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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Restaurant AIBU

99 replies

RobbStarksBitch · 28/05/2015 22:56

I know this is going to sound petty and ridiculous and someone is going to ask why I can't just confront her but I felt like I needed to get this off of my chest.

Last night my DP and I went out for dinner with my sister and her new DP. All went well, fairly nice evening etc until it came to paying the bill.

The bill came to £80 so £40 per couple right? It was a buffet restaurant so cost each of us the exact same plus my sister and I both had the same drink as did our DP's so the bill should literally have been split down the middle. My DP pulls his wallet out and pulls some notes out which comes to £50. Sisters DP looks at what he has in his hand pulls £30 out of his own wallet and lays it down Hmm and my sister just sat and watched.

Who the actual fuck does that? DP and I were both to stunned to say anything and I was just really embarrassed to be honest. I felt like it really soured the evening.

Not to mention the fact we'd already bought a round of drinks before the meal.

So aibu to be pissed off? Again I know it sounds petty I just don't understand the thought process that went on in their heads!

OP posts:
Original poster
RobbStarksBitch · 28/05/2015 23:22

I think I would have felt genuinely awkward no matter who we were out with. We'd had a nice evening so it was just really odd.

My DP just pulls notes out of his wallet and sorts it out from there if that makes sense rather then flicking through his wallet. Which is how he ended up with too much cash out. In hindsight we should have just put down our share but we just kind of froze!

We both sound like utter idiots now I know. Maybe we just shouldn't go out Grin

OP posts:
Allbymyselfagain · 28/05/2015 23:23

And another cross post.... in your first post you say your sister just sat and watched, now you say in the time your DP counted out his share they had a little money conversation? Which is it?

BackforGood · 28/05/2015 23:26

I really can't understand, when the bill came, why - whoever picked it up and looked at it didn't say "It's £80 exactly, so everyone happy to call it £20 each/ £40 per couple ?"

Do people really look at the bill in silence when out with someone so close as their sister?
You seem to have blown this out of proportion a bit.

Original poster
RobbStarksBitch · 28/05/2015 23:26

Sorry I was trying to simplify the story in my first post which is why I said new guy put down the money but it obviously didn't work.

New guy clocks what's in my DPs hands, tells my sister they need to pay £30. She hands him £10 and then he puts that down.

I know it seems long winded but I swear it all happened extremely fast.

OP posts:
Original poster
RobbStarksBitch · 28/05/2015 23:28

We didn't sit in silence. New guys picks up the bill and says it's £80 which is when everyone gets wallets etc out and you know the rest.

Nobody declared how much per couple etc as I just assumed it was obvious!

OP posts:
moanybollocks · 28/05/2015 23:28

Yes doesn't make sense

Your DP shuffles notes, and rather than put £40 down, and put the tenner down, he puts all £50 down

Why?

Your dp confused it

moanybollocks · 28/05/2015 23:30

Sorry, put the £40 down and the tenner away

Different kettle of fish if all he had was one fifty pound note

DoJo · 28/05/2015 23:30

Sounds very odd - I think perhaps it was just a misunderstanding brought on by awkwardness given that you clearly felt awkward enough not to be clear about who was paying what and they were clearly taking their cue from you as to what they needed to pay. Did they look at the bill as well? Did nobody actually state a figure? It does sound like everyone got a bit flustered and British and nobody wanted to actually (god forbid!) talk about money!

DoJo · 28/05/2015 23:31

Plus, from the sounds of it, it was your sister being tight if she was the one who only paid a tenner, whereas in your OP it sounds like you are accusing her partner of being the one who underpaid.

snowglobemouse · 28/05/2015 23:33

I'd be a bit Hmm but wouldn't stew over it. life's too short!

Aermingers · 28/05/2015 23:34

YABU and it sounds like you were deliberately looking for something to complain about.

You're totally overreacting over what could be a very simple misunderstanding. Because your sister likes him enough to introduce him to her family you should give him the benefit of the doubt. If you've already written him off because of something so minor your sister would have every right to feel aggrieved.

And I think it's a bit off for you to criticise him for being tight when you've lost your rag over a tenner.

Koalafications · 28/05/2015 23:35

I don't think this is a case of 'AIBU'?

I think everyone has just got a bit confused. Your DH should have just put the £40 down after he had sorted his notes and then let them sort out their money issues.

Probably best to just let it go now as it's done.

