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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to think that this man is lying to us?

132 replies

Chardonnay73 · 26/05/2015 10:03

Just got back from holiday abroad, AI type hotel, quite small, very friendly.

There was an amusement arcade which the ds' liked to go to after dinner every night, so dh and I would give then 5 euros each to spend.

On the last night, we only had 5 euro notes, so sent the ds (12 (ASD) & 8) to reception to change into coins (we were sitting in the restaurant 20 feet away and could see them from our table)

5 mins passed and they hadn't returned, no probs, there was usually a queue. Then ds1 comes running back in without his money. We ask why and it transpires that the receptionist had no change so sent the two boys over the road to a nearby hotel to get some!!!! Shock

They had got to the other hotel, got all flustered as it was unfamiliar and came running back. I was SEETHING that the receptionist had sent two children out across a busy main road unattended to basically do his job for him.

Dh goes to reception to try to ascertain what had gone on, and the receptionist assures him that he accompanied the boys to the hotel to get the money. However, after careful questioning to each child, they both (independently) insisted he didn't go with them, they went on their own.

So either he is lying to us, or my children are, which I really don't think as DS1 is incapable to lying due to his ASD and very black and white view of the world.

We didnt do anything more at the time, it was 10pm and we had to be up early to fly home, but since we got home I've been thinking about it and its really narked me, a) that he would send 2 kids out of the hotel without their parents permission, and b) that he may have lied to my dh that he went with them.

WWYD? Dh says to leave it now we are home, but I feel it at least needs raising with the hotel that sending children out of the hotel and over the road without their parents knowledge is not acceptable and dangerous?

OP posts:
WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 · 26/05/2015 10:53

I don't think people are continuing in the same vein to be mean, but because even accepting the advice, you are still giving culpability to the receptionist as well. It seems pretty unanimous that this is unfair.

IF he lied, that was wrong. But to be honest, I'd probably lie too if I thought you were blaming me for this when its not my fault, and I'm in a job like that (the expectations of holidaymakers for staff can be bizarre, trust me).

murphys · 26/05/2015 10:55

Parenting is hard, sometimes we get it right, sometimes we don't. This was one of those occasions where we didn't.

Don't beat yourself up about this OP. Sadly there isn't a parenting manual that we can look at and it tells us what to do. Your initial thought was to try give ds1 some independence. It didn't really work out well this time, so next time you try something different.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 · 26/05/2015 10:57

Absolutely. They continually surprise at how little they listen to what we've taught them, and its bloody hard getting the balance right in trying to teach them independence and keeping them safe. Minefield.

firesidechat · 26/05/2015 10:58

Were you disagreeing with me Aeroflot or someone else? I'm not annoyed or anything if you were, but I was pretty much saying what you said - that stranger danger teaching is far from perfect and it may even confuse children more.

IfNotNowThenWhen · 26/05/2015 10:58

Yeah^^ I would really like to believe that my child would run and tell me in a similar situation, but I don't know for sure, no one can really. You just bumble along, repeating the same things over and over and hope to God some of it enters their brains and gets lodged in there among the Minecraft and football cards.

IfNotNowThenWhen · 26/05/2015 10:59

YY to murphys I meant

firesidechat · 26/05/2015 11:04

It is very difficult and sometimes you just have equip them as far as possible, take the risk, keep your fingers crossed and hope they are ok, but that's easy to say when your children are all grown up.

I vividly remember the heart stopping moments - first trip to the shops on their own, first teenage party, first car journey after passing their test, first night out with no curfew - oh the sleepless nights!

Klayden · 26/05/2015 11:05

"Parenting is hard, sometimes we get it right, sometimes we don't. This was one of those occasions where we didn't."

Please don't beat yourself up over this. It wasn't that you didn't get it right, it was just an unfamiliar scenario. You and your children learned to adjust your boundaries a bit and that's ok.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/05/2015 11:09

It was in response to truefact post, about her 6 year old knowing not to go off with strangers. You cannot be too sure.

Tangerineandturquoise · 26/05/2015 11:12

I think there is a mindset (in some people) that you can delegate some of your parental responsibility to others and it is done without a second thought.
I wonder if the issue isn't what your DS can do- but what you think others will do for him and for you.

The receptionist probably saw a teenager not a 12 year old in front of him- I think until you have older kids you don't realize how young they still are really. So he probably saw two boys that he considered quite capable and without thinking told them where they could get change?

When they were "gone a while" it wouldn't have hurt to stand up walk 10 feet and see if you could see them or if as you say reception was busy to have thought, I'll get them back and they can have a drink with us and go back in 5 minutes when it is calmer.

quietasamouse · 26/05/2015 11:23

we were sitting in the restaurant 20 feet away and could see them from our table

He has lied to you and you have lied to us.

firesidechat · 26/05/2015 11:26

Oh thanks Aeroflot I just wasn't sure.

