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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect doctors to have a decent bedside manner?

84 replies

bluejeanswhiteshirt · 17/05/2015 19:26

I took my 7 month old DD to see an out of hours GP at the hospital last night. I'm fully aware that they are busy and tired etc. but she was unbelievably grumpy and stern looking and it was obvious she didn't want to be there.

She checked DD over and was very firm when checking her over and moving her head into position (not rough but could have been more gentle) and there was just no bedside manner there at all. Is this normal in your experience??

OP posts:
cardibach · 17/05/2015 19:27

I really don't care as long as the medical care is good. Was it?

sparkysparkysparky · 17/05/2015 19:29

Common in my experience for both nurses and doctors. Complain if you can be bothered . It's the only way they will be pulled up on it. I did with a nurse I have to see regularly and the difference was astonishing. Don't care if she curses me behind my back, I got much better care and a better attitude afterwards.

DefiniteMaybe · 17/05/2015 19:29

I was in hospital with dd1 recently and found that while the nurses were absolutely amazing, the doctors seemed as though they'd never met a child before in their lives.
None of them were rough or rude but couldn't seem to get their heads around the fact that a shy 3 year old who couldn't breathe properly didn't want to cooperate with a stranger.

CoffeeAndBiscuitsPlease · 17/05/2015 19:31

It's not normal but I always wonder why those kinds of people go into a caring kind of role.

At my doctors surgery we have two nurses, one is brilliant, very attentive, friendly, explains everything...etc.She did my daughters first 2 jabs and is the nurse I always request to see. The other is horrible, stern face, horrible manner, no politeness, which I put up with if I have to see her, I'm overly friendly with her and there's just no response, but I had to take her for my daughter's 16 week jabs, and she didn't even say hello, or smile at my daughter. "right, hold her leg" that was ALL she said. nothing else. To me or my other half.

God damn moody people :) Some people have off days, which I think is what some people will say to you, but in my case that's her manner, and there's every chance so was the person you dealt with.

Planesailingtoday · 17/05/2015 19:32

So it appears she did the job but didn't give you the 'customer service' you were expecting?

YABU. Out of hours doctors have a massive amount of patients to see, the extra minutes spent giving 'customer service' could be used to give actual medical care to other patients. Please think about this next time. If you still have a desire for more, then there are many private doctors who would be more then happy to see you, your child and your wallet.

SoldierBear · 17/05/2015 19:35

I saw an out of hours doctor this morning at my DMs nursing home. She is possibly moving towards the end of her life and he was so lovely and kind, both the DM and me.

they have a very difficult job to do.

RagstheInvincible · 17/05/2015 19:35

When I was a kid we had an elderly GP who pre-dated the NHS. He used to say that the NHS was a godsend for young doctors - because the bedside manner of most of the young GPs he met, meant they'd starve in private practice.

That was in the 1960s - so it's not a new issue.

Roseforarose · 17/05/2015 19:37

I really don't care as long as the medical care is good. Was it?
When dealing with children, who are often scared and upset, a good bedside manner, appropiate for children is important.

Original poster
bluejeanswhiteshirt · 17/05/2015 19:38

Yes she did her job and the medical care was fine but I suppose I expect a doctor to be more friendly when it comes to dealing with babies and worried parents. Hopefully I'll not have to see her again in the future so I won't complain. Maybe she was having an off day!

OP posts:
Happybodybunny12 · 17/05/2015 19:40

plane

Sorry that's rubbish. Being polite, kind, attentive is not customer service it's part of the job.

Ex district nurse trained early 80s and communication was a huge part of our training.

Yes it's busy and stressful but social skills are non negotiable. They arnt add on frills it's the job.

Totally unacceptable op

CoffeeAndBiscuitsPlease · 17/05/2015 19:42

I love it when people comment "you got a good job, so stop complaining"...etc and that how can you complain about "customer service"

People in the medical industry should know better than anyone else how important it is to inform, reassure and support patients as part of the CARE they receive, especially children.

It doesn't take a lot to just be a normal person and have a devent bedside manner, even if you are a busy person. Takes the same amount of time to be polite and caring as it does to be curt and switched off.

