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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to feel annoyed at people being so insensitive and presumptious!

136 replies

Allstoppedup · 22/05/2015 16:15

So I found out this morning that I am having another little boy. I already have a 17 month old DS who is gorgeous, funny, clever and generally awesome in my PFB opinion

Since this morning I have already had two people comment to say how "disappointed" I must be and how it's a "such a shame" because he's not a girl.

I didn't and still don't give a big hairy gonad what sex child I was having and am absolutely thrilled to be having another lovely boy.

I am still very pleased but have been honestly taken back by both of these people (one a neighbour and one a friend) and how negative they are.

My response so far was to smile and say something along the lines of why would I be disappointed, I make fantastic boys!

Dont know why I've posted really as I know it's been done to death but I just felt it really made me feel crappy when I previously felt great and wanted to rant!

OP posts:

BettyCatKitten · 24/05/2015 14:53

My ds was most disappointed when I had my dd (he was 2.5) as he was hoping for postman pat

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 24/05/2015 15:06

I'm pregnant with DC2 and am finding the one of each requirement a bit strange. How do you try for a girl / boy anyway?

My parents had the opposite as my brother is disabled and I was a girl. They were supposed to have, you know, a 'normal' boy to make up for it, and people actually said this me as a child. Twats.

damnitchloe · 24/05/2015 15:26

I have 2 boys too. Our family is complete & I wouldn't change them for the world. Welcome to the joy of boys. They rock.
Why people feel the need to say such stupid things I have no idea. About as helpful as asking a couple who are trying when they'll have a baby.

Onelittlepiglet · 06/06/2015 12:25

I have two girls and I get the same comments....but about how disappointed I must be not to have had a boy!

I love my girls and would have loved them just as much if one or both had been boys, but would not change them for the world! And my husband loves having two little girls who adore him!

I recently have had two friends who've had a boy after having a girl and both have really disappointed me by saying things like 'so glad I produced a son for my husband - men need a son' and 'my family is complete now, I don't need to have another baby to make sure I get one of each.....when are you going to go for baby number three?'

I've put it down to them having new baby exhaustion....but I'm not very impressed!

AlpacaMyBags · 06/06/2015 12:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SuffolkNWhat · 06/06/2015 12:52

My DH had this when we found out DD2 was a girl. He got LOADS of comments about how it was a shame I wasn't giving him a boy (totally ignoring the fact it's his sperm that decides!) he couldn't give a stuff about having a boy and adores our girls.

Bearfrills · 06/06/2015 15:08

I had a DS followed by a DD and got lots of comments along the lines of "you can stop now you've got one of each" and "that's your family complete" and "well done, a perfect set". When I got pregnant again people were quick to presume it was accidental and would ask me to my face "was it an accident?". When I said it was deliberate/planned the usual response was a confused look and "but why when you've already got one of each!?". FIL, when told about the pregnancy, said there he didn't see the point of a third because we already had one of each and there's not a third option available.

I'd have been thrilled with either sex but I was really pleased to be having a DS2. Personality-wise, DS1 needed a brother more than DD needed a sister and they both wanted the baby to be a boy. Would have been tough toot if I'd had a girl :o

Trouble is though that I now get lots of comments about trying again for another girl to balance my family out and that it's cruel to make DD the middle child

In conclusion: people have far too much to say about stuff that is none of their business!

Amber76 · 06/06/2015 15:15

Genuine question here - if you honestly don't care what gender the baby is then why find out at the scan and why tell people the gender??

Strawberyshortcake · 06/06/2015 15:16

I cannot understand people can be so rude as to say this to you, why would they think u would be disappointed? It never entered my head about the gender of my babies, (both boys) Tell them to bugger off.

Strawberyshortcake · 06/06/2015 15:18

I think a lot of people find out the gender because of practical reasons. I found out with both of mine, don't see the problem as it's a personal choice.

SuffolkNWhat · 06/06/2015 15:38

I found out the first time because I like to be prepared. DH had a preference for a girl at that stage so wanted to give him time to get used to the sex either way.

Second time was because DD kept saying she was having a sister so again wanted to give her time to get used to the idea of a brother if DD2 was a boy.

Bearfrills · 06/06/2015 19:54

We found out the sex with DS1 because we had no choice. When the sonographer put the wand thingie on my bump and zoomed the image in, the very first shot we got on the overhead screen was his legs wide open with his bits on display. Good job we didn't mind knowing!

With DD we wanted to know so we could tell DS and to plan, plus I'd had a late mc when DS was 10mo so wanted to know so I could let myself bond with "it" by using he or she instead.

With DS2, I had a feeling he was a boy so wanted to find out and I wanted to tell DS and DD, plus for practicality I wanted to know - I had bags of boys clothes and bags of girls clothes, I needed to know which to keep and which to get rid of!