PenguinBollards · 28/05/2015 23:36

Ok, this might sound silly, but maybe he's really bad with numbers/mental arithmetic, looked at the bill and, being a bit flustered due to a couple of drinks and trying to impress his new gf's sister/BIL, he got it completely wrong and thought £30 was the correct amount for half?

youareallbonkers · 28/05/2015 23:37

Too many inconsistencies, you sails he put down 30 but now say he put 20 and your sis put 10

Original poster
RobbStarksBitch · 28/05/2015 23:37

Sorry obviously I'm not explaining myself very well.

New guys picks up the bill and declares it's £80. So we all knew how much it had come to and how much we should be paying each.

DP pulls notes out of his wallet and ends up with £50 in his hand (unintentionally.)

New guys clocks this and tells my sister their share is £30 (which is why I initially sold it as him being tight)

Sister gives new guys £10, he adds £20 and puts it all down with the bill.

DP and I just kind of sit there stunned before he adds our £50 (admittedly stupid, gormless and whatever else. It's one of the moments you look back on and think why the hell did I do that?)

OP posts:
Koalafications · 28/05/2015 23:38

Why didn't you or your DH just say "No, sorry your share is £40, not £30"?

CeliaLytton · 28/05/2015 23:42

Sisters DP looks at what he has in his hand pulls £30 out of his own wallet and lays it down and my sister just sat and watched

YABU. You are looking for something to complain about. I believe it happened exactly as you said in your OP and your sister's DP understandably didn't want to leave a £10 tip so made up the cost according to what you had laid.

A simple 'you're a bit short there' said with a smile would have done.

Purplepoodle · 28/05/2015 23:43

Sounds like a genuine mistake on new guy part. Perhaps he assumed Dh was going to pay for the drinks? He saw £50 assumed that's what DH was paying and said £30. Next time just tell them how your splitting the bill.

BackforGood · 28/05/2015 23:44

Yes - I agree with Koala. Why didn't you or your dh say "Oh, I thought you said the bill was £80, so that's £40 per couple then"

sorted, without any embarrassment about new dp's inability to divide £80 by 2.

Original poster
RobbStarksBitch · 28/05/2015 23:45

How am I deliberately looking for something to complain about? Confused I've already said a could of times that we had a nice evening and I really wanted to like him.

Yes I said my sister can be a brat (because she can, it's the truth!) but I still love her and we get on really well most of the time. She's my little sister!

I know her new fella, he works closely with our place of work. I see him a couple of times a week this was just the first time I'd spent time with him outside of work. His job requires a certain persona which is where the 'lad' comment cake from. He's very loud, cocky and brash at work. A 'jack the lad'.

I don't see how my DP confused it at all. The bill was £80. That's £40 per couple. Surely they should have been sorting out their share rather then looking at us?

I haven't nor do I intend to say anything in real life. I just wanted a bit of a rant. Now I feel like an idiot.

OP posts:
CeliaLytton · 28/05/2015 23:48

What it comes down to is that your sister didn't pay her share. You and dp did (more than, inadvertently), your sister's dp did as he paid £20, she happily sat and paid £10. But in the OP you made it all out to be her dp's issue.

Let it go, it was a misunderstanding caused by you carrying too much cash Grin Next time make it clear what everyone owes and get the story straight from the beginning. We can handle the complexities, honestly.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 28/05/2015 23:51

It's fine to rant. Would you really though let this colour your relationship with your sister/her new man? You keep saying you "wanted to like him". It seems a bit of a knee jerk reaction to something that could have been very easily avoided. You don't know that he's mean, you do know that the meal was awkward and maybe it was for them too.

Set your stall out in advance next time... if there is one. Your partner caused quite a lot of the confusion/problem and you could have averted it, being family and therefore more comfortable. Try very hard too not to do any kind of 'lady bountiful' thing... ie. paying for drinks, do it properly - rounds and split bills - or stump up and shut up.

We live and learn.

youareallbonkers · 28/05/2015 23:52

How long have they been together? He's her partner and this is the first time you have met him outside work?

Why didn't your partner put the 10 away before they saw it? Why didnt you just say oh is it 60, I thought it said 80 ? None of it rings true

AmberSweet · 28/05/2015 23:54

Dear god only on mumsnet can we attack a person for over paying a bill!

The poor woman has tried to explain numerous time (messily I will admit) what happened and I genuinely don't see how anyone can have a go at her or say that she's looking for something to complain about. There is looking between the lines and creating your own back story entirely!

CultureSucksDownWords · 28/05/2015 23:56

The lesson here is to be clearer and firmer, and don't be terrified of putting someone straight (nicely).

It all sounds really odd and confusing, when it could have been sorted out instantly by simply saying "no, sorry, it's £40".

There's no need to bring the character of this new bloke into it, or what your sister is like. You let her or him, or both of them, get away with putting less in. Whether they were confused, or taking advantage is not relevant as you let it happen and continue.