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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel annoyed at people being so insensitive and presumptious!

136 replies

Allstoppedup · 22/05/2015 16:15

So I found out this morning that I am having another little boy. I already have a 17 month old DS who is gorgeous, funny, clever and generally awesome in my PFB opinion

Since this morning I have already had two people comment to say how "disappointed" I must be and how it's a "such a shame" because he's not a girl.

I didn't and still don't give a big hairy gonad what sex child I was having and am absolutely thrilled to be having another lovely boy.

I am still very pleased but have been honestly taken back by both of these people (one a neighbour and one a friend) and how negative they are.

My response so far was to smile and say something along the lines of why would I be disappointed, I make fantastic boys!

Dont know why I've posted really as I know it's been done to death but I just felt it really made me feel crappy when I previously felt great and wanted to rant!

OP posts:
teawamutu · 07/06/2015 16:15

I got a fair bit of this when I told people I was expecting my second boy. It grated a bit (even though I'd have loved a daughter). I eventually took to telling the truth, deadpan: "Since my first boy was born I've had two mcs and a truly terrifying first trimester. I'm delighted to be having a BABY."

Would like to think they'll all button it before coming out with similar shite in the future to someone else.

Purplepoodle · 07/06/2015 16:23

Mum of three boys - always wanted boys. By dc3 dh wanted a girl and was slightly disappointed when found out it was a boy. I love dynamic my boys have.

imip · 07/06/2015 16:40

I have 4 Dds and people will often say in front of them how sorry they are that I didn't have a boy Shock. This includes teachers at school and just random people on the street. I absolutely love having all of one gender and am just shocked at people think it is ok to say this sort of thing, especially in front of the Dds.

If they really go on about it, I tell them about my 5th dd that was stillborn, and that for me, clearly a living baby was all I was ever after, regardless of gender.

Congrats op!

Liara · 07/06/2015 20:19

OK, zukiecat, your xmil is a bigger bitch than my MIL. I give it to you.

zukiecat · 09/06/2015 14:12

Liara

She could be an absolute bitch to XFIL too ( her second husband)

I don't want to be too specific but the very worst happened to XFIL's grandson (7) while abroad. I phoned her to offer my condolences, XFIL already having left for the country, and she said "Oh well, he was a nice little boy but not my grandson, it doesn't affect me.

I could never ever tell XFIL as that would have been so cruel, on top of what happened and she'd only deny it anyway.

zukiecat · 27/12/2016 18:26

Congratulations on DS2!

I have two girls and one boy (who doesn't like me to say anything about him on here)

I always got it from the other angle "Oh you'll be so happy now you've got your boy" "I your family is complete now" and all the other nonsense

Well, no I wanted a third child and I'd have been over the moon and delighted with a third girl!

I know someone with three girls and she used to say people weren't proper mothers unless they had girls HmmShock

Never got my head round that way of thinking and we don't really talk any more

GeillisTheWitch · 27/12/2016 18:29

I'm guessing the baby is here now, this thread is a few months old. Hope everything went well if you're still around OP.

Allthewaves · 27/12/2016 18:33

3 boys and still get asked if I'm gojng for a 4th to get a girl. Doesn't really fuss me.

AlwaysWashing · 27/12/2016 19:04

Congratulations! Another Mum of 2 DS here.
My 20 week scan "showed" we were having a girl. We were thrilled, we shopped (oh we shopped) for pink. I laboured and out popped our beautiful DS1!!!! I was so utterly in love with my baby that I couldn't have cared any less that it had a penis and a wardrobe full of dresses! DH was as astonished as me but we saw it all for what it was and had a very gorgeous and healthy son to show the world. Wow, so many people were bothered by it and really though I particularly should be too. We're almost pushing me to have some sort of PTSD or depression. Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. Lots of comments about trying again to get my girl.
I think sometimes people are just stupid and rude and should simply learn to think before they speak.

Violetcharlotte · 27/12/2016 19:14

People are so thoughtless sometimes!

Congratulations OP. I've got two boys and love them to bits xx

Sunshine59 · 27/12/2016 19:18

I have 3 boys, I get it all the time, oh will you try for a girl etc etc, I love them so much and if I had more money, time and energy I'd love a 4th boy.

sarahC40 · 27/12/2016 23:01

Mother of two ds and so proud that they are growing into lovely young men. Surrounded by my men (even the cat). Got exactly this 'sympathy' when pregnant from my nd neighbour. Laughed at her, saying 'what an odd thing to say' - she slammed the window shut and we didn't speak for a while, but she had the grace to apologise when ds2 arrived....she's from overseas so I put it down to cultural difference but apparently not. Congrats on your dc!

