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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel annoyed at people being so insensitive and presumptious!

136 replies

Allstoppedup · 22/05/2015 16:15

So I found out this morning that I am having another little boy. I already have a 17 month old DS who is gorgeous, funny, clever and generally awesome in my PFB opinion

Since this morning I have already had two people comment to say how "disappointed" I must be and how it's a "such a shame" because he's not a girl.

I didn't and still don't give a big hairy gonad what sex child I was having and am absolutely thrilled to be having another lovely boy.

I am still very pleased but have been honestly taken back by both of these people (one a neighbour and one a friend) and how negative they are.

My response so far was to smile and say something along the lines of why would I be disappointed, I make fantastic boys!

Dont know why I've posted really as I know it's been done to death but I just felt it really made me feel crappy when I previously felt great and wanted to rant!

OP posts:
TheCatsMother99 · 22/05/2015 18:17

Stupid, thoughtless idiots.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 22/05/2015 18:22

Ignore, ignore and ignore.

Mum of 3 boys here, it was fabulous watching them grow up together.

Congratulations!

jollygoose · 22/05/2015 18:22

I have two lovely gs`s they are so gorgeous I adore them and so do their lucky mum and dad. Its actually great having two boys because they hav each other to do boys things with they will probably grow up to be best friends forever what more could anyone want.

4miscarriageslater · 22/05/2015 18:27

Some people are just twats. Said by a mum of 3 boys who has been there and has that particularly well worn tshirt....

TheFairyCaravan · 22/05/2015 18:34

We've got 2 boys and we got it too, only in those days you didn't find out until the birth. We were as happy as Larry. Our boys are gorgeous and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

I had a friend ring me when she found out she was having her DS2, she just wanted someone to tell her it was fantastic news, instead of saying "never mind", and she knew she'd get it from me.

TheFairyCaravan · 22/05/2015 18:35

Congratulations. Flowers

marshmallowpies · 22/05/2015 18:42

Similar to my neighbours reaction when she found out I wasn't planning to have any more children after DD2 'but it might be a boy next time'!

Boys are awesome, I have 3 nephews who are just the best, but I'm not planning a 3rd child, not even to make my neighbour happy!

Congratulations - hope you enjoy your lovely boys!

Yarp · 22/05/2015 18:51

I too am not qualified to discuss girls, as I have two boys

It's great and it bugs me that people think that boys and girls are so different that having one of each will magically create a perfect family.

I'm really happy with mine

Fluffcake · 22/05/2015 18:51

Congratulations! Happy and healthy is the most important thing. Just ignore them. I worked with a woman who already had one girl and when she got pregnant again kept going on about how she hoped it was another girl as she didn't do boys. As a mum to a boy (I have one of each) I found it really quite insulting Angry

Yarp · 22/05/2015 18:52

I would love there to be a survey about whether people are more negative about 2 boys than two girls

Icimoi · 22/05/2015 18:56

Many congratulations. Before I had children I wanted at least one of each. Once I had DS1 I realised boys are lovely and I really wanted another. But then I had DD and realised girls are lovely. So then I had DS2 and was just very very happy.

gotothegymtomorrow · 22/05/2015 19:00

I had exactly the same comment after finding out I was having my second daughter! I was taken aback when I was asked if I was disappointed! People are stupid! Congratulations!

purpleteapig · 22/05/2015 19:13

Yup, I had a similar comment from my boss when he overheard me tell a colleague I was expecting another boy. He said: "Oh well, you'll have to keep trying." Some people should keep their beaks out & their comments to themselves!

trollkonor · 22/05/2015 19:20

Congratulations.

I have two boys and havent personally had such comments but a quizzical smile with What an odd thing to say would be appropriate.

emms1981 · 22/05/2015 22:09

I had the same after the birth of my 2nd son.
"Oh what did you have?"
Me- "another little boy" with a big smile
Them- "oh....are you going to try for a girl?"
Idiots. I love my boys and feel blessed when I see them playing together.

CPtart · 22/05/2015 22:24

I have two boys, now older at 12 and 10. Let me tell you, that having two DC of the same gender pays off massively in the long run. For me, a little girl might have been a nice change, for them, having a sibling of the same gender has without doubt, been the very best possible outcome. Congratulations.

MagelanicClouds · 22/05/2015 22:35

Congratulations.
That's all I've ever thought to say if I've been priveleged to be told the sex of someone's unborn child.
I have two boys. My neighbour asked me if I was planning on having any more upon meeting ds2 for the first time. Odd question, but I replied I was not.
'You're not going to try for a girl?'
Why? I have a perfect little baby! Two boys and I love them both, but two children is enough for me.
The look of shock on her face when I said no....
She has three daughters, BTW, I bet I know why.

PeppermintCrayon · 22/05/2015 22:49

I think the phrase "did you mean to be so rude" is perfect for these occasions.

Dogsmom · 22/05/2015 22:50

It's nothing to do with boys, I've just had my 2nd daughter and had several people ask if my husband was disappointed, even the midwife asked if I was going to try for a boy when I was in labour.

Jen1610 · 22/05/2015 22:55

As someone who had two girls in a row I experienced the same. Ignore them. They are total fuds. Just reply no actually I was just happy that the baby is healthy and the gender was totally irellevant. That should make them feel like the dicks they are. And just to add as someone who is now a mum of a boy. Boys are soooooooo much easier than girls anyway! Congratulations on your gorgeous boy news

FryOneFatManic · 22/05/2015 23:06

These people are idiots. And ignore anyone who says it's just conversation, it's actually, as in the title, presumptuous of other people to assume they know how you're feeling.

And I say that as a mum of 2, one of each. I got the comments about my family being complete now, and it seemed such a stupid thing to say, I'd correct a lot of them by saying my family was complete because I have 2 DCs, not because I have one of each.

2 boys or two girls, I would still have stuck at 2.

OP, Thanks congratulations, hope all goes well.

momtothree · 22/05/2015 23:11

Just a thought.

AIBU to feel annoyed at people being so insensitive and presumptious!
Xmasbaby11 · 22/05/2015 23:15

Yanbu! I have 2 girls and did not occur to me to be disappointed. Obviously I think my dc are the perfect ones for me and cannot imagine any different. Nobody implied I should be disappointed.

America52 · 22/05/2015 23:18

What's wrong with people? Even if you thought it, why would you say it? I don't really think you should have an opinion anyway on a child that's not yours!

I have 1 child, if i'm being honest if I were to have another i'd want 2 of the same sex as I feel they'd probably have more in common as adults. Don't understand why 1 of each is deemed "the perfect family"

budgiegirl · 22/05/2015 23:20

I had the same comments. When my DH's friend met my newborn DS2, he actually said " Oh, never mind, are you going to try again?"

Some people are just idiots.

And congratulations, boys are awesome, but then you already know that.

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