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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why am I the one with the disability?

142 replies

Jellybellybeans · 18/05/2015 13:08

I went to a theme park yesterday for my birthday treat. It was quite busy but I put my brave face on and tried to enjoy it. The queue's were a nightmare. Not time wise, the waiting time wasn't so bad. But everyone squeezing on top of each other.

I can't deal with it. It doesn't get you on the ride any faster. I kept asking the people behind me to give me a bit of space. I told them I was autistic and can't cope with them breathing down my neck. Were they understanding? Were they fuck. Responses ranged from eye rolling, to tutting, to 'well if you don't like clear off'. The final straw was one bloke who kept bumping into me as he chatted to his mates. I feel myself heading for meltdown so push my way back out of the queue to get away. That didn't go down well either.

Then a kind member of staff advises me to go get an exit pass so I can avoid the queues. Great idea. Except now I have to deal with snarky comments because I'm 'jumping the queue'.

In the end it all gets too much so I call it a day and go home. I saw me occupational therapist today and she's talking about how it's common for people with autism to struggle with days out like this. It's part of the disability.

AIBU to be think, in which case my disability isn't me, it's other people and their failings?

OP posts:
Baddz · 18/05/2015 17:09

Interrogate?
Hardly!
I asked the same questions other posters did!
As I said, if op had stated that her family did not discuss it with her, and she was not included in any plans it would have saved confusion (and my questions)
But...I am off now.
Certainly wasn't my intention to upset op.
Op...I have only ever been to legoland. And it was hideous. Grown adults behaving like spolt children. It's not you. It's them.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 18/05/2015 17:11

Let's just go back to this post shall we?

Baddz Mon 18-May-15 16:32:15
I'm sorry but exactly how do you not understand that trainers and jeans are not suitable attire for a wedding?
We are bombarded by media featuring weddings all the time!! How many times do you see weddings photos with guests in jeans and trainers!?
it smacks of wanting to prove a point to your sister tbh.
And that's just mean.
Now...I have to say....I couldnt have given a toss what people wore to my wedding. BUT some people feel very strongly about it. Some people plan these events for years and spend £££ on them.
Would it really have hurt you to wear trousers and a nice top? Really?
I DO judge people who wear jeans to a funeral, however.
So disrespectful!

Now perhaps you can see why people found your attitude to the OP so appalling, especially since you now say you have autistic family members?

Original poster
Jellybellybeans · 18/05/2015 17:12

I did get the job. There were 2 managers, a hr rep and a union rep and they spent most of the face to face interview pissing themselves laughing. Apparently I aced the numeracy tests (phenomenal autistic number processing capabilities) and they'd made the decision before I walked in, hence the laughter. I spent the next 10 years on my own in the cellar dealing with all the nightmare cases. Those 2 managers are still my friends 20 years and numerous job/company changes on.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jellybellybeans · 18/05/2015 17:15

I'm female.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 18/05/2015 17:16

That is brilliant! I am so glad you got the job based on your ability to do it and not based on what you were wearing.

Society places way too much importance on how people look and dress.

Baddz · 18/05/2015 17:17

Fantastic Grin

PlumpingThePartTimeMother · 18/05/2015 17:21

Grin I want to work for them!

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 18/05/2015 17:22

Jelly
That's great Grin

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 18/05/2015 17:23

Jellybelly - love that story about your interview! So glad you got the job and are still friends with those people. :)

merrymouse · 18/05/2015 17:27

Your story seems to reflect this news story about microsoft Jellybelly

www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-32204999.

I think that tracksuit sounds utterly brilliant.

BettyCatKitten · 18/05/2015 17:37

Op, my cousin is on the spectrum and was wearing t-shirt, trackie bottoms and trainers to the last family wedding (he has sensory impairment and cannot tolerate any other clothes) no one in our family
batted an eyelid, some of the other guests were a bit Shock!
I love the tracksuit you wore to the interviewGrin bloody fantastic image in my head!
I work in residential setting with young people with varying disabilities and complex needs and am astounded by general ignorance surrounding people's perception of disabilities and the impact they can have on the individual person Flowers

Andrewofgg · 18/05/2015 18:03

If you are training your NT child in the idea of waiting your turn and respecting queues I can see why it's difficult to explain why others are allowed to do what in a child's eyes is queue-jumping. My theme-park days are in the distant past, in days which knew not exit passes. What do you say to your children in those circumstances?

merrymouse · 18/05/2015 18:04

Surely 'Queuebots' are a feature of modern theme parks and somebody is always 'queue jumping'.

