Hello, I'm sorry this is a long one but would be very grateful for some feedback/advice. I'm not sure if I'm just being a resentful, mean-spirited old biddy, or if I have genuine cause to feel used.
I'll need to use abbreviations throughout: W is my 13-year-old son, D is my son's friend and S is D's mother. Got that? Then I'll begin...with a few facts for starters:
S has a partner plus an army of childcare for D (an only child) from her ex-husband and his parents, various friends, etc. She goes away with just her partner every other weekend when D stays with her ex. We have two sons, one still at primary-school, and have never, ever had any childcare support to rely on, other than paid. So yes, I admit to being envious on that front in the current situation. However, that honestly wasn't an issue to begin with.
Now I'll try to explain the situation: D lives about 20 minutes away from the school, so our house is a convenient place closer to the school. D is dropped off here every morning to walk in with W and a few other of his friends. Initially, D started coming back here after school a few times a week, to spend time with W. W was initially invited to D's house in return (but has been there at the most 5 times in total since they became friends more than 2 years ago). At first I was just happy that W had a good friend and didn't mind. S repeatedly checked it was okay and I said it was fine because I had no idea then that she would start to abuse it. Also, she used to occasionally pop in for a quick chat and cup of tea when collecting D which was nice.
But, in recent months, I have very rarely seen her and she has started to organise her whole social life around the expectation that W can come back here, with a myraid of other people collecting him. On the few times she shows her face, she's always in too much of a rush to come in for a chat. D still only comes a couple of times a week. It's not for long and it's no great inconvenience in itself but it's the attitude behind it that I'm starting to resent. For example, when D's after school club was cancelled at the last minute, S called me to ask if he could come back here because she was at the Ideal Home show and didn't want to rush back in the traffic! Recently, she asked me to help in a minor way with arrangements for D when plans changed while she was away on a spa break with her partner (which she took great pleasure in telling me about). The change of plan didn't work and I ended up having to call her ex-mother-in-law to find out what was going on. She was pretty fed up that S was away while everyone else was running around to sort things out and to be honest, I felt exactly the same way. From the rare conversations we have, S always seems to be out lunching with a friend or at some other social event, so there's no good reason why she can't collect D on time. I always without fail have to be there after work to collect my younger son from his school. As S is currently not working, I feel she doesn't have an excuse for relying on us as a fallback for childcare so much, especially as she has so many other sources of help. Also, she hasn't invited W over for months.
AIBU to feel resentful and used? Having D is no great inconvenience and so am I just being churlish? if I say anything, I'd end up jeapordising my son's friendship which I don't want to do. On the other hand, I'd never dream of relying on someone else to prop up my social life in the way that S does, rather than just asking for help in an emergency. (I have only ever once asked another friend to collect my son from school after I lost my father and I couldn't face going to the school.) Does anyone have any advice on how to cope with the resentment?!