KurriKurri · 27/12/2016 23:06

When I was born (3rd girl) my Mum got a telegram from her brother saying 'never mind' Shock and yet I am wonderful, intelligent and beyond adorable in every way Grin - people are twats.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 27/12/2016 23:07

ZOMBIE THREAD

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 27/12/2016 23:11

YANBU. People are weird, why does everyone think all women want a little girl?!

I actually only have a DD and 1 about to drop (sex unknown) but my DH gets this but regarding a boy - especially when DD was born..."aw is MrCherry gutted he didn't get a boy?" Hmm no, why would he be? On further probing, I have the answer as to why people think this...

Turns out men want boys to play football with! Something a vagina possessing child can't seem to do! Who knew!

Even though 3yo DD adores football, and plays with DH every day (he's is convinced she'll be England women's captain one day HmmGrin), and people know this, they still say about imminent DC2 "I bet MrCherry is hoping this one will be a boy, teach him footy skills". Fuck off!

Went to a family party yesterday and people asked if we knew the sex of DC2, when I said no they ask what are we hoping for. I'm not fussed but DH wants another girl. People react as if ive said "DH would love it if I gave birth to a goat!". They are all Shock "REALLY!! I'm surprised at that as I thought he'd want a little football companion"

ragdoll700 · 27/12/2016 23:36

Mil said that when I had my second girl I love my two daughters and will prob not have another baby so yes ignore them, my sister has two boys and is happy with her family and wont have any more either

Brewdolf · 27/12/2016 23:41

We found out with DC1 because I can't cope with the fact there's information I have access to and could refuse Blush.

With DC2 we found out purely because it was far easier to plan stuff.

DC1 is DD and DC2 is DS. We've had all the 'you're so lucky', 'you must be so happy', 'at least you can stop now' comments.

Umm. no. just. no.

I wanted 2 DC. It didn't matter to me what they were as long as it was human and healthy.

I talk to my friends who have two of each. They seem to face the same battles as me. The second child is not the same as the first child regardless of sex.

Brewdolf · 27/12/2016 23:42

Bugger, just seen this is a zombie. Blush

SleightOfMind · 27/12/2016 23:49

aw congratulations on baby Allstopped Flowers

When I started showing with the DTs (DC3&4), I had many idiots whose first reaction was 'Oh no!'
I mean really! You might think it, you don't bloody say it out loud!

SleightOfMind · 27/12/2016 23:50

Gah!
Zombie thread!

Postchildrenpregranny · 28/12/2016 00:15

I have two DDs . I woul have liked a boy- just because I thought it would be interesting to have 'one of each' but DH wanted another girl . In the event, having had two miscarriages I was just grateful for a healthy, beautiful baby. And can say in all honesty I have never for one moment regretted that she was not a boy .I would like a grandson though ...
But what a rude thing to say

Changednamesorry · 28/12/2016 04:00

heheheheh
I am pregnant with my second boy and had a lot of this nonsense.

I was secretly terrified of having a girl and desperate for the baby to be a boy. the relief I felt when I found out I was having another boy at the scan was huge. My son is wonderful and I can't wait to have another one.

Don't know why - i just feel more at ease mothering boys.

Ignore the idiots.

SalemSaberhagen · 28/12/2016 04:12

zukie you were last poster on the thread first time round. Why bring the zombie thread back to life as if you hadn't posted on it Confused

Graphista · 28/12/2016 04:24

Congratulations op wishing you a happy, healthy pregnancy and birth.

I'm friends with 2 couples with 4 boys each and another couple with 3 girls - they've had some shitty comments too, on gender and family size.

When I was pregnant with dd we decided not to be told gender and told the sonographer. This was considered weird apparently. (Overseas not uk) but even uk people were like 'why not?' We really didn't care. I'd lost 3 prior so all we cared about was baby was healthy.

People can be thoughtless idiots, ignore and enjoy your baby.

Graphista · 28/12/2016 04:26

Oh balls just seen it's an old thread. Well hope op had a healthy time.