NRomanoff · 18/05/2015 18:14

Are your sure the wedding is the only reason you sister isn't speaking to you? Seems an our reaction given that she knows about your situation. What do you parents think of this? Have you been able to speak to her at all?

Yarp · 18/05/2015 18:19

OP

I am not autistic, but my DS1 has, I believe some traits

I think your reasoning cuts through a lot of bullshit, personally

Original poster
Jellybellybeans · 18/05/2015 18:23

I see her in passing at my mum's. So at most 5 times in the last 7 years. I say hello to her and she grunts back at me. I try asking after her and her kids but everything is met with grunts or blunt answers. I struggle with communication at the best of times but am totally lost when she's like this. If anyone else is there she's all smiles and chatty and as soon as they've gone I'm shut out again. Then there's just awkward silence until one of us goes home

OP posts:
merrymouse · 18/05/2015 18:29

Well, you don't have to spend long on mumsnet to find countless examples of NT but toxic relatives.

Imachocolateportal · 18/05/2015 18:34

Andrewofgg - I would explain that for some people to be able to visit a theme park they require slightly altered access and arrangements. People who have a disability shouldn't be prevented from visiting attractions and enjoying experiences to make sure that parents do not have to explain the concept to their NT children.

From hearing my mother recount stories (she worked with people with various disabilities) many places were off limits for their days out.

MrsCs · 18/05/2015 18:40

I'm surprised by this really. My brother is autistic and gets queue jump passes. On the whole people have always been understanding and not really tutted. We must have been lucky so far, ridiculous that people behave this way.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 18/05/2015 18:44

I've noticed increasingly lately how people seem to have such a lack of awareness of personal space and seem to think sticking their elbows/knees/foot into you is acceptable as well as moving further towards you when you then move to try and reclaim that bit of personal space. Waiting for a train is the very worst I find I've started carrying a golf umbrella to put distance around myself so I don't get someone's nose shoved in the back of my neck

Andrewofgg · 18/05/2015 19:05

Imachcolatepartal You say People who have a disability shouldn't be prevented from visiting attractions and enjoying experiences to make sure that parents do not have to explain the concept to their NT children and I entirely agree.

I'm just struggling with how I would explain it to a young child, because as I say I never had to it. What you suggest sounds very adult to me.

Andrewofgg · 18/05/2015 19:06

Oh and Imachocolateportal sorry for making such a hash of your screen-name!

Imachocolateportal · 18/05/2015 19:15

Not a problem about a screen name Andrewofgg. In that way my family are lucky as one of my DDS has ASD, so they have been used to people having different needs.

However my natural reaction would be to make a comparison to something the child knows. So in a way of that person needs to not queue to come here in the same way you need x or cannot sleep/eat... Or anything that applies to the child's life.

My daughter who has ASD is actually the hardest one to explain to when she sees others doing things she is not allowed to do. Although she is 11 now I still have to explain in ways I do for my much younger child.

I am not saying it is easy at all, however I do truly believe if children have throngs like this explained consistently they do come to understand many situations without trying.

Andrewofgg · 18/05/2015 19:23

Imachocolateportal That's interesting. My DF was blind and I was completely used to it, and forty-odd years after he died I don't have the issues around a blind person that most of us, if we are honest with ourselves, do around forms of disability that we are not used to. I should not get irritated with a deaf person but occasionally and on a bad day . . . well, you get the idea. Whereas I am totally at ease while a blind colleague reads a document in Braille even though that causes more delay than having to repeat something to a deaf colleague.

I suppose the problem is the firsttime a child sees an apparent queue-jumper - they will speak their minds and it may be uncomfortable for the parents. I suppose it's the same as a child who does not yet know, because nobody has said, what a white stick means.

Not easy at all. I'm glad it was never my problem. Partly because I loathed theme-parks!

Gralick · 18/05/2015 19:24

Dear god. I've not been able to read all the posts on this thread because of all the posts going WHY DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT TO WEAR FOR A WEDDING?! :(

I am so, so sorry, Jelly Flowers I sincerely hope that at least some of those posters will now develop an inkling of the difference it makes to have an autism spectrum disorder. And apologise for haranguing you, thus engaging in the very disableist behaviour which upsets you.

Have some more Flowers

PS: Your sister is a twat.