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Original poster

HELP! 5yr old is sexually abusing my Ds?!

109 replies

notnownoonoo · 20/05/2015 21:05

I really need some help as I'm so upset and confused right now!

This started near the beginning of the yr around end of jan/feb when my son told me that one of his friends in reception kept pulling his pants and trousers down to look at his bum and willy, this then escalated to he keeps watching me in the toilets to look at me and won't stop.

Teachers told me they couldn't speak to other child's mum unless they witnessed the behaviour. I started keeping a record and about a month ago i thought it had pretty much stopped, ds wasn't informing me of any more incidents.

Then today we went with our ds to have a medical circumcision (this was a factor in our concerns regarding behaviour) all went well until on the way home ds told us he had bad news, then he told us "x child keeps tickling my willy and i don't like it" he further told us it had been happening all the time and he had told the teacher who told the boy to stop but he won't.

That is a brief overview but I am completely confused. Is this sexual abuse? it makes my son feel upset and concerned.. but the perpetrator is 5?! also no-one has seen this behaviour will he be believed? should i question him further about it?

I'm planning to speak to the headteacher tomorrow to report it and have rang nspcc for advice, they asked me to call back to speak to a supervisor/practitioner and said it is serious and needs to be explored and reported to children's services as a concern for both children!

But i will be basically reporting another parent (who im friendly with but havn't told her what's happened) for investigation on just my son's word.. i wish someone had seen this behaviour as he has been lying recently but why would he lie about this?

What action should i expect the head to take and should this be addressed as sexual abuse? could my son be negatively affected by it? so many questions Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
notnownoonoo · 21/05/2015 07:49

i don't have information about the child other than his first name though to make a disclosure so i guess the school/nspcc will have to help but don't worry they'll be informed.

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 21/05/2015 07:52

Op you are doing the right thing, that other little boy, is very young, and çoukd be acting out what he sees or experiences at home. So if SS are contacted, that is a good thing.

LondonRocks · 21/05/2015 10:11

Please keep your guns blazing on this. Well done, OP.

Original poster
notnownoonoo · 21/05/2015 10:51

done now guys thanks for all your help, it's been referred to social services and i've spoken to the headteacher.

OP posts:
LondonRocks · 21/05/2015 11:00

Well done!

sadwidow28 · 21/05/2015 11:02

Excellent! I have just seen this thread and after reading the 1st page I was about to post a message telling you how to report.

You must NOT concern yourself about the other child - an investigation will identify whether he has learned these actions from someone else or whether there is a major gap in understanding boundaries.

Now that you have spoken to the Headteacher, she will have to inform the Local Authority (Education Child Protection Unit). The agencies will work together to resolve this for BOTH children.

Good luck - and well done.

TinkerTailorSoldierSpy · 21/05/2015 11:03

There's no way my child would be going to school until this was sorted. Good luck

AtomicDog · 21/05/2015 11:37

Well done, OP. I hope your son recovers well from his operation.

Justusemyname · 21/05/2015 11:57

It's crap to say no witnesses so can't do anything. By its very nature abuse is generally done when no one else is there

LondonRocks · 21/05/2015 12:43

Yes, the no witnesses is just insane.

Most abuse is covert. They sound stupid, tbh Angry

notnownoonoo · 21/05/2015 12:45

thank you he's recovering ok with calpol just a but distressed about the change there. I hope it's sorted i made it very clear that i expect a report of their plan of action on the first day of his return and i expect him to be protected. They mentioned speaking to both children, his parents, restricting his access, and giving my ds a special supervisor etc so hopefully he'll be safe.

I'm still trying to come ot terms with what's happened though it's a big shock to the system to suddenly learn you're son has essentially been molested.

notnownoonoo · 21/05/2015 12:46

the headteacher did backtrack on that and clarified that there doesn't need to be anything else except verbal dislosure so it was just that one teacher i think!

LondonRocks · 21/05/2015 12:46

OP, is that you in the last post, as you have a different name. Maybe you might want to change it?

notnownoonoo · 21/05/2015 12:48

yes sorry i forgot i namechanged this morning!

popalot · 21/05/2015 14:05

Police. NSPCC. And the child is highly likely to be being abused by someone older, that's why he's doing it himself. Your son will get over it, but it needs to stop now and the school cannot keep going with the 'we didn't see it so it never happened' bullshit.

Starlightbright1 · 21/05/2015 14:21

I am really pleased for both children that things are been sorted... A relief but also a horror for you at the same time

ChuffinAda · 21/05/2015 15:08

I'm glad you have gone ahead and kicked up aboit this. I hope your son is kept safe from now on.

NameChange30 · 21/05/2015 15:22

Glad to hear you have reported and it's now being dealt with. But I think it's still a concern that the teachers you first spoke to about it did not deal with it appropriately. Have you asked the headteacher for a copy of the school's safeguarding procedure? If they have one I suspect the teacher(s) was not following it and I would therefore complain about them.

FrancesNiadova · 22/05/2015 07:48

You reported inappropriate sexualised behaviour to the head & they said that they have talked to the child's parents?
Un-be-fcking-lieveable!
SS should be the ones who are told.........it's probably close family members that they'll want to investigate!

Writerwannabe83 · 22/05/2015 08:02

You've definitely done the right thing. About six years ago whilst spending time with SS I came across a case exactly like this and the toe boys were 6 years old.

I had to visit the family of the 'perpetrator' and the outcome was that he was being forced to watch pornographic films, look at graphic images in porn magazines and was being sexually abused himself. The whole thing was tragic.

You have absolutely don't the right thing and it's very likely you may have saved the other boy from a childhood of abuse. Well done.

The school have handled it appallingly in my eyes and I would take things further in terms of making a complaint. It should never have been allowed to go this far and they should have been the ones to contact SS a long time ago.

DixieNormas · 22/05/2015 08:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
notnownoonoo · 22/05/2015 08:32

it's half term now but from the first day back if one more thing happens i will be livid and make it known to the right people!

OP posts:
VivienScott · 22/05/2015 09:15

It is not OK for anyone to touch another person in a way that they do not consent to or feel comfortable with, regardless of whether that person is a child or not.

The school HAS to deal with this one way or another. Either they back you son and deal with the boy, or they decide your son is lying and try and deal with one boy accussing another of sexual abuse. Which ever child is not telling the truth has a problem. I am trying to take the line of complete impartiality here so I'm sorry if I sound like I'm accussing your son of lying, I'm not, I'm just saying the school needs to do something, one way or another.

It is a marker of abuse by the way, and it doesn't have to be this boys parents.

NameChange30 · 22/05/2015 09:15

"If one more thing happens"?
How on earth can you accept the possibility something else might happen? I don't think I'd send my child to school if there was a chance it could happen again.
You should be livid already!

tobysmum77 · 22/05/2015 09:23

Don't the school have to tell the parents that they are being referred to SS?