AIBU to think Sexism cannot directly be compared to Racism

[Mengog]

Last week a female friend was getting ready for a night out. She was taking an age and I said "Typical Woman, never ready on time".

She took offence to this. Commenting that if woman was replaced by black person then it would be unacceptable.

My argument with her was Racism and Sexism cannot be directly compared. I said it's okay to have female only toilets, hospital ward, gyms at certain times, charity events, even music festivals etc etc. Female only spaces are seen as important.

However, the idea of having toilets only for black people, gyms times for black people or large national charity events were black people were only allowed to take part in would make people uncomfortable.

AIBU to think to directly compare racism to sexism in the way she did is simplistic and inaccurate.

What your friend said was absolutely right. Racism is generally taken much more seriously than sexism in our society. They are exactly the same as far as I'm concerned - lazy stereotyping and discrimination. There are good reasons for women-only spaces, no good reason at all for white people only spaces or black people only spaces.

Yes, yabu.

Also, your point about female only spaces vs there not being black only spaces is ridiculous.

YABU

Just because the way two groups of people are treated in society isn't exactly the same, doesn't mean that discriminating against either of them is not equally abhorrent.

YABU. It's true that we segregate people by sex and not by race but as Lotta said there's a good reason for that. In all other respects sexism and racism are the same beast - narrow minded stereotyping that holds a particular group back. The fact that you, as a man, see fit to tell a woman about how she should view a problem that affects her and not you says to me that you're a sexist, at least to some extent. Would you tell a black person how they should think about problems related to skin colour? What makes you feel you have the authority to tell women things about their own lives?

There are differences and similarities but it bothers me when I see posts implying that racism isn't tolerated while sexism is. There's plenty of insidious racism that we don't tend to be aware of if we're not on the receiving end.

You're friend is right in what she's saying.

But is she always so serious?

If I made that comment to an actual friend of mine, I'd no doubt get an eye roll and a good natured "Piss off Worra".

They're both discriminatory and the Equality Act 2010 regards them as protected characteristics. YABU.

Your argument appears to be that sexism is OK because you are sexist and it's nothing like racism because you disapprove of racism.

Yes and No. You are right in saying they can't be directly compared because they are two very different things and have to be evaluated in different ways. But that is not to say one is any more or less important than the other, or that one is worse than the other.

Quite a lot of earnest discussion stemming from such an innocuous comment. Is this really evidence of sexism?

You're absolutely right OP, men's toilets aren't nearly as nice as women's toilets.

That was your point, right?

There's one major difference between sexism and racism: the vast majority of people are partnered with a person of the opposite sex, which means that there's a bridge between the sexes.

Conversely, many people live their entire lives without forming meaningful relationships outside of their race. Big problem.

YABU - but I remember a post on here likening supposedly humorous "no boys allowed" signs to racism where almost everyone disagreed with the OP. I agreed.

YANBU

Yabu. Both are things that cannot be changed yet are discriminated against as such they are as serious as one another.

YABU. And sexist.

You can compare in as much as it's discrimination.

Why do you think you said it OP, habit? Don't really think about what you say? Tend to use cliches?

I don't think what you said was sexist as such. Sounds like you were making a joke based on the stereotype that a lot of women take longer than men to get ready. Like many stereotypes there is some truth in it, in my experience many women (obviously not all) do take longer than men to get ready. I do, my mum did etc. Making a comment like you did may be offensive to your friend and that's fair enough and you may not want to make comments that she/others find offensive but making comments like this do not automatically mean you believe women are not your equal in my opinion.

And wouldn't be offended by it assuming you aren't sexist, in which case I might not be your friend in the first place.

They are both genetically defined, so in theory should be treated the same. However, there are male / female only spaces (e.g. changing rooms) which would obviously not be acceptable if it was transposed to black / white changing rooms for example. So while they are similar they can't be directly compared IMO, because society treats race and sex differently.
Doesn't justify offensive jokes about women though.

The problem I have with this discussion is that it seems to imply that women are white and black people are men. The fact is that many, many millions of people on the planet get the double whammy of both. I don't see any acknowledgment of that in the OPs argument.

YABU. You are disingenuously comparing forcefully segregated spaces, and positive single-gender spaces to 'prove' a very dubious point.

I can't stand this whole idea that some discrimination is worse than other discrimination. In fact that's one of the things that gets my goat about discrimination legislation. For example is protects religious belief and makes no provision for other kinds of belief. I'm an atheist and resent the implication that my preferences and world view are less important than those that have a religious framework.

Um. How did you think your post would be received on THIS website? The responses have been more sympathetic to you than I was expecting. If this thread is still on the front page this evening, I don't think you'll get such measured answers. You might be better posting on "Meathead Nutfuckers" instead.

Would you have said
"Typical black /asian person, never ready on time"?

Lazy stereotypes are damaging, I am not a typical anything I am just me. Accept me for who I am not the random characteristics you decide to lump on to my sex.