CoffeeAndBiscuitsPlease · 17/05/2015 19:43

Completely agrree with you Happybody

StrawberrytallCake · 17/05/2015 19:43

YANBU a good bedside manner is essential for children and adults. I met a wonderful dr in A&E (not even a paediatrician) recently who treated my 2yo, he had the right balance of authority, wit, a steady hand and a caring no nonsense attitude towards dd.

he was also ridiculously good looking

Original poster
bluejeanswhiteshirt · 17/05/2015 19:46

Plane I didn't expect her to hang around chatting but being friendly and polite isn't difficult IMO.

OP posts:
eyebags63 · 17/05/2015 19:47

I have had 'nice' but BAD medical care before now, so I would rather the doctor was competent than 'nice'.

Even the most empathetic doctor can have a bad day..... Maybe the doctor was at the end of a long, stressful day where she had seen 50 patients and dealt with numerous unreasonable demands, abuse, etc. Nobody is immune to stress.

I think yab slightly u.

TendonQueen · 17/05/2015 19:47

It doesn't take any longer to be reassuring to a child! In fact it could speed things up as the child is more likely to relax and comply. Utter rubbish there about "customer service' Hmm

We shouldn't expect medical professionals to be superhuman. But neither should they be excused from being human because of the job they do. Any normal human being would be pleasant to a child in that situation.

ImperialBlether · 17/05/2015 19:48

I had to take my mum (mid 80s) to a hospital appointment re her broken shoulder. She looked very frail and was also upset as she'd just found out my dad hadn't long to live. NOT that the doctor should have known that, but when you're faced with a mid-80s patient who looks frail and upset you'd think you'd tone it down a bit, wouldn't you?

He stood throughout the consultation and the conversation went:

"So how's your shoulder?"
"It's still..."
"Is it better?"
"Well, no..."
"Of course it's not better! It's smashed! SMASHED! It'll never get better."

"Do you want a new one?"
"What?"
"A new shoulder. Do you want a new one?"
"Well... not at the moment..."
"Come back in two months when you've made your mind up."

I got her out of the room as fast as I could - if I'd had someone else there I would've gone back in and told him exactly what I thought of his manner.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 17/05/2015 19:49

YABU.

Sorry, but it's not in the job description.

TheFairyCaravan · 17/05/2015 19:52

I've just come out of hospital following major surgery that went a bit wrong. I couldn't fault the care I got from anyone, tbh. Although I was a bit Hmm when the registrar said "you don't look very happy" to me on the evening of the surgery. Confused

I think you'll just have to mark this down to the doctor having a bad day OP.

Mrsstarlord · 17/05/2015 19:56

You should be able to expect a doctor to be polite, but sadly I'm not surprised that this doctor wasn't.

Mrsstarlord · 17/05/2015 19:57

I bet it is ThickAndThin.

I bet is says something about effective communication skills.

SockQueen · 17/05/2015 19:58

Fence-sitting here, albeit with a vested interest. If she was actively rude or rough with your DD then I think you would have grounds for complaint. If she just wasn't totally sunny and as touchy-feely as you would like, then it would be rather petty. It IS important to have a good bedside manner, and rapport with patients of all ages is crucial to a decent history/examination, but everyone has grumpy days, and examining a wriggling baby is difficult and you do sometimes have to be firm.

I always try to be nice and polite to my patients, and generally get good feedback, but some people I just don't "click" with - and I have been called a stuck-up bitch because I have quite a posh voice and apparently can sound patronising, even if I'm not intending it. Sometimes you have to be firm to the point of rudeness e.g. during a procedure, because it's dangerous otherwise - though it doesn't sound like this is relevant in your circumstances.

Overall, I think YANBU to be a bit narked that she was grumpy, but YWBU to complain if she wasn't outright rude.

Pagwatch · 17/05/2015 19:59

Some doctors/nurses are great, some are shit.

DeidreChambersWhatACoincidence · 17/05/2015 20:02

Shock Blimey Imperial Your poor mum Sad

That's not just being brusque, that's making an effort to not even be remotely kind.

I do wonder why anyone would be attracted to any profession where some sort of empathy is expected. Ok it's not essential to do the job, but having studied humans for long enough to become a doctor surely its obvious that they are more than just bodies?

hazeyjane · 17/05/2015 20:03

Sorry, but it's not in the job description.

NHS careers advice says it is

Medicine is about helping people - treating illness, providing advice and reassurance, and seeing the effects of both ill health and good health from the patient's point of view. You have to examine the symptoms presented by a patient, and consider a range of possible diagnoses.

Reassurance being the key word there.