Shadow1986 · 06/06/2015 19:59

Urgh why are some people just so damn rude.

When I found out I was having twins most peoples reactions was 'how will you cope' instead of 'congratulations' ?! I reacted like you - I will cope just fine thank you!

MrsHathaway · 06/06/2015 20:12

The only correct response is "How lovely" or perhaps "How exciting" for multiples.

Three boys here, and I've heard everything the other mothers of boys on this thread!

scarletmonkey · 06/06/2015 20:25

Yanbu. When i was pregnant with dc2. I had no end of "oh you must be hoping for a girl" crap. Turns out she was a girl, then I got "oh your family is now complete, one of each, you're so lucky. " blah blah blah. This annoyed me no end, as i was truly not bothered, boy or girl. But we had to have IVF to get DS, and we were told a natural pregnancy just wasn't going to happen. (Too many issues) somehow it did, and we were just over the moon to be getting another baby, any baby. So being told(however well meant it was) I was lucky for getting a girl after a boy pissed me off no end.
Someone I know has three boys, and people actually told her how sorry for her they were when boy 3 arrived. What an awful thing to say!

StonedGalah · 06/06/2015 20:28

I wanted another dd so when l found out l always said it's another dd which l am delighted about with a genuine grin.

My dm thinks a pigeon pair would be perfect and l think didn't believe me when she asked if l had a preference and l said another dd.

Everyone is different and l think most people are very happy with whatever sex their dc are. I know some people do have disappointment over the sex, and as long as they address l think that's ok too.

awombwithaview · 06/06/2015 20:37

I never get this attitude! When my cousin had her DD our nan said 'never mind dear, maybe you'll have a boy next time!'

I have one of each but had always thought I'd have two boys as I love boys, there's something so adorable about two little boys.

Having said that my sis had 2 boys and desperately wanted a girl and was upset when she had a girl....why she didn't have a scan I'll never know. She could have saved herself 20 weeks of convincing herself she was having a girl and basically crying when it was a boy. She's pretty odd at the best of times

3CheekyLittleMonkeys · 06/06/2015 20:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ladyflower23 · 06/06/2015 20:37

They will most likely be best friends for life. Two boys will be lovely. Those comments were out of order. Congratulations to you

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 06/06/2015 20:40

People talk shit.

Someone said, in front of my two daughters, "oh you finally got your boy". Pointing to baby DS. I nearly pointed out he was an accident but held my tongue.

3CheekyLittleMonkeys · 06/06/2015 20:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Liara · 06/06/2015 20:43

When I told mil I was expecting another boy, she answered 'Oh dear, could you not have tried for a girl?'

This was said in front of dh and ds1.

And this was on announcing the pg, much wanted and waited for (major infertility issues).

How is that for insensitive and presumptious?

movpov · 06/06/2015 23:50

It always makes me feel really sad when I hear about attitudes like the ones you were faced with, OP. Surely the most important thing is the health of the baby, not the gender?

To put this into context - I'm a mum of 2. Both my children were planned and wanted. Towards the end of my first pregnancy my baby was diagnosed with a condition that turned out to be very serious and when I had a beautiful little boy he was not expected to survive the night but he battled on, however in the end he was overwhelmed by his condition and despite the fantastic efforts of a dedicated hospital team he passed away a few short weeks later without ever coming home. As you can imagine this left me in bits. When I became pregnant again it did not matter to me whether I had a boy or a girl, I just wanted a healthy baby. As it happened I had another boy, who brought me so much joy and helped me to heal; he is now 17 and the warmest, funniest and most amazing human being who makes me laugh and fills me with pride every single day. My first son would be 18 now and there has never been a day I have not thought about him and wished he was here too.

I don't know why it is that some people seem to think families are only balanced if they have both sexes, or that every mum wants a daughter. I have never felt I've missed out by not having a daughter - but I have missed out on seeing my boy grow up, start school , get a job and all the usual milestones and my second son has had to grow up without ever knowing his brother. My family is not balanced and never will be - not because I don't have a daughter but because he is missing.

That's why I feel it's such a shame when people react in the way some of these posts have described.

Ignore what anyone says, OP. You are having another fantastic little boy and a brother for your first son. Congratulations; enjoy him when he arrives and have a wonderful life with your boys

zukiecat · 07/06/2015 12:41

My XMIL actually told me to terminate my pregnancy when we found out I was having DD2, so that we could try again for a boy. Probably the worst thing that anyone has ever said to me.

Congratulations OP and enjoy your two lovely wee boys!

SideOrderofChips · 07/06/2015 12:50

I have 2 dd's and am pregnant with DS1.

The amount of people on finding out its a boy saying 'oh you must be so happy now to have a little boy coming'

I honestly didn't give a shit whether it was a boy or girl as long as it was healthy

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