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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think that this man is lying to us?

132 replies

Chardonnay73 · 26/05/2015 10:03

Just got back from holiday abroad, AI type hotel, quite small, very friendly.

There was an amusement arcade which the ds' liked to go to after dinner every night, so dh and I would give then 5 euros each to spend.

On the last night, we only had 5 euro notes, so sent the ds (12 (ASD) & 8) to reception to change into coins (we were sitting in the restaurant 20 feet away and could see them from our table)

5 mins passed and they hadn't returned, no probs, there was usually a queue. Then ds1 comes running back in without his money. We ask why and it transpires that the receptionist had no change so sent the two boys over the road to a nearby hotel to get some!!!!

They had got to the other hotel, got all flustered as it was unfamiliar and came running back. I was SEETHING that the receptionist had sent two children out across a busy main road unattended to basically do his job for him.

Dh goes to reception to try to ascertain what had gone on, and the receptionist assures him that he accompanied the boys to the hotel to get the money. However, after careful questioning to each child, they both (independently) insisted he didn't go with them, they went on their own.

So either he is lying to us, or my children are, which I really don't think as DS1 is incapable to lying due to his ASD and very black and white view of the world.

We didnt do anything more at the time, it was 10pm and we had to be up early to fly home, but since we got home I've been thinking about it and its really narked me, a) that he would send 2 kids out of the hotel without their parents permission, and b) that he may have lied to my dh that he went with them.

WWYD? Dh says to leave it now we are home, but I feel it at least needs raising with the hotel that sending children out of the hotel and over the road without their parents knowledge is not acceptable and dangerous?

OP posts:

Original poster

Chardonnay73 · 26/05/2015 12:48

The receptionist was Scottish, so no language barrier!

I think my reaction can be attributed to utter panic at what could have happened - they could have been knocked down, abducted, got lost etc. A combination of tiredness from travelling and wanting to blame someone for what was a well intentioned excercise in giving DS1 a bit of freedom that could have gone horribly wrong contributed to the tone of my OP.

I wont be emailing the hotel, it was a lovely holiday overall. I needed some perspective, I got it. Thank you.

OP posts:

Original poster

Chardonnay73 · 26/05/2015 12:52

hamiltoes, Ds1 has Autism, he doesn't function as other children of that age do, so yes, for him it was a Big Thing. Great that at 12 you were able to do that, my DS obviously can't. Thanks for your comments though!

OP posts:

BarbarianMum · 26/05/2015 13:01

I think you should be more positive about your children's actions. They safely got themselves across the road, realised they'd bitten off more than they could chew and safely got back to you again. It might not have been an experiment you wanted to try but they did fine.

Go over road safety with them. Remind them they must let you know where they are going. But you can't prep them for every possible eventuality.

Jengnr · 26/05/2015 13:08

I don't think you did anything wrong letting them go. Just make sure next time they know to come back to you first if they can't get what they need.

It was all ok so draw a line and move on :)

CrystalCove · 26/05/2015 13:12

hamiltoes I find your reply quite rude actually, OP stated in first post her DS had ASD, which will affect what the OP lets/doesn't let him do. What you did at 12 is irrelevant!

Stratter5 · 26/05/2015 13:14

Umm, whether the receptionist was lying, or not, is totally irrelevant. It's not his job to sort change for random children.

They are YOUR children. They are YOUR responsibility. Those are the only relevant facts, and you need to quit blaming the receptionist.

TwinkieTwinkle · 26/05/2015 13:28

Can I just add that to the receptionist a 12yo would probably seem more than capable of nipping across the road to get change, particularly when it seems that he is already trusted enough to look after his younger brother. He wasn't to know about your son having ASD. I really can't see that he did anything wrong.

SoupDragon · 26/05/2015 13:35

The consensus is we did the wrong thing. It was a calculated risk that didn't work and has left me feeling I need to do a lot of work with DS1 before September to get him ready for travelling on public transport.

I dont think you did the wrong thing really, just that your initial blaming of the receptionist was wrong. There's nothing wrong with sending your DC to get change.

WRT your DS and public transport, I think it's a case of "This is what you need to do. Phone me if you think you need to do something different."

notaplasticgnome · 26/05/2015 13:48

YABU. A busy receptionist, lots of people checking in, a couple of small children looking for change and he distractedly says that he hasn't any but they might have some in the hotel across the road.

That's not really 'sending' your children across the road. He was just giving them some information. It was up to the children to check with you if it was okay to cross over to the other hotel.

If he lied about accompanying him, then that was wrong. Although maybe he paniced when your dh started having a go at him.

