to be bit upset with dsis re food?

[wandafull]

Just had dsis and her family

• her dh and two dc- to stay for bank holiday weekend, plus had another ffriend, her family, same number of kids. So, busy house. Dsis sits me down just before she left and told me as nicely as possible that the food situation was a 'bit weird'. To give a bit of context , I was always overweight as a child and this continued into adulthood- really had to do portion control and had a personal trainer for a while to drop down a size. Anyway, I have two dds and definitely do not want them to be over weight. So, they get good healthy three meals a day but no snacks in between. I don't offer snacks to other kids either, when they are here and don't give them it if they ask. Otherwise my dds get very upset when they are not allowed but others are. So I suppose I'm quite careful with adult portions of food now I've lost the weight- as has dh too- and I don't make piles of food when we have guests. Dsis basically told me that her dc were hungry and grumpy and that she hadn't had enough to eat and that it was weird that I offered so little food! She was nice about it but it's got me really quite worried- I offered guests and kids cereal for breakfast at sevenish, then nothing till lunch at 1 and then nothing till kids tea a 5 and adult dinner at 9Ish. Is that weird?

here
A bowl of cereal
sandwich and fruit
and soup or toast .

That is seriously lacking in nutrients - no wonder they are slim !

Breakfast: spinach, cheese and mushroom omelette
Berries and yoghurt,
coffee or green tea ( me)

Lunch: grilled prawns with garlic and parsley, green salad / tomato and onion salad ,crusty bread.
Nectarines.

Dinner: leftover beef stir fried with noodles, veg, spring onions and soy sauce.

A clever professor once said to me it's good for kids to be fatheads . They need good fats to grow and for brain development. You need a rethink and fast.

Out of interest what do your lunch and dinner consist of?

YABVVVUR Let them have some food. Fruit? Your weight issues are now beings put Ono others....potentially starting secret eating

Namechange. Lol, don't worry, that was a very abbreviated list! They also had hearty suppers. They were all big sports players and the boys are all over 6'3. I must have been doing something right.

I don't want to make you feel bad OP but you don't sound like a nice host at all.

Refusing to give a hungry child something to eat? No wonder they cried.

You obviously have issues with food and I'm sorry but you will be passing those issues onto your daughters.

Time for a good hard look at yourself and your approach to food, before it causes real problems.

WeirdCatLady that's unkind, the OP has alreasy admitted she was being unreasonable. I think, perhaps, you do want the OP to feel bad.

I think I'd have been ready to eat you if you'd made me wait 8 hours between lunch and dinner.

Oh god, I would have left I think. No way my DC would have coped either. They would have become ravenous. We have proper meals but lots of snacks in between (nuts & fruit, some cheese).

I see that your diet works for you to keep your weight under control but I think you really need to change your ways with your DC. This cannot be healthy.

Also, we do have restrictions in our house regarding the type of food we eat - no.junk, nothing processed, not even biscuits but I do not force my way of eating onto my visitors. That is just rude esp if people stay over an entire weekend.

Its hard to bring two routines together, I actually started my own thread before about snacking as we don't, I prefer dc not to but seems you cant socialise a child without someone imposing their child's routine on yours just because their child grazes. I think you may have done just this tho, only the other way around.
I would teach your dc before guests come that everyone has different routines and visiting children are used to frequent eating, but your children should not ask for food for the sake of it just because someone else is. I'm of the belief that hunger isn't a pain or illness, its a natural part of the eating cycle and I totally see where you are coming from in not wanting to teach hunger prevention. I think we have different reasons for not offering snacks.
I dont agree that dc cant get their calorie intake at the table, not every nation has their dc constantly stuffing and they do just fine. Mine will have salad, then a cooked meal, then cheese/ fruit in one sitting since toddler hood a decent meal can take nearly an hour to eat so for us its a lovely time to sit together.

To expect a 5 and 4 old to not eat for that length of time in between meals is awful. They must have been starving, but why would your sister not say her kids were hungry can they have a snack?
I think with regards to your own kids you should introduce snack times it can be healthy snacks they are not going to become overweight.
With such strict rules around food there's a strong chance when they get older and are spending time away from you they are going binge. I speak from experience.

Wanda, you're clearly taking on board what everyone is saying so don't want to add to it and make you feel worse but I will say that my diet was similarly restrictive when I was a child and it is part of the reason I am obese now (obviously 30 odd years later it is my responsibility and only I can change it). I would focus more on not making food an issue, obviously there is a balance because you can't let the kids eat chocolate and crisps all day but they should have some healthy snacks daily and treats sometimes as otherwise they may well binge as soon as they are old enough to get hold of these foods. Also try and focus on doing lots of exercise with them as this will really help them in the future (you may already do this in any case).

It's great that You're feeling healthy with the diet regime. But you may be over restricting your DC so that when they hAve freedom they will have no self control. This is what my mother did to me because I was a chubby child and it had the reverse effect when her control was removed. I knew no impulse control and nearly 20 years after leaving home I still have issues.

