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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Restaurant AIBU

99 replies

RobbStarksBitch · 28/05/2015 22:56

I know this is going to sound petty and ridiculous and someone is going to ask why I can't just confront her but I felt like I needed to get this off of my chest.

Last night my DP and I went out for dinner with my sister and her new DP. All went well, fairly nice evening etc until it came to paying the bill.

The bill came to £80 so £40 per couple right? It was a buffet restaurant so cost each of us the exact same plus my sister and I both had the same drink as did our DP's so the bill should literally have been split down the middle. My DP pulls his wallet out and pulls some notes out which comes to £50. Sisters DP looks at what he has in his hand pulls £30 out of his own wallet and lays it down Hmm and my sister just sat and watched.

Who the actual fuck does that? DP and I were both to stunned to say anything and I was just really embarrassed to be honest. I felt like it really soured the evening.

Not to mention the fact we'd already bought a round of drinks before the meal.

So aibu to be pissed off? Again I know it sounds petty I just don't understand the thought process that went on in their heads!

OP posts:
usualsuspect333 · 28/05/2015 23:57

It's only a tenner and she's your sister,so what.

It's not a big deal.

Original poster
RobbStarksBitch · 28/05/2015 23:58

They've been together a couple of months. Worked together (sort of) for about 6 months.

So I know him (well his persona, it's very hard to describe what I mean by that without giving it all away)

If I want to make something up I'm sure I could come up with something a lot more exciting then a tenner out on a bill. I'm a long time member/lurker. Penis beaker, Pom bears and fruit shoots, yoni massage, gluezilla, yada yada yada.

OP posts:
AcademicOwl · 29/05/2015 00:01

Erm, op, why don't you just talk to your sister about it? nothing to rant over - just tell her you thought it was all a bit weird & what did she think? etc, next time you catch up with a coffee...
That's what I'd do with my brother, tbh. Then I'd tease him mercilessly for not coughing up. But then that's family for you...
And, no, you're not an idiot for posting :)

youareallbonkers · 29/05/2015 00:05

My point was he is hardly her "dp" after 2 months

Original poster
RobbStarksBitch · 29/05/2015 00:07

Thank you Academic, although I certainly feel like one!

The reason I mentioned my relationship with my sister earlier (which I was then told was irrelevant) was to try and explain why I haven't just said something to her. I work with them as well so can't afford any awkwardness. And there would be awkwardness because I would feel embarrassed and she would get the hump with me. She's lovely most of the time but that's just the way she reacts to things.

OP posts:
Original poster
RobbStarksBitch · 29/05/2015 00:09

Youareallbonkers that's what she calls him and I'm hardly one to judge relationship time scales as I told my mum I was going to marry my dp after out first date. We're getting married in 8 weeks so I was pretty spot on ??

OP posts:
snowglobemouse · 29/05/2015 00:09

My point was he is hardly her "dp" after 2 months

what?

AcademicOwl · 29/05/2015 00:19

Ah! That makes sense (the not being able to talk about it). It's a shame, though, because it'd clear the air...
Does your DP have a view?
Otherwise, as it's not a reason to initiate WW3, I'd just forget about it if I were you.
(Or you could be cheeky and ask for an extra £10 contribution when you're next out together! But that doesn't work if you're not a teasing type and haven't mentioned it before, I guess Wink)

olgaga · 29/05/2015 00:36

Your DH - can he count? If so why did he put £50 down?

Sorry but the new BF might have assumed he was making a nice gesture (or flashing the cash). And why not? Your DH covered £50 of an £80 tab.

You BOTH need to learn to speak up for yourselves.

BettyCatKitten · 29/05/2015 00:43

I think they were very rude, they should've shared half the bill. I think this is the point you are trying to make.

HeyDuggee · 29/05/2015 05:59

If he is a bold brash type, he wasn't going to sink into his seat with humiliation and embarrassment had either of you simply corrected his "it's 30 pounds" comment. Sounds like both of you are a bit intimidated by his "outgoing" personality.

I could understand you being annoyed if he put down £15. But he paid same as you. For whatever reason, they both naturally assumed you were contributing to your sister's share and no one corrected them.

RettyPriddle · 29/05/2015 06:27

YANBU. The world is divided into those who overpay their share and tip in restaurants and those who get their calculators out and think it's worth paying £10 less to spoil the evening.