DixieNormas · 26/05/2015 13:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NoIsNotACompleteSentence · 26/05/2015 13:55

Do you know Op, i would leave this thread and never return as posters won't see you have already accepted you were BU and will make some more completely unnecessary rude and stupid comments.

I found that my DD who has SN, grew up a hell of a lot in the summer before high school. Now is definitely the time to launch them off on their own, it's so hard knowing how much rope to give them though, isn't it? Especially if they are the oldest, even without SN.

There have been a couple of very good pre secondary school threads in SN which will probably still be there.

Littleen · 26/05/2015 14:13

Being from elsewhere in Europe than UK, I wouldn't bat an eyelid at two children at 12 and 8 crossing the road unattended whilst on holiday. I would however expect them to let the parents know before leaving the hotel! I don't think this was the responsibility of the member of staff whatsoever, so yabu unfortunately.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 · 26/05/2015 14:33

Great attitude OP. I hope the thread has been useful and not upset you.

WorraLiberty · 26/05/2015 14:40

I am going to go a against the grain and say YANBU. I'd have been totally pissed off if a receptionist had told ds (ASD) to cross a busy road, at that age. Even laying special needs aside , what a stupid thing to say to children, unaccompanied by adults.

But how would the receptionist know your child has ASD?

And it's not stupid to tell a 12yr old where they can find change if they need it.

The receptionist didn't insist the children went against their parent's wishes, to go and get their change.

WorraLiberty · 26/05/2015 14:40

Sorry, forgot the bold.

The first bit of my post is quoting a previous poster

SunnyBaudelaire · 26/05/2015 14:41

I think it is up to you to look after your children, not the hotel receptionist.

wooldonor · 26/05/2015 14:42

Whatever the rights and wrongs I think you are totally unreasonable to say that your children might have been abducted.

If you think that is a likely thing to have happened that I'd say that maybe you have some issues with judging risk. The chance of that happening is tiny, possibly too small to be measured. Worries about road safety are valid and all children should be taught that but please don't spend energy thinking that they might have been kidnapped.

SunnyBaudelaire · 26/05/2015 14:44

oh yes an 8 year old and a 12 year old would be abducted crossing the road to get change!
I am sorry but if your imagination is that fertile, why on earth did you send them on their own?

cuntycowfacemonkey · 26/05/2015 14:56

Hamiltoe your response is ridiculous the OP clearly explained the situation regarding her 12 year old.

I think what this shows OP is that we can never fully prepare for every possible situation and sometimes we'll send our kids off into situations that they know how to behave in and something will throw them a curve ball and they won't react how we thought they should.

I don't think you did the wrong thing you just didn't anticipate the receptionist suggesting they go over the road and you obviously assumed they would know to come back to you first. It's also important to remember that despite being thrown a curve ball they did actually come back to you (eventually!)

donemekmelarf · 26/05/2015 14:58

Anybody else having a quiet chuckle to themselves, wondering how today's parents would cope with the freedom a lot of us (who grew up in the 70's and 80's) had as children.

We would be out the door to play and our parents very often wouldn't see us till teatime.
Children would call at a friend's house to play, or for them to come out to play, without it being 'pre-arranged'. Parents would often send their children to the shop for a pint of milk or a loaf of bread.
We would even go to the park - on our own.

(wonder how we survived the danger)

Jux · 26/05/2015 15:37

Now ds1 knows that when he's presented with an unexpected change of plan, that he should find you, first.

He didn't know that then, and now he does.

But, after that first mistake, look at what he did right:

He got himself and his little brother safely across the road
He found the strange hotel.

OK, then he got flustered, but despite that

He got himself and his little brother back across the road
He got them both back into the right hotel safely.

Now, in that series of unexpected responsibility, decision making, and thinking on his feet, I'd say he got a lot right.

I call that an achievement.

Well done ds1

Jux · 26/05/2015 15:43

Yes, donemekmelarf, but things were very different then (the number of cars, for instance, has increased exponentially, and they go a lot faster). Furthermore, this particular boy has ASD which really makes a major difference. Also, they are not in their usual place, they are abroad where things are very different to here, and would be different to wherever they live.

It doesn't sound like you have fully grasped the situation.

MrsNextDoor · 26/05/2015 15:46

So what happened to his money? You say he came back without it...where did it go?

RedHelenB · 26/05/2015 16:07

YABU - at 12 and 8 years old they should be capable of crossing a road.

firesidechat · 26/05/2015 16:14

I know donemekmelarf, it makes me bit sad that that we parents feel the need to keep our children so close. Like you, we disappeared off to the fields and chalk pits to play camps and only came back for meals. We were pretty much free range and that freedom seems impossible now.

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