No you can't be certain of anything. Like I said, I thought we had it covered with my eldest and then she said "if Mary (not her real name) stopped her car and offered me a lift, that would be ok". In her head Mary wasn't a stranger and so not a danger. We had to reinforce the fact that, without our direct permission, going off with anyone was not on.

My daughter is just about to have her second child and has all this to come. I don't envy her at all.

Tizwailor · 26/05/2015 11:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

youmakemydreams · 26/05/2015 11:42

I don't think you did anything wrong in sending them for change. I would do the same thing. I think it's wrong to continue trying to pass some blame onto the receptionist.
I have no idea how much independence your children get but I do think that one huge downside to so many children living places where they don't get out to play out of their parents sight as much as we often did is that these things happen much later now. Dd is far less independent than ds1 is and he is 2 years younger because we lived in a city In an area with not many places to play so her problem solving skills in situations like this are not as fine tuned as her brothers. The upside to that is she is super cautious and runs everything by me first sometimes too much.

Patapouf · 26/05/2015 12:03

Bloody hell. It's not the receptionists job to make change for you, nor did they force your boys to go to another hotel. Also receptionists are not babysitters, you should have gone and sorted the change yourself ffs.

Original poster
Chardonnay73 · 26/05/2015 12:06

Quietasamouse-eh?! Hmm I have quite clearly stated that we could see them from the table initially, then a group of people arrived and obscured the view.
I may make bad parenting choices but a liar I am not!

OP posts:
CrystalCove · 26/05/2015 12:13

People read the OPs posts - she has acepted she was unreasonable!

CrystalCove · 26/05/2015 12:14

Mouse what are you on about anyway about OP lying?

DownWithThisTypeOfThing · 26/05/2015 12:18

Parenting is hard, sometimes we get it right, sometimes we don't.

Ain't that the truth. Flowers

MarvellousMarbles · 26/05/2015 12:24

I sympathise, OP. Sending them to reception for change is perfectly reasonable, in fact a good think for DC of that age to do. And I wouldn't have thought (as you didn't) of the receptionist sending them elsewhere, especially not out of the hotel.

It was definitely wrong of the receptionist to lie and say he went with them. I can understand that he might have told the children what he tells any adult who asks for change when he hasn't got it ('go over the road to the the other place'). He should ideally have told them to tell their parents that's where they could get change, but I can understand him not thinking of it at the time.

I would also be freaked out by my DC having gone out of the hotel and across a road, but I don't think it was exactly anyone's fault. I'd take it as a reminder to think about talking to your DCs about some 'what if' scenarios. Your story has made me think about doing that with mine! It is a really good example of how unexpected situations crop up, and DC not being prepared for them. Ironically, all the people saying you shouldn't even send them for change in the first place would be bringing up even less-prepared kids. It's by meeting unexpected situations that DC develop their own judgement and initiative. Yours made the wrong call in this situation (though not so wrong that they didn't deal with it and get back safely, so well done to them!) as many others would have too, including mine possibly I think.

If I were you, I might email the hotel customer service about the incident. Not in a furious way, but in a customer-service feedback way. Especially w.r.t. the lying, which is worrying.

AnyFucker · 26/05/2015 12:25

No harm done, op, and this incident has made you rethink some things

so, all good

(this the mantra I used all through my kid's childhood)

TwinkieTwinkle · 26/05/2015 12:29

Is there not also the possibility that the receptionist didn't speak the best english, got flustered and just tried to give the answer you wanted to hear? He was put in a difficult situation to be honest, children without their parents and possibly wasn't sure what the correct thing was to do.

Seriouslyffs · 26/05/2015 12:32

It was all right in the end and you have a good handle to base future discussion with your son for when he starts going to school alone. Try not to let it spoil your memories of a lovely holiday!

NRomanoff · 26/05/2015 12:33

Yanbu about him lying. Its sounds like he was.

However, expecting a stranger to know that your child isn't capable/allowed to go across the street is bu.

I know you have accepted that you got it wrong, but the blame isn't on the receptionist at all. He probably panicked and said the first thing came to his mind, when he has someone asking him why he sent their kids across the street. To him it probably seemed perfectly reasonable to tell the children they could get change across the street and I doubt he said that they shouldn't come and tell you first. Its not his responsibility to tell them they need their parents permission.

We all get stuff wrong. But there is no point being angry at the receptionist.

hamiltoes · 26/05/2015 12:41

We are trying to give ds1 some independence by letting him do some things on his own, he's off to high school in Sept so trying to let the leash out a little bit IFYKWIM.

So him walking to the reception 20 feet away is you trying to give him independence and let him of the leash? I'm sorry I think you need to try much harder Hmm

At 12 I'd have been able to go over, come back and explain situ to parents, go across the road to other hotel without getting flustered due to unfamiliarity, and make my way back.

Reading your post I thought you were talking about a 6/7yo!

And then you're trying to blame the receptionist for your complete lack of parenting? Ok...

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