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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To selfishly buy things from the supermarket while my partner is asleep

31 replies

Ephervent123 · 20/05/2015 18:14

My partner is accusing me of being selfish because I ordered groceries from Tesco online when she was asleep, and didn't wait until the next day to order. This is even though I only spent £25 on stuff I needed/wanted and the money isn't a problem. Now she's saying she will be withholding sex because I am being selfish.

Not sure what she wanted me to do. I can't see I'm being selfish aibu?

OP posts:
DontOpenDeadInside · 20/05/2015 18:19

Can't you just go back on and add the stuff she wants?

woowoo22 · 20/05/2015 18:20

Did you get normal stuff like milk etc?

How do you normally shop?

Original poster
Ephervent123 · 20/05/2015 18:23

I ordered it at night for delivery the next day. I ordered things we eat mainly, rather than stuff just for me. But she's saying I didn't order the stuff she needed (well of course)

OP posts:
FirstWeTakeManhattan · 20/05/2015 18:24

Eh? Bit of a big reaction over a bit of Tesco shopping. Any other reason for the drama?

Nolim · 20/05/2015 18:30

Is there a back story? Sounds like a huge overreaction over groceries.

NerrSnerr · 20/05/2015 18:37

Is there a back story? Seems like an over reaction about a tesco order.

AoifeBell · 20/05/2015 18:38

Does she normally withhold sex as "punishment" when you don't do what she wants?

arethereanyleftatall · 20/05/2015 18:40

So why can't she just place an order for the stuff she wants? I'm not understanding the drama unless there's a back story.

Cornettoninja · 20/05/2015 18:41

On the face of it, it's pretty pathetic.

If there are more issues underlying this then you may want to consider those, but any reaction other than slight annoyance on her part and a vague apology on yours is ridiculous if this is literally all there is to it.

I wouldn't even entertain her strop in the case of the later and roll my eyes at withholding sex leaving her to sulk it off.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 20/05/2015 18:44

Oh come on, threatening to withhold sex over grocery shopping is madness. Hmm But, I'm guessing you know that since that's not your question.

So to answer your question is it selfish to order online without asking if the other person needs anything? Then yes, that is selfish. HTH

YouMakeMyHeartSmile · 20/05/2015 18:46

??
How do you normally do your food shopping? Or was this extra? If it's the normal shop then it would make sense to do one big shop for everyone in the household I suppose. I do one online shop a week and ask DH if there's anything he needs.
Is withholding sex a normal 'punishment' in your house?

Arsenic · 20/05/2015 18:48

I wish someone would do our grocery order while I was asleep. Such a dull job.

JoanHickson · 20/05/2015 18:52

She must rate her sexual powers. Grin What a punishment.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 20/05/2015 18:54

Perhaps she wanted you to wake her up every time you added something to the list to check it was ok

PannaDoll · 20/05/2015 18:57

Would she normally ask you if you wanted to add anything to a shop she was doing? Is this a pattern of her believing you don't think about her needs etc? The sex thing seems extreme if this is the whole story but I'm guessing it's not...

TheJiminyConjecture · 20/05/2015 22:36

pjh

Jackw · 20/05/2015 23:55

Weeeeell. I wouldn't expect my DH to do an independent order. We both add stuff to a list and then one of us does the order. I would be surprised and a bit put out if he did the order without any sort of consultation at all.

I think she's annoyed because now you will have a delivery coming without the stuff that she needs/ wants.

How about suggesting that you start a shopping list e.g. on the fridge, which you both add to as and when you think of stuff you need. That way if you suddenly get the urge to do a late night last minute shop again you'll order her stuff as well as yours. Relationships need compromise and a little bit of thoughtfulness.

DoJo · 20/05/2015 23:57

But can't she do a shop to be delivered the next day anyway? Or does she not need £25 worth of stuff to make the delivery minimum?

Kiwiinkits · 21/05/2015 00:47

Is she calling you selfish because you didn't think of the wider families needs in the ordeR? e.g forgetting stuff for kids' lunches, forgetting milk, washing powder etc? I can see how that might be categorised as selfish by some.

Otherwise YANBU.

seaweed123 · 21/05/2015 06:00

If the stuff she wanted will cost less than the minimum order amount, and you knew that she needed stuff when you placed the order then that is pretty selfish imo.

Presumably she is going to need to go to the shop in person now, or wait a week.

Withholding sex as punishment is unreasonable and a bit weird. But if you can't see why what you did was annoying then that must be infuriating.

DoJo · 21/05/2015 09:07

Presumably she is going to need to go to the shop in person now, or wait a week

Why would she need to wait a week?

seaweed123 · 21/05/2015 10:16

If her items alone were less than the minimum order amount, then she'd need to wait until they were putting in the next shopping order to bring the total up to an amount she can order online. Assuming that since he just did a shop, then they wouldn't need another one for a week - a bit of an assumption, but I think most people doing an online shop generally order enough for a week at least.

OnIlkleyMoorBahTwat · 21/05/2015 11:45

You are allowed to shop more than once a week you know.

Obviously if you need to pay an extra delivery charge that's a waste of money and maybe she just wanted to be consulted over the contents of the order? Did you buy a load of treats and no boring essentials?

Justusemyname · 21/05/2015 11:47

I'm really confused.

OP are you a man?

Degustibusnonestdisputandem · 21/05/2015 11:50

erm...what's the problem, do another order? If I forget stuff for the Ocado order, then either myself or DH picks it up at the supermarket or it goes on the next order...