AIBU to think that this man is lying to us?

[Chardonnay73]

Just got back from holiday abroad, AI type hotel, quite small, very friendly.

There was an amusement arcade which the ds' liked to go to after dinner every night, so dh and I would give then 5 euros each to spend.

On the last night, we only had 5 euro notes, so sent the ds (12 (ASD) & 8) to reception to change into coins (we were sitting in the restaurant 20 feet away and could see them from our table)

5 mins passed and they hadn't returned, no probs, there was usually a queue. Then ds1 comes running back in without his money. We ask why and it transpires that the receptionist had no change so sent the two boys over the road to a nearby hotel to get some!!!!

They had got to the other hotel, got all flustered as it was unfamiliar and came running back. I was SEETHING that the receptionist had sent two children out across a busy main road unattended to basically do his job for him.

Dh goes to reception to try to ascertain what had gone on, and the receptionist assures him that he accompanied the boys to the hotel to get the money. However, after careful questioning to each child, they both (independently) insisted he didn't go with them, they went on their own.

So either he is lying to us, or my children are, which I really don't think as DS1 is incapable to lying due to his ASD and very black and white view of the world.

We didnt do anything more at the time, it was 10pm and we had to be up early to fly home, but since we got home I've been thinking about it and its really narked me, a) that he would send 2 kids out of the hotel without their parents permission, and b) that he may have lied to my dh that he went with them.

WWYD? Dh says to leave it now we are home, but I feel it at least needs raising with the hotel that sending children out of the hotel and over the road without their parents knowledge is not acceptable and dangerous?

Someone always comes up with that old saw donemekmelarf
I was with a group of parents once when an older woman had a good old sneer along the same lines. Between the three of us current parents we came up with countless gropings, flashings, beatings up a borderline rape and an unexplained accident resulting in death from our own childhoods.

It's not an old fashioned saying.

It's the truth. We genuinely did used to be more independent when we were children. (and I'm not that old so it wasn't that long ago)
At the age of 10 I was more than capable of nipping to the shop for my parents, or going to see if a mate could come out to play. There were no 'play dates' and children being dropped off at their friends houses for a meal. You played round your friends, then they kicked you out and you went home to eat.

I feel sorry for children today, they are so monitored and stifled.
But maybe there is more danger now than there was then.

That should be, *children are now over-supervised and stifled.

(I loved the freedom of my childhood and would have hated to be a child today)

I didn't say it wasn't true donemek I pointed out that the consequences weren't all that great.
And that was without the traffic risks of today.

I agree with Seriously.

There wasn't more danger from other people, but the sexual assault of girls, flashing etc really was just thought of something that happens and not to be seriously addressed.

Conveniently, the majority of disabled children (including SN) were living in institutions, that's why elderly people can honestly say that "children like that" wasn't about in their day.

Children were very unprotected.

It is a surprise when a thread asks how many of us were victims of some sort of sex crime etc in the 60/70/early 80's.

Traffic and drug related crime is the only thing that has changed.

OP treat it as a incident that identified were more work was needed, my DD has LDs and it is surprising what they are and aren't capable of.

Before I had children, I wouldn't bat an eyelid at a 12 and 8 year old crossing a road together in the UK especially if it were not obvious that the older one had ASD.

Thanks birdsgotta it's a bugbear of mine, people moaning about the good old days when children were neglected and not supervised to be bullied by their peers and groped by adults.
OP I personally love it when plans go wrong with my dcs, they get through it and can use the experience to make better choices next time. The experiences change- mobile phones run out of charge or get lost, friends don't turn up, they get kicked off buses and friends houses but each time they have more experience to draw on.
It's all good learning Chardonnay!

I still think childhoods on the whole were better then.
Children are growing up to think there is danger around every corner. What kind of childhood is that? It's sad.

I don't think a reminisce about ye olde golden days of yore is especially helpful here.

The OP has said many times that her eldest DS has ASD. In that situation I would expect most DCs to check with their parents before heading across the road, the fact that they didn't suggests that yes he does have quite a black and white view of the world.

DS age 9 has started going to the shops with his pals age 11. It involves a half mile walk across a busy road. I must admit my biggest fear is how many fatty calories he manages to buy in the shop and scoff before he gets back, rather than abduction and being run over, but he has no SNs.

We cannot judge how the OP chooses to parent her DS as he doesn't operate in the same way as a typical 12 year old and I think she might be more au fait with what he can and can't do than we would be.

I don't recognize the danger around every corner. There's a happy medium between neglect and paranoia- teaching road safety and swimwear rules are examples and I don't think pretending that the days when children weren't adequately supervised were some sort of halcyon bliss when children never came to harm is very helpful.

I know donemekmelarf, it makes me bit sad that that we parents feel the need to keep our children so close. Like you, we disappeared off to the fields and chalk pits to play camps and only came back for meals. We were pretty much free range and that freedom seems impossible now

I know.

To get back to the OP's question.
It was unreasonable to expect the receptionist to supervise her children.
That's her job.

Done, OP has accepted she was BU or did you not read that?

You obviously missed the bit about ASD too otherwise I'm sure you wouldn't have made your comments about over supervised and stifled.

My 10 year old NT DC is quite capable of going to the shops and playing out unsupervised, my older DC with SN isn't...it's not so simple as ye olden days in these cases.

BUT WHERE DID HIS MONEY GO!?

Sorry...I asked earlier and nobody knows...OP says he came back without it.

No need to be rude just because someone has a difference of opinion

MrsNext,
Wrong thread?

donemekmelarf nope, the OP stated in her original post that her ds came back without his money. I'm wondering where it went as well!

Was that to me? It wasn't meant to be rude.

Your post was very unfair though as the OP in this case isn't mollycoddling her DC unlike the free range days of childhood of older people (including myself here!) - the older DC has autism and therefore the situation is different. She did put this in the OP too.

And she has accepted she was BU, quite graciously for AIBU

I was wondering about the money too Mrsnextdoor.

I may be paranoid but I'd rather they crossed alone than with a person they barely knew and overly trusted. I don't know if it changes for children with ASD but statistically the receptionist is a much bigger safeguarding risk than a stranger. Sorry to seem paranoid.

This thread is hilarious!

Me: 'AIBU?'

MNet: 'Yes'

Me: 'Ok then I was BU'

MNet : 'Yes you were BU'

Me: 'Ok, I can see I was BU'

MNet: 'Yes you were BU'

Me: 'Ok, I was BU, thanks for the perspective.'

MNet: 'You were Being Unreasonable'

Me: 'Yes, I hear you, thanks for pointing out I was BU'

MNet: 'In answer to your OP - you were BU'

ad infinitum

I feel like shouting a la Ross WE WERE ON A BREAK YES I WAS BEING UNREASONABLE!!!!!

As regards the missing money, dh went to the hotel to get it and it was still there on the counter where DS1 had left it in a panic!

Guess I popped my first AIBU then

Look Chardonnay people come here for a bunfight and if you're going to be all miss reasonable about it well there's no place for your type in AIBU

Lol!!

Aw Op you're spoiling their fun .......