AlternativeTentacles · 29/05/2015 06:52

Crickey. Your husband should just have put his extra tenner back in his wallet.

He confused the issue by putting an extra tenner in the pot.

Aermingers · 29/05/2015 07:32

^Because of exactly what you just said Amber. You're saying, 'Oh it's just a bill, why is she being attacked'. But that's exactly what she's^ doing to him. It was a misunderstanding over a tenner and she's written him off over it.

ItsTricky · 29/05/2015 08:03

At the buffet restaurants I've been to, you pay as you go in.

OnIlkelyMoorBahtat · 29/05/2015 08:08

But I still don't understand why your DP didn't just say "no it's £40 each mate" when he saw the other guy had read the situation wrong, and put the extra tenner he'd inadvertently pulled out of his wallet back? I don't get why that would be embarrassing? Anyway, its really a storm in teacup, and as you say not worth get hetting up about now. Naturally, if your sister's fella does turn out to be a tightwad arsehat, do let us know!

Btw, just spotted your getting married in 8 weeks - congratulations and have a lovely day!

DownWithThisTypeOfThing · 29/05/2015 08:16

ItsTricky
At the buffet restaurants I've been to, you pay as you go in.

Never seen this. What'd be the point as they'd still need to bill you for drinks at the end wouldn't they?

OP, I'd have felt the same. I'm not sure it's anyone's "fault" rather than an awkward misunderstanding but my inner "tightwad radar" would be sensitive.

PtolemysNeedle · 29/05/2015 08:20

Your sister and her DP are cheeky feckers, there's no getting away from the fact that they were wrong here.

Unfortunately it's one of those things that needed to be dealt with at the time, your DP should have picked up the tenner for his change and said something at the time. It's no this fault though, he shouldn't have been put in that position in the first place.

LadyNym · 29/05/2015 08:25

I think you're getting an unfairly hard time in this thread, OP! I bet you wish you'd never started it!

TBH it sounds like a lot of awkwardness and misunderstanding. Sister's DP somehow misunderstood due to the money your DP had out, you and your DP felt too awkward to say anything. It's the sort of thing I dread when it comes to social occasions and one of the reasons I'm a bit of a recluse!

Just put it down to being too British to have a proper conversation about money, assume no malice was meant and try to forget about it.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 29/05/2015 08:26

I get you! The DP was being cheap by saying their share was less than £40, the sister was being cheap by putting in only £10 (who does that!? She obviously cost more than £10 with a meal and drinks) and your DP was shocked/embarrassed into just chucking in the extra £10.
Yes he should have corrected them and said their share was £40 (or you should have) but that doesn't negate the cheek of both of them.

ItsTricky · 29/05/2015 08:30

Yes there's a buffet restaurant in my town where you pay at the entrance for food and drinks. If you want more drinks you visit the bar. It's a massive place, I guess it just keeps the whole operation streamlined. We've been to buffet restaurants in the US where it's a similar set up.

Op. It all sounds very awkward. I think you needed to be upfront at the time. Simmering about it now won't do any good. If you go out with them again be on guard, take plenty of change and put down your exact amount only.

GloriousGoosebumps · 29/05/2015 08:33

It's interesting that you blame your sister's DP when your DP and your sister also contributed to the problem with the bill. The biggest problem seems to be that you are very "wary" of your sister and for that reason wouldn't speak up and ask for the extra £10. You just need to be more assertive in these situations.

TwinkieTwinkle · 29/05/2015 09:13

Ahhhhh, my opinion has changed several times when reading this thread. Ultimately I'm settling on the whole issue is not an AIBU. It was a misunderstanding. Your husband made a mistake, sister and partner made a mistake. No ones fault. It's the kind of thing where she could come on here asking:

'AIBU, my sister's partner got out £50 to pay for an £80 meal. We thought he was being generous and paying for the drinks but my sister is now annoyed and thinks we should have split the bill. Since the service charge was included (it was a buffet restaurant) we had thought it was just him being generous (first time meeting my new dp). I feel so embarrassed now.'

expatinscotland · 29/05/2015 09:16

Not sure why you didn't say something.

ttc2015 · 29/05/2015 09:24

They tried it on, you let them by not saying £40 each, you owe another tenner before putting your share down.

Next time both of you be ballsy and say 'no don't take the pies, we split it's.