Be aware that you may have replaced one addiction with another. Dealing with the underlying addiction issues is the key to long term peace.

I wish you peace.

Not read all the replies, but here's my tuppence worth.

My DD would have been ravenous if made to wait that long between meals with no snacks. Infact she would have been a nightmare to be around as a hungry child is not a happy child.

I also think that separating adults and childrens meal times (unless due to work commitments etc) is a bad example to set. Here if we are all in, we all eat together around 530-6.

A normal day for my 7yo DD would look like this.
Breakfast around 730 - cereal, toast and chocolate spread, glass of fruit juice and possibly some fruit too.
Lunch around 1230 - if at school a hot meal, if at home then maybe a toastie, or beans on toast, or a wrap, usually with salady bits and some crisps on the side. A biscuit and a drink of juice.
Dinner around 530 - a proper hot meal, tonight was a roast chicken with all the trimmings, and a chocolate mouse.
She also had a packet of popcorn today between lunch and dinner.
Supper - pancakes, or toast, or a dairylea dunker or similar! With a drink.

My DD is very tall for her age (wearing age 11 clothes at 7yo). But is perfectly in proportion, there is not a pick of fat on her. She dances twice a week and swims once a week along with other activities and playing out every day.

No food is bad food here, everything in moderation is the way we work. Your relationship with food sounds difficult to me, and unhealthy.

So in conclusion YABU.

Butt- no it isn't. What's bad if not letting them have food if hungry. But most people including children can and should easily survive on 3 good meals a day. As mentioned my 4 and 5 year olds rarely snack. Eat 8am, 2pm, 8pm. Today they ate:

Breakfast 8am - x2 poached eggs, mushrooms,and beans. Greek yogurt and cooked Apple.

Lunch 2.30pm - full lamb roast ( lamb, sweet potatoes, red cabbage, brocoli, runner beans, parsnips)

Dinner 8pm - salmon, rice and peas.

They are hardly going to be starving going 6 hrs between these type of meals. Cereal only for breakfast of course they will want to snack soon after, but after a meal of protein, carbs, veg and dairy they can't be hungry on daily basis

That sounded like my 6ft 5 inch sons (18) breakfast here not a full days meals tbh.

Glad to hear their are many others who enjoy food and don't think its good existing on starvation rations.
we are very active -cycle about 50 miles a week and walk everywhere, swim and run.
We love our food and bollocks to misery rations.
OP I do wonder if you have inadvertently reduced your metabolism by dieting.
My Dsis is like this, she can barely eat anything without putting on weight.

I am not a snacker.

I usually don't even eat until 5.pm so I am more than happy to go 24 hours between meals.

However, my children would be miserable if they didn't get some kind of snack in-between meals. It is unfair on your children but I see that you have accepted the fact that you have a disorder relationship with food so I really hope you can begin to tackle this

your children need to learn to eat when they are hungry, and to stop when they are full. If you restrict their food intake and decide all the time his much they have, they cannot learn. They will stuff themselves every time they can, just in case the next meal is ages away. It sounds very unhealthy. My DS is 11 and has at least 6 small meals a day, some times more. He is also skinny. He will never force himself to finish a meal if he is not hungry, or help himself to too much food. You have to let your DCs learn

I'm surprised your DSIL didn't raise this with you when the kids were hungry if they were hungry.

I think it's good not to encourage snacking but it's good to have fruit/veg out inbetween meals in case people are hungry.

Great that you are eating healthily but I do think you need to build in some healthy snacks as those gaps between meals are large! Also, I think it's ok to relax the 'healthy' rules on special occasions (eg BH weekends with lots of visitors) and have some treats then.

I think it was a bit of a shame that your sis waited until the end of the weekend to say anything as too late for you to do anything about it then. But at least she said something and tried to do it tactfully from what you've said. Something to reflect on for you....

I think all you need to do is have healthy snacks available between meals. Fruit, raw veg and dips, the odd mini size treat, rice cakes with peanut butter, a few nuts etc. Then everyone should be happy. No big deal!

FWIW, here in France the kind of daily regime you describe is quite normal, except kids have an afternoon snack at 4pm, and eat with adults in the evening. Plus there are usually 2 or 3 small courses at each meal, and nibbles ALWAYS served with pre dinner drinks, never just drinks on their own. But other snacking is quite rare.

My MIL is this way and it drives me crazy. She has stomach issues and eats like a bird at meals. Fine but she will offer a half sandwich at lunch and gets big eyes if you eat more or something else to fill you up. It was especially awful when ds was your families children's ages, dh and I had to go grocery shopping for snacks right when we got into town. I still bring food with me because me + mil + no food = disaster for all!

I think your DSIS is right actually. Snacks are so important, I couldn't survive without my little fruit snacks in the middle of the day! I also get very grumpy when hungry so can sympathise with that. Snacks don't have to be unhealthy, fruit exists for that purpose... I think it's VU to refuse guests food when they ask politely and are hungry.

Of course she is also an alcoholic so drinks most of her carries anyway. I hate going there.