Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be sad that I've never been hugged by another adult who loves me

98 replies

HugAMNer · 17/05/2015 19:15

I hug my children a lot when they want hugs, however I'm sad because my childhood never involved hugs - I can't remember ever being hugged. My DH never hugs me because he's not a huggy person but I crave a hug, he won't hug me if I ask though because he hates hugs.

OP posts:
thegreylady · 17/05/2015 19:17

That is one of the saddest posts I have read :(

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 17/05/2015 19:17

YANBU at all. Have a virtual hug from me. I'm not a hugely huggy person, but sometimes everyone needs a hug. I'm sorry your dh won't hug you Flowers

LotsaDots · 17/05/2015 19:19

have you explained your feelings to your dh? surely If he knew how important a hug was then he would hug you. I understand that need to hug, I get it too. I think you need to talk to dh

Original poster
HugAMNer · 17/05/2015 19:20

Yes, he knows I want a hug. We've discussed it many times but he just doesn't do hugs. He'll buy flowers, chocolates, whatever but he won't hug me.

OP posts:
Iggly · 17/05/2015 19:21

Er why not? That's so very odd.

Holden10 · 17/05/2015 19:22

Omg where are you I really want to hug you

BitchPeas · 17/05/2015 19:22

I'm so sorry that sounds really hard. I think it's really unfair of him to refuse to hug you, he must know he's hurting you? Does he not care?

hestialou · 17/05/2015 19:23

That is very sad, tell hubby how you feel. Until then big hugs from me x

CarbeDiem · 17/05/2015 19:23

Oh OP, that's so sad.
I would love to give you a big hug (I know it's not the same, but still)
Do speak to your DH, even if he personally doesn't enjoy them, can he not just do it for you.

Diamond23 · 17/05/2015 19:24
Sad
Original poster
HugAMNer · 17/05/2015 19:24

He's quite a loner and it's just not his nature I guess. I don't think his family were very huggy either.

OP posts:
CarbeDiem · 17/05/2015 19:25

Sorry Xposted with your update.
I know partners shouldn't feel forced into doing things they don't like but I find it quite cruel that your DH won't just give you a hug when you need one :(

MinimumPayment · 17/05/2015 19:27

I really worry for DS1 because of this. He really really hates being hugged. Has done since he was about 8yo ad I do think he's missing something important as a result. DH says it will change when he discovers girls (14yo) but I'm not so sure.

Is DH Ok OP? I get that some people need hugs more than others but even DS1 will/can do it when it's clear the other person needs it.

bellybuttonfairy · 17/05/2015 19:28

Aw - that is really unfair for you. I would like to send you a huge virtual hug x

BettyCatKitten · 17/05/2015 19:31

Sending you a massive virtual bear hugSmile
That is so sadSad

RightSideOfWrong · 17/05/2015 19:32

God this would kill me. I need physical affection.

Can he offer any physical contact? I'd be so upset.

BMW6 · 17/05/2015 19:33

But doesn't he cuddle after DTD? Surely he does?

EmeraldThief · 17/05/2015 19:33

My DM has never hugged me, ever. She admits that she doesn't feel comfortable with it and you can see her visibly flinch when someone hugs her, I suppose like the OP's DH she's just not a huggy person and comes from a family where they didn't show affection towards each other . It used to upset me and I have to admit I do wonder how someone can't want to hug their kids, but I've kind of accepted that's just the way she is now.

My DF on the other hand hugs people at the drop of a hat, he's very tactile especially after having a few drinks lol. So I'm lucky in that I've always had cuddles and hugs from him

PHANTOMnamechanger · 17/05/2015 19:34

blimey, IMHO hugs are more important than sex! to have a hug when you need it because you are tired, sad, stressed, unwell, had a difficult day, is so soothing. A hug can say so much - from I love you, to I'm sorry and many more things.

OP, has no one, not a friend, not a relative, no previous DP ever hugged you?
You deserve a hug! Hopefully when your DC are grown they will still hug you. Sad

Happybodybunny12 · 17/05/2015 19:35

Remember op your kids will be adults who will hug you. Smile

londonrach · 17/05/2015 19:36

Op where are you. Sending an adult hug your way!

MinimumPayment · 17/05/2015 19:37

My mum has never hugged me. My Dad hugged me once, when DH was away at war and I was distraught with worry. I know they love me and they were an amazing support during that time but I only got one hug.

I was determined my DC would be hugged loads and DS1 hates it. Sad

Dh loves a hug. Op I really feel for you, but do think DH should just do it!

Original poster
HugAMNer · 17/05/2015 19:37

No, he just goes to sleep..I don't have any friends, just me and DH so it's him for hugs or nobody.

OP posts:
PHANTOMnamechanger · 17/05/2015 19:40

have you seen the free hugs campaign OP? we need to get one to your town!!

CalleighDoodle · 17/05/2015 19:43

Im not from an affectionate family either. I use that to explain why i was such a tart in my 20s! Smile. I hug my children and husband a lot. I tell my husband i need that affection. He makes the effort to hug me more. But i dont want anyone else near me lol.

My parents have never said they love me or hughed me thay i can remember. Im sure they must have hugged me as a young child. When i was in lbour with my ds and my parents were in the house with me watching dd, at the end of one of my contractions my dad, who was in the room but ignoring me said are you alright? My mum said she didnt have any pain with my sister. Thanks. Helpful. Neither even so much as touched my arm while i was contracting. Some people are weird.

Aending
Hugs your way.