Fallen out with MIL over manners

[WoeIsMee]

I'm really annoyed. I've NC for this.

My MIL had my children today and they've come back saying 'what' instead of 'pardon.' This is because mil told them that 'what' is correct which is clearly wrong - it's 'pardon.'

I'm really annoyed as correct manners are so important, also it's undermined me.

WIBU to ring her and tell her she's wrong and ask her to tell the children that she was wrong?

Op you should reach a compromise and opt for "excuse me?"

Also agree with whatthe.

'I beg your pardon' (shortened to pardon) and 'I'm sorry, I didn't hear that' (shortened to sorry) express the sentiment that you are making an effort to understand somebody.

'What' doesn't really express anything except 'I couldn't be bothered to listen'. The only reason to insist on 'what' is to attempt to exclude people who don't know the rules, which is very bad manners indeed.

Pardon is vulgar, only the commonest people use it - is what we were told in school. Accompanied by a very very scary shudder which shook her bosoms and sent the weaker girls in my class under their desks crying.

That is actually a true story

Oh, and we were 'gels' of course.

Didn't Brian Sewell have an anecdote like that ?

Brian Sewell became a caricature of himself though. I used to see him on the tube home years ago. He was rather small and had very little natural presence in the flesh.

"I beg your pardon" really doesn't signal that you are making the effort to understand someone. If you think about it, it's absurd. You are saying "I didn't hear you (possibly because you didn't speak distinctly or loudly enough) and I am begging you to forgive me for this major crime on my part." Which obviously is not what you intend. It makes much more sense to say "What did you say?"

I am also biased against it because it was what my grandmother used to say, only she would say "puddn?" or "bepuddn?" It really was intensely irritating.

FYC, I knew we had much in common! No horses, pre-licked cheesecake, you name it

It's precisely because I don't want to give the impression that I think the other person is not speaking sufficiently loudly or clearly that I would say 'Sorry?' ie short for 'I apologise for not hearing that '.

Supper is a smaller evening meal either before the theatre or after the opera.

These days, 'smaller' is less than the innumerable dishes which were presented at dinner in, say, the Regency period. Dinner being the evening meal, as opposed to luncheon, or breakfast. Tea is taken mid-afternoon and involves a fair amount of cream.

I bloody love this thread and nominate it for classics. It's cost me more than £20 in books though, so I'm signing off at p14.

Oh and I was brought up under the instruction 'don't say what, say pardon', but it doesn't come naturally to me. My dad's a postman so I'm not U but I'm proudly not non-U either

I'm from the US deep South. Supper here is just a more informal dinner and is not considered a posh word at all. Tea, of course, is always a drink only and always iced.

NeedsA are you married to LucyA's DIL?

If LucyA's DIL is a 6"3 15 stone incredibly handsome utter shit heal who hasn't clapped eyes on his wife for over 4 years and is highly likely to suffer a hunting related accident should he set foot on the track to his wife's house then yes. I am ??

This could go down in history as the Great Mumsnet What or Pardon Debate of 2015. Matched only by things like the Scone Symposium:- Gone or Cone - Which of These Rhyme?

Oh no, not grandma. The Dowager Countess of Grantham is Granny and for all his inaccuracies Julian Fellowes is very hot on forms of address.

www.express.co.uk/comment/expresscomment/419144/Just-what-do-you-call-a-modern-grandma

"I didn't hear you (possibly because you didn't speak distinctly or loudly enough) and I am begging you to forgive me for this major crime on my part."

That makes perfect sense. Perhaps a bit ott, but it is certainly in line with good manners and showing consideration for others.

All you are saying is 'the fault could be mine but I didn't hear you'.

The best you can say for 'what?' Is that it is more assertive. However, ''wah??" just sounds stupid.

is rather offend a 'what' snob than sound rude to everybody else.

Cons

No idea where 'cons' came from.

"I'd rather offend a what snob".

My children have a Nana, a Grandma and a Granny. I specifically chose for my children to call my own mum Nana in order to piss off my own Grandmother (Grannie) who has always said 'Nana is the hired help'.

We say breakfast, lunch and dinner (sometimes tea). Supper is a piece of toast before bed. We say loo not toilet. But we say pardon. We're a bit of a mix of classes, one Northern and one Southern (one says bath, the other barth) - so we're probably difficult for some of you to decide whether to sneer at or claim as one of your own. Don't worry if you decide to snigger though, it will save us spending time with pillocks. Is 'pillock' common? Perhaps you prefer those who say 'prick?'

I had Grandma, Gran, Nanna and Little Nan (2 great grandmothers). We used different names for different sides of the family.

I think OP is Kate Middleton.

Don't proper posh people say 'Pops' and 'Nonna' or 'Gamma' or 'Ma' or other variations thereof, anyway?

Lol at Kate Middleton Jux!!

No, Jux, Kate Middleton hasn't got a MIL.

oh so she hasn't....
GIL then