically saying that what I had said was not true and I was being oversensitive or imagining it. "

No she didn't. Really she didn't. Go back and look.

Winter:"Thats simply not true at all, NOBODY says that."

Looks like you need to go back and re-read as well, bumbley, instead of selectively quoting out of context.

"You then commented basically saying that what I had said was not true"

"Thats simply not true at all, NOBODY says that."

I can see why Yellow said that.

You need to read a bit further to the actual posts, not Yellow's précis of them. I know it fits your narrative of "pro-choicers are all heartless monsters", but really in this instance it's inaccurate.

That selective quote misrepresents my point, as others have said.

I, and others, have said over and over and over again that ALL responses and feelings and outcomes are equally possible and valid. This is obvious to anyone, we are all individuals and we are bound to respond in a million different ways.
Fighting against the myth that all women are destroyed by having a termination does nothing to invalidate the experiences of those who are very upset or more by the experience. We're calling for all experiences to be seen as equally valid. And for the end of the appropriation of our experiences by people who want to use them for their own purposes.

If you lived in a country that not only makes abortion illegal but also allows massive billboards on the street telling women they will ruin their lives by travelling abroad to have one, you might easier understand how important this issue is.

Again, for clarity: all womens experiences are equally valid, and are really of no business to anyone else, unless they want to share them.

George - you think you're in a position to accuse me of misinterpreting/misunderstanding someone when you accuse me of thinking that "pro-choicers are all heartless monsters"

Yeah, really hilarious.

It made me smile.

but personally what actually upsets me is many pro choice people trying to push the narrative that abortion is completely inconsequential, a simple procedure, nothing to worry about at all and with no emotional repercussions

Thats simply not true at all, NOBODY says that. What you're hearing is people pushing back against the narrative that they have to be guilty wrecks. You're vastly over-stating and I think you know that

For information- this is the exchange between winter and yellow that is being discussed. Yellow's words are bold, winter's are italics. It is obvious when taken in context that the exchange is about a public narrative, not about a personal experience.

Seeing as I quoted from it, I am aware of what was written and I can see where yellow and writer are coming from.