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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Restaurant AIBU

99 replies

RobbStarksBitch · 28/05/2015 22:56

I know this is going to sound petty and ridiculous and someone is going to ask why I can't just confront her but I felt like I needed to get this off of my chest.

Last night my DP and I went out for dinner with my sister and her new DP. All went well, fairly nice evening etc until it came to paying the bill.

The bill came to £80 so £40 per couple right? It was a buffet restaurant so cost each of us the exact same plus my sister and I both had the same drink as did our DP's so the bill should literally have been split down the middle. My DP pulls his wallet out and pulls some notes out which comes to £50. Sisters DP looks at what he has in his hand pulls £30 out of his own wallet and lays it down Hmm and my sister just sat and watched.

Who the actual fuck does that? DP and I were both to stunned to say anything and I was just really embarrassed to be honest. I felt like it really soured the evening.

Not to mention the fact we'd already bought a round of drinks before the meal.

So aibu to be pissed off? Again I know it sounds petty I just don't understand the thought process that went on in their heads!

OP posts:
DirectorOfBetter · 28/05/2015 22:58

Why didn't you say that the extra tenner was for the tip?

Fatmomma99 · 28/05/2015 22:59

"ok, so are you doing the tip?"

HORRIBLE when people are mean with sharing. It's why we teach our kids to do it.

Not surprised you feel like it soured the night.

Ask your sister tomorrow what she felt. Hope she dumps him!

YANBU

MagicMojito · 28/05/2015 23:00

No it doesn't sound petty. Yanbu at all. Cheeky fuckers Hmm

PenguinBollards · 28/05/2015 23:00

But surely in that situation your husband put £10 back in his wallet, puts £40 on the table and says '£40 each, yeah? That's right, isn't it?' or words to that effect?

It's easy to do quite casually and without seeming accusatory.

Marshy · 28/05/2015 23:00

Was all this pulling out of notes done in silence? I would have said 'so that's £40 pounds each then'. No confronting needed.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 28/05/2015 23:00

You should have said "Sorry, that extra £10 is our share of the tip..." leaving a heavy silence in the air.

If no more tip forthcoming, remove your notes and start again - £40... and wait. Then put the tip in. Meanness or unthinkingness... one or the other.

BluddyMoFo · 28/05/2015 23:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YellowYoYoYam · 28/05/2015 23:03

Yuck, that's really cheap of them. I would be annoyed and would have found it really cringey at the time too.

However, I would let it go this time and hope he was just having a panic due to not knowing you well and just stuck down the remainder. If it becomes a jabot, speak to your sister or make it clear that bills will be shared equally in a clear but polite way.

RunRunAsFastishAsYouCan · 28/05/2015 23:08

So you were expecting the other couple to put £50 down aswell and leave a £20 tip?
If someone put £50 down for an £80 bill I would sort of assume that's what they wanted to pay.
You should've just put £40 down then sorted the tip out after.

arethereanyleftatall · 28/05/2015 23:08

'Lol, no sorry, the extra ten is our share of the tip. Nice try!' Was all that was needed.
Tbf, some people just don't tip, so your sister and her dp may be equally confused, and thinking 'why did they pay ten for us?'

PenguinBollards · 28/05/2015 23:09

Maybe he thought that everyone was putting £20 in (if they haven't been together long then they don't have 'our' money the way a long-term couple do), and he though by putting down £20 + £10 tip he would look really generous ... but now he's mortified as he misunderstood the payment arrangements?

Original poster
RobbStarksBitch · 28/05/2015 23:09

The service charge had already been added by that point so we couldn't have made a tip comment and to be honest we were both just really shocked!

I have issues with my sister (baby of the family, bit bratty and spoiled at times) but I've never felt she was mean with money. She was 100% clear on what was happening as they both kind of pulled out money and contributed to their meal. I think he paid £20 and she paid £10 or something like that. Not that it matters obviously.

It was all just really awkward. First time out with this new guy socially (he works in association with the place my sister and I work) and I did really want to like him (he's quite a 'lad' very loud etc) for her sake. I didn't want to cause a row or anything and my DP would have happily paid the whole bill as a nice gesture but I told him not to because I feel it would make the next meal out together awkward in case they thought we expected them to pay.

Sorry I know I'm babbling I just feel like a bit of a twat tbh! Confused

OP posts:
riverboat1 · 28/05/2015 23:12

I kind of think YABU, or I am missing something. Why did he put £50 down if he didn't want to pay £50? If it's a buffet restaurant presumably he wasn't planning to leave a £10 tip on a £80 bill...

PenguinBollards · 28/05/2015 23:12

So if he put down £20 I assume he thought your sister would do the same for her share. Sounds like she's the tight-wad, not him.

Original poster
RobbStarksBitch · 28/05/2015 23:12

And sorry I should have made it clearer as to why my DP took £50 out.

He didn't intentionally take £50 out it was more of a shuffling money around trying to get the right notes etc. He hadn't actually put the £50 down, he had it in his hand. New guy and sister takes a look then put down £30 between them.

OP posts:
Pensfriends · 28/05/2015 23:13

If all of this has been done in silence it's possible they were just confused as to why you'd paid part of their bill. Or maybe they're just tight. Without a word, who knows?

fredfredgeorgejnr · 28/05/2015 23:13

Why would you put 50 quid down? What did you expect? A 20% tip is odd, and if I was in the reverse situation I'd be wondering why they were trying to "force" such a ludicrous tip on us.

So yes, they were odd to only put 30 in, but you were equally as odd to put in 50 really.

FadedRed · 28/05/2015 23:14

A ten pound tip for a £40 bill at a buffet restaurant?! Shock

riverboat1 · 28/05/2015 23:14

So why didn't he just put down £40 out of the £50 then?

fiveacres · 28/05/2015 23:14

I know, I am muddled with the £50, sorry.

I would understand if the share came to £30 and someone only had two twenties, but £50 makes little sense.

Original poster
RobbStarksBitch · 28/05/2015 23:15

I didn't think of it like that Penguin!

There seemed to be some sort of short money discussion between them before they put money down so I just assumed they knew full well what they were doing. Maybe I was wrong and she was just being an arse and expecting him not to take the £10 and pay for her.

OP posts:
PenguinBollards · 28/05/2015 23:17

It does sound like a misunderstanding due to what was seemingly a slightly awkward night out. If it had been anyone else (friends, a colleague, another family member) would you feel the same, or are you carrying forward the fact of your sister's 'brattiness'?

riverboat1 · 28/05/2015 23:19

So your DH took out £50 and this amount was observed in his hand by other couple. They then had a short quiet discussion before putting down £30. But why, in the meantime, didn't your DH just put down the £40 he'd been planning to pay and put the £10 back in his wallet?

I just can't picture this situation, sorry!

Allbymyselfagain · 28/05/2015 23:20

Sorry first you say your Sisters DP puts down 30 then you say he puts down 20 and she puts down 10. You say your DP pulled out notes but he was just getting the right ones he hadn't laid them on the table. But surely they wouldn't take so long that anyone else would have time to count what he had in his hand and then put theirs down.

Why not just put 40 down pick the lot up to count/ put on little bill plate and say sorry think you put down a 10 instead of a 20. Your blowing this out of all proportion. I hate meanness in people but actually youre being quite mean about your sister and her DP, shes a bit bratty, he's a "lad" whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean.

I would channel elsa and let it go on this occasion....

BluddyMoFo · 28/05/